Jesus was playing golf with Moses. First hole, both tee off and are in the fairway. The next shot is about 200 yards to the green with a pond directly in front of the green.

Jesus is away and he says, "Arnold Palmer would use a 5 iron for this shot." Jesus pulls the 5 iron out of his bag, hits the shot, and watches it land right in the middle of the pond. Jesus asks Moses to go get the ball for him. Moses walks up to the pond, spreads his hands apart, the pond waters part, and Moses walks in and picks up Jesus' ball.

Jesus prepares to hit the shot again, same result, right in the pond, Moses gets the ball and returns it to Jesus. This happens several more times....

Finally, the next group waiting on the tee is getting impatient and sends someone up to see what the holdup is.

The golfer says to Moses, "Let's go, willya?!?...Who does this guy think he is, Jesus Christ?!?!?"

Moses replies.....







"No, he thinks he's ARNOLD PALMER!"

This is a real restaurant found near the Cooperstown Dreams Park Baseball Complex.


http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/9...0/DSC00748.jpg


Tim.

MLB Umpires
 

With over 15 pages in this thread please excuse me if I've duplicated this one.

What's the difference between a poor delusional soul and a Major League Umpire? The poor delusional soul only THINKS he's God.

Jesus, Moses & St Peter were playing golf 1 fine day in heaven.

At the first tee Jesus hits the ball and it slices far off into the woods, where it bounces off a tree it rolls by a bunny. The bunny hops after it and picks it up in its mouth & hops off...when out of nowehere an eagle appears in the sky and swoops down to quickly grab the bunny & head skyward. As the eagle flies off and is only a speck in the sky thunderclouds appear on the horizon. As the clouds mass thunder is heard, and suddenly a loud clap and a bolt of lightning hits the eagle which drops the bunny which hits the ground on the green causing the ball to pop out of it's mouth. The ball rolls into the cup.

Moses turns to Jesus and says:

"Are you here to play golf or screw around"?

Q: What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?

A: "I'll never do that for two bucks again!"

Heard this one today...sorry if it's already been posted.

Q: What do you get when you cross a jackass and a zebra?

A: A referee

:D

A penguin is driving along one day when his car starts to sputter. So, he immediately pulls over at the first gas station that has a garage. He tells the mechanic on duty that his car is making this funny sputtering noise. The mechanic tells him to give him about thirty minutes to figure out what the problem is.

So...while he is waiting the penguin wanders down the street to a little ice cream shoppe that he had seen. You know, penguins, being from colder climes, just love ice cream. He goes into the ice cream shoppe and orders himself an ice cream cone.

Now you know, that penguins don't have any hands, so he had to hold the cone between both of his flippers. The penguin walks back to the garage where is car is eating his ice cream cone, but because of his inability to control the cone well, he gets a little of the ice cream on his beak. When he gets back to the garage, the mechanic meets him and says,

"Well, buddy, it looks like you blew a seal."

To which the penguin replies, "Nope, that's just ice cream."

Sky Popper's deer joke reminded me of this one:

What is the difference between Beer Nuts and deer nuts?

Beer Nuts are about $2.99 a pound and deer nuts are under a buck!

Sam

OK - Halloween joke

A "frisky" husband an wife were going to a Halloween costume party. Prior to leaving for the party, the husband was suprised when his wife entered the living room naked and wearing knee high shinny black boots. The husband indicated they did not have time to "fool around" and requested his wife get dressed for the party.
Wife: "This is my costume."
Husband: "You are dressed as what?"
Wife: "I am going as Puss-n-Boots"
The husband smiled and promptly went to the kitchen, got undressed, cut a hole in a large baking potato and placed on his "male part". Upon his return to the living room his wife was quite suprised and ask her husband what he was doing.
Husband: "If you are wearing that costume, this is mine."
Wife: "What is your costume?"
Husband: "If you are going to the party as Puss-n-Boots then I am going as a Dicktater."

They both promptly changed costumes prior to attending the party.

Sam

Some folks have heard me tell this one recently, but here goes:

Q: Why do they give hot chocolate and Viagra to the old men in the retirement home?


A: The hot chocolate gets them to sleep and the Viagra keeps them from rolling out of bed.

Ok, I'm going to offend an ethnic group and a religion at the same time. So if anybody really objects, I'll take it off. But I thought it was pretty funny.


Q: Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?

A: Because they don't like any witnesses!

They don't <b>what</b>, Rodney?

No wonder you don't get any respect.:rolleyes:

I threw mine over my my shoulder one Halloween. Went out trick-or-treating as a gas pump.

It's true, it's true.......

Why did the blonde have square breasts. She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Ack! I fixed it. What a dork.