Some of you remember Davisms, some of you don't. Here they are for your enjoyment.

[Mark Padgett]

For all you new dudes and babes, I used to ref with a guy named Dave a lot. Of course, this was back before my heart surgery that ended my reffing career. Dave was the funniest guy I ever reffed with and I used to post some of his "Davisms" just for a laugh. Since we're still in the off season, I thought I'd re-post some of them just to see if I can get some laughs from you guys. Here's some of them.

I'll start with my all time favorite, because he did it to me, not a coach or player. I was finishing my last rec game of my shift while Dave was waiting to begin his. It was during a timeout in the 4th quarter that he yelled, "Hey Padgett - are you pregnant?” I ignored him but he yelled it again. I finally turned and said, "OK, Dave, I'll bite. No, I'm not pregnant, why do you ask?" Dave says, "Because you missed three periods!"

Here are some others:

Dave goes to report a foul. Coach yells, "Call it both ways.” Dave says, "OK coach, I will. Blue, 14, a hold. Other way - 14, blue, a hold. That's both ways coach. You happy now?"

After a game, parent comes up to the two of us and says, "Refs like you is the reason these kids get hurt.” Dave says, "You're wrong.” Parent says, "It's an opinion - how can I be wrong.” Dave replies, "It's 'Refs like you are the reason kids get hurt.’ If you're going to be a jerk, at least use proper grammar."

Dave makes a foul call. Coach yells, "I really didn't like that call.” Dave turns to him and says, "Then you're probably going to hate this one" and T's him up.

Coach has been chipping all game. Dave calls an OOB off his team. As Dave goes down court, coach keeps yelling for him to identify the player who last touched the ball. Dave ignores him. At a timeout, coach asks Dave why he hasn't answered him all game. Dave replies, "I left my English - Gibberish dictionary at home."

We come out to start the second half. As usual, both teams ask whose ball it is. Dave looks at the ball, seems to be studying it and says, "Looks like some kid named Spaulding."

And there's the old standby whenever he gets a JV or varsity boy who whines he tells him - "Hey, girls play on Thursdays."

[justacoach]

Thanks, Mark. Hope all is well.
I know you've got dozens more, quit holding out on us

[Mark Padgett]

Actually, one of my all-time favorites didn't come from Dave, but from the gal who used to post on this sight as "Rainmaker".

We were working a game together and there was a timeout just before halftime. As she walked over to the scorer's table, some moron Dad stood up a few rows behind the table, took off his glasses, held them out towards her and said, "Hey ref - you wanna borrow my glasses?" We heard this a lot and we had a standard response which she used - "Why? They're not doing you any good." Lots of people started laughing at the guy and he then yelled at her, "You wanna come up here and say that?" The place went quiet as he was a pretty big guy threatening to punch a young woman! She replied, "Why? Is your hearing bad, too?" The whole gym erupted in laughter! He got up and walked out.

I asked her where she got that answer from and she said, "I don't know - it just came out". I told her I was going to write it down.

At the end of the game, she asked me to walk her out to her car, but the guy wasn't anywhere around.

[BillyMac]

This story was told about one of our "Old Timers" who recently passed away.

Visiting head coach was arguing and was eventually tossed from the game.

Someone at the scorer's table continued to argue. "Old Timer" asks, "Who are you?", answered by, "The visiting scorekeeper". "Old Timer" responds, "You are out of here".

A young man continues to argue. "Old Timer" asks, "Who are you?", answered by, "The visiting assistant coach". "Old Timer" responds, "You are out of here".