Top 10 Davisms

[Mark Padgett]

OK - due to popular demand, here are the top 10 Davisms as I remember them. If you disagree with the order, I'll stare at your pants and puke on your shoes, but not necessarily in that order.

10) Dave: coach, does your car have a heater? Coach: why? Dave: because if I hear any more crap from you you'll be spending the rest of the night in the parking lot and it's cold outside. (this was to a female coach, BTW)

9) Dave to player after a flop and player showing surprise on not getting the call: Oscars are next month

8) Player after getting slightly bumped: that's a foul. Dave: girls play on Tuesdays.

7) Dave to player who said she couldn't take off her earrings: that's OK, leave 'em in but take off your ears. Don't worry, your coach will hold them for you.

6) Player with ball on floor scoots - Dave calls travel (correctly). Coach: why is that a travel? Dave: he moved his pivot cheek. Coach: oh.

5) Dave gives assistant coach a T. Head coach gets in his face and yells. Dave gives head coach a T. Dave starts singing very loudly: "Tea for two".

4) After a rough game, a fan comes up to both of us and says to Dave: it's refs like you who is responsible for kids getting hurt. Dave: you're wrong. Fan: what do you mean I'm wrong - it's an opinion. Dave: you mean, "it's refs like you who are responsible for kids getting hurt." If you're going to be an idiot, at least use proper grammar.

3) Coach: that's 3 seconds. Dave: that's not 3 seconds even in dog years.

2) Coach blabbers something at Dave. Dave: coach, I'd respond but I left my English-Jibberish dictionary at home.

and, from the home office in Tigard, Oregon, the number 1 Davism:

Dave is about to report a foul. Coach: call it both ways. Dave: OK coach, I will. Blue, 23, a hold. 23, blue, a hold. Is that what you meant coach? That's all the ways I know.

Dave also made two great remarks to me directly. The first came when we were scheduled to do a summer league game together. We could wear shorts and I did. When Dave saw me he said, "Are those your knees or are you smuggling walnuts?"

The second is a real classic. I was doing a game and Dave was standing on the sideline waiting for his shift to begin. It was late in the game and there was a timeout. Dave yelled at me, "Hey Padgett, are you pregnant?" I ignored him. He yelled again, "Hey Padgett, are you pregnant?" Finally, I replied, "OK Dave, I'll bite. No, I'm not pregnant. Why do you ask?" He then said, "Because you missed three periods."

If anyone remembers any others from old posts, please post them. Thanks.

[Mark Dexter]

My favorite:

Saturday - varsity boys. First game: Dave calls A1 for a foul. A1 says to Dave, "WHAT THE F*** KIND OF CALL WAS THAT???" Dave replies, "There are basically two kinds of fouls. That kind was a personal foul. Here's the other kind." TWEET - rings him up.

[Oz Referee]

Would anyone here object to me adding the list of top 10 davisims to my web site? (I'll obviously quote my source)

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by Oz Referee
Would anyone here object to me adding the list of top 10 davisims to my web site? (I'll obviously quote my source)

I consider them to be in the pubic, er, I mean public, domain. Go ahead, but if anyone uses them for any commercial gain, I would expect them to make a donation to our local non-profit rec league. Thanks.

[rainmaker]

My personal favorite is when, during half-time he goes and sits next to a fan who was screaming during the whole first half. When it's time to start again, Dave stays there. Fan turns and asks, "What are you doing?" Dave replies, "Well, it seems the view from up here is better."