Parent behavior--no fee games

[UNIgiantslayers]

I always work our youth state tourney at the beginning of the season. This is all volunteer, and they have a tough time finding refs. I find it a good way to get the rust out in some low pressure games. I am well aware many of you wouldn't work games for free, but I don't mind doing it because otherwise these kids wouldn't be able to have a tourney.

Coaches are (almost) never an issue, as one T is an automatic ejection and suspension the first half of the next game. Parents, on the other hand, are always doing the old howler monkey and verbally attacking us and our calls. They sit right on top of the court, basically where the benches are but opposite the players. I have never tossed a parent, but have contemplated many times. Obviously in a varsity contest, I have a much higher tolerance because we are getting paid but since we're doing these games for free, I'm wondering if you guys would have a lower tolerance for that kind of stuff, what you would put up with, at what point you tell them to go some place else, etc. Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

[Adam]

For me, if I'm doing the game for free, I'm not going to put up with any distractions. If there's site management, I would have them tell mom and dad to settle down. If there's no management, I'd advise the coach and let him help you.

If this doesn't work, don't be afraid to start clearing seats.

My threshold is the point where they become a distraction to me with their idiocy.

[SNIPERBBB]

You'll know when to get rid of a fan. Paid or not.

[WhistlesAndStripes]

When you say "youth," what age are we talking about? I'm generally giving them one chance, as a group, to cool it, and then I'm inviting them to leave, and the game will not continue until they do.

As others have mentioned, if there's some kind of site management, it is definitely preferable to have them take care of it, or even the coach. Just make sure whoever is handling it know what the expectation is before play will resume. Then stand your ground.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by UNIgiantslayers

I always work our youth state tourney at the beginning of the season. This is all volunteer, and they have a tough time finding refs. I find it a good way to get the rust out in some low pressure games. I am well aware many of you wouldn't work games for free, but I don't mind doing it because otherwise these kids wouldn't be able to have a tourney.

Coaches are (almost) never an issue, as one T is an automatic ejection and suspension the first half of the next game. Parents, on the other hand, are always doing the old howler monkey and verbally attacking us and our calls. They sit right on top of the court, basically where the benches are but opposite the players. I have never tossed a parent, but have contemplated many times. Obviously in a varsity contest, I have a much higher tolerance because we are getting paid but since we're doing these games for free, I'm wondering if you guys would have a lower tolerance for that kind of stuff, what you would put up with, at what point you tell them to go some place else, etc. Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

I can be a sarcastic a-hole (noooo!!!!), so I'm sure I would think of something smart ass to say that would kind of quiet things down. It usually comes in the form of a question concerning the rules.

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[reffish]

I have flat out instructed them to cheer for their kids, not criticize my calls. Any more critiques on calls and you will be in parking lot waiting for the game to be over and take little Johnny to the ice cream shop.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

I can be a sarcastic a-hole (noooo!!!!), so I'm sure I would think of something smart ass to say that would kind of quiet things down. It usually comes in the form of a question concerning the rules.

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When I go there, I'm much more blunt.

"I'm volunteering my time right now, and only one of us really needs to be here."

If I want to be diplomatic: "I really want you to be able to watch this whole game, but you're about to force me into a decision that you may not like."

Direct: "I'm about ten seconds from clearing this section."

I prefer saying it right before leaving the area, giving them a chance to vent amongst themselves. By the time I come around.

This is rare stuff, though. It's normally much better to get game management involved. If they fail, involve the coach. If that fails, pause the game until they leave; using the coach as your messenger here.

[billyu2]

Just heard this story at our local meeting last week. Former Ohio State player Treg Lee does some officiating in our area and was involved in a very similar situation: Youth basketball, obnoxious adult(s) in the stands. Treg is very soft-spoken but at 6'8 is a pretty imposing official especially when working a kids game. So, with the adult doing his rant in the stands, Treg stepped away from the youngster he was about to hand the ball to and made eye contact with the adult. Treg pressed his finger to his lips, then pointed down toward the youngster as if to say, "Be quiet. These are kids down here." The embarrassed adult heard the silent message loud and clear. End of problem. Perhaps Treg, with his basketball credentials and physical stature, can do that while we can't.
But it might be worth trying. Treg Lee is a wonderful gentleman. If you care to, google his name. You should find a nice story about him in the Columbus Dispatch and a video interview that is very interesting.

[BigT]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

I can be a sarcastic a-hole (noooo!!!!), so I'm sure I would think of something smart ass to say that would kind of quiet things down. It usually comes in the form of a question concerning the rules.

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Working with a friend at a youth Lacrosse game. He had a fan who was heckling him. He had a moment and asked the man if he thought he could do better. The dad say I think I could. My friend responded well I KNOW I can be a better fan. At which the mans wife elbowed him and said he has you there.. and he made no more comments the rest of the game....

[RefsNCoaches]

I work a Sunday girls travel league every year (Grades 3-8)....it's a very well run league and games played at area HS gyms on main floor and aux gyms. Tighter seating near the court in the aux gyms usually...in the main gyms, they usually only roll out a few rows of bleachers so the all knowing folks are further back from the floor.

Most of the guys that ref in this league have been involved for a number of years and there are some guys like myself who coach in it as well. At our HS, the now retired Varsity Coach (who runs the league) makes it clear to parents what the league is about....The Kids.

We get our share of the howler monkeys from the stands from time to time...I had a guy sitting baseline this past weekend, jump up, arms in air, yelling at my partner at trail about a call he passed on at half court during a loose ball.

I'm pretty quick in this league to tell parents to pipe down and that it's about the kids, not them. When this guy wanted to challenge me I simply told him you can cheer from your chair or officiate from the parking lot....doesn't matter to me.

When I work school contests, I don't worry about the bleachers.

[Mregor]

How's this? "Let's trade places. You come out here and ref and I'll sit there and act like a jackass."

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by Mregor

How's this? "Let's trade places. You come out here and ref and I'll sit there and act like a jackass."

Wow! An old Davism!

[BlueDevilRef]

A guy I know, ok it was me, invited a grandpa a whistle and a shirt. I might have also said, until you put both on and help me out in correcting all these mistakes you are seeing, you sit there and shut your mouth. Sad how far some idiots take it when it's third graders just basically herding cats on a basketball floor.

As far as your question in the OP, I would agree with others. If it becomes a distraction, deal with as painlessly as possible. Get coach or site boss to assist. If not, just stop game until the problem leaves.

[SC Official]

I can't imagine myself working for free, especially a youth game, unless it's camp or a required scrimmage.

That being said, I'm not putting up with any nonsense if I'm ever a volunteer official for a youth game, or any wreck league for that matter. If the coach, fans, or organizers don't like that, they can find a new official.

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by SC Official

I can't imagine myself working for free, especially a youth game, unless it's camp or a required scrimmage.

If it's in your area, give Special Olympics Unified Games a try.

Am I right Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.?