Howler Monkey re-post

[Mark Padgett]

Guys - I was going through some old files on my computer and I found this one from 2008 which I posted here at that time. I know there's been a lot of new people on this site since then, so I thought I would post it again. If you guys really like it, I can also re-post some of my favorite Dave-isms. These are comments made by my favorite ref partner, the Immortal Dave.

BTW - for those of you who are not familiar with the most popular basketball terms - "Howler Monkey" means "coach". Here's the post:

Since I am the universally recognized expert on the Howler Monkey language, I thought I'd post some of the more common translated phrases. The Howler Monkey phrase is designated as "HM", with the English translation shown as "E".

HM: call it both ways
E: call it my way

HM: you suck ref
E: my vocabulary has not progressed since the fifth grade, so I will use a term that truly reflects my maturity level to insult you

HM: the foul count is 8 to 2
E: instead of admitting I have no clue how to teach proper defense, I will blame you so my A.D. won't fire me

HM: that's over the back (also see: that's a reach, etc.)
E: I will now try to impress my supporters with my vast knowledge of the rules by making some comments I once heard while listening to Billy Packer on television

HM: that's the worst officiated game I ever saw
E: boy, my coaching sucked tonight but you'll never get me to admit it

HM: great job, ref
E: I have you again next week and I'm sucking up

HM: that's terrible
E: I have heard that phrasing a comment in this manner might be taken by you as not being a personal comment, so I think I can get away with saying it this way and not get a technical

HM: you're terrible
E: since you are smart enough not to make a distinction between "that's terrible" and "you're terrible" and you gave me a technical for yelling "that's terrible", this time I figure I might as well get my money's worth

HM: how can you call that
E: I have no idea what you called or why - all I know is the call went against my team and I had to say something

HM: watch number 5 on the other team - he's holding my guys all night
E: none of my guys are quick enough to get around number 5

HM: you'll never work in this gym again
E: you called a great game but we lost and there's no way I'm going to let anyone blame me