"Please tell me what we need to do?"

[PSidbury]

And then you have this psuedo-sincere, maybe-rhetorical, type of question from a coach that is not really a question the referee can answer.
This coach question usually follows a call(s) the coach disagrees with, but yet he doesn't ask for clarification on the specific call.

Internally, I am thinking "Coach, you may want to score more," or "Coach, you may want to stop fouling," or "Coach, you may want to get more athletic players," but we all know those are only quippy retorts and not diplomatic, heady answers.

And you would think a 12yr varsity coach is posing a rhetorical question... (to bait or plead?)... but when he politely getsin your ear and respectfully asks, "Please tell me what we need to do?"
The only diplomatic answer I can give him is "Coach, that's not really a referee question."

So... quippy, smart-alec, retorts aside, and in whatever context seems relevant for a coach to ask, "Please tell me what we need to do?"
What is your answer?

Also, what other coach questions have you heard that fall into this ambiguous, rhetorical category, yet coach is asking in a very sincere, imploring manner that requires some type of answer?

Thanks,
Paul

[JRutledge]

Give him a "look" and walk away. Anything you say is going to be ripped apart or misquoted. Say nothing and ignore him until he has a legitimate question. And if he has a legitimate question and he interrupts you, end the conversation. He will either get the message or shut up. But he clearly is not coaching by being in your ear about silliness.

Peace

[MD Longhorn]

I see nothing positive coming from trying to answer that question truthfully. Coach, I'm calling the game - I can't coach it too.

[bainsey]

"Play legally."

[Raymond]

"Coach, can you be more specific?"

By the time he formulates a new question, hopefully play has resumed.

[JetMetFan]

Other than, "Coach, I can't tell you" there really isn't anything you can say where the response will be positive.

[fullor30]

Originally Posted by jrutledge

give him a "look" and walk away. Anything you say is going to be ripped apart or misquoted. Say nothing and ignore him until he has a legitimate question. And if he has a legitimate question and he interrupts you, end the conversation. He will either get the message or shut up. But he clearly is not coaching by being in your ear about silliness.

Peace

++++1

[Mark Padgett]

"Sorry coach, I can't reply. It would be a violation of my witness protection program agreement."

I've actually said this. Not kidding.

It's also a great line to use if they ask your name.