Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.

The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?' :rolleyes:

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on. She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!" said the husband, and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude...!

See post #36.

ha ha
 

<a href="http://s171.photobucket.com/albums/u291/allstar_4evr/?action=view&current=umpires.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u291/allstar_4evr/umpires.jpg" border="0" alt="umpire"></a>I don't understand baseball at all, do you?

You don't have to understand it. Everything is decided by a man they call a vampire.

................religious Umpire................
 

The 10 Commandments of Umpiring
by Ford C. Frick (1949)

# Commandment:) :D

1 Keep your eye on the ball.

2 Keep all your personalities out of your work. Forget and forgive.

3 Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

4 Never charge a player and, above all, no pointing your finger or yelling.

5 Hear only the things you should hear - be deaf to others.

6 Keep your temper. A decision made in anger is never sound.

7 Watch your language.

8 Take pride in your work at all times. Remember, respect for an umpire is created off the field as well as on.

9 Review your work. You will find, if you are honest, that 90% of the trouble is traceable to loafing.

10 No matter what your opinion of another umpire, never make an adverse comment regarding him. To do so is despicable and ungentlemanly.

The 10 Commandments of Umpiring by Ford C. Frick
<a href="http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh154/dan281/?action=view&current=baseball.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh154/dan281/baseball.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Various Degrees Of 'out' And The Corresponding Effect On The Behaviour...............
 

<a href="http://s92.photobucket.com/albums/l10/ciazio/?action=view&current=softballumps.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l10/ciazio/softballumps.gif" border="0" alt="softball umpire"></a>

:eek:

Running Joke ...
 

Two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."

Ha! <i>

Thanks
 

This is the only running joke that I knew before I went to the internet to find more.

So we're supposed to read nearly 300 posts to avoid repeating a joke????????:rolleyes:

Don't sweat it.
Romano's was about an Israeli couple. :)

No, I just thought it was funny that the joke by meaningless was his first post, and it was a repeat joke.

Who's your best friend?

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is happier to see you?

Take my wife, Please!
A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.

Hostage answers, "Yes."

The man shoots the hostage.

The man asks the second hostage if he, too, saw him rob the bank.

The second hostage says, "No, but my wife did."

Transferred from the basketball forum:

In the lifers' section of the prison, all the inmates had been there for years. One night after lights-out, one of the prisoners yelled out "22!" There was some quiet chuckling in various cells. Then a different voice yelled out, "54!" Again, there was some laughter in the darkness.

One inmate, who had only been in this prison for a couple months, asked his cellmate, "What's with the numbers?" His cellmate said, "We been here so long, we've heard each others' jokes 1,000 times. So instead of telling the whole joke, they just say the number of the joke, and the other guys remember it."

Just then, another voice in the darkness yelled out, "317!" There was silence for a second, and then the cell block erupted with laughter.

The new inmate again turned to his cellmate: "What was that all about?" His cellmate answered, "We'd never heard that one before!"