Well.....I finally got one

[rwest]

Originally Posted by NCASAUmp

Here's an example of said machine.

Obviously the patent holder is not an umpire based on this statement:

Therefore, it is possible to determine if a pitch was a strike or a ball by noting where the ball has impacted upon the ground.

Edited to note: There are other comments that make me believe this individual is not an umpire. The one above was just the first that stood out to me.