S/Os and the schedule

[amusedofficial]

Just curious, how far can one push the spouse/SO to accept being a zebra widow without pledging one's entire reffing income to household projects that end up costing four times the fees one receives?

I made the mistake of saying "if I take this schedule, we can re-do the kitchen" only to find that to "re-do" the kitchen involved guys with cement trucks. And guys with cement trucks becoming involved with what you thought was an interior home improvement project is never, ever a good thing.

[grunewar]

Recommend you go hang out at the Home Depot/Lowe's and pray you run into one of those contractor's from HGTV that will give you a FREE full home/kitchen makeover!

You've been married how long to make a statement like that?

Have a good season, I guess........

PS - good luck!

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by amusedofficial

Guys with cement trucks.

Be very careful here. Do not, under any circumstances, accept any high interest loans from guys with cement trucks. Guys with cement trucks are very good at making cement shoes.

[jeschmit]

Originally Posted by amusedofficial

Just curious, how far can one push the spouse/SO to accept being a zebra widow without pledging one's entire reffing income to household projects that end up costing four times the fees one receives?

I made the mistake of saying "if I take this schedule, we can re-do the kitchen" only to find that to "re-do" the kitchen involved guys with cement trucks. And guys with cement trucks becoming involved with what you thought was an interior home improvement project is never, ever a good thing.

This is always a tough subject to tackle with officials' significant others during seasons. I'm currently going through this with my wife in regards to my schedule. She wants me to give up football (I just work HS varsity), and cut back on basketball (basically giving up HS basketball and just working college). I have already given up baseball and softball this year in order to be home more. This is hard to do for those of us that love to do it though!

Basically, we have come to the agreement that every third check will go directly to her for whatever she wants to do (shopping/home renovations/etc), and the other two checks go into the bank acct. That works well for the situation that you've provided... I made the same mistake you did a couple of years ago.

As far as balancing a schedule when you are away from home... YMMV. I have told my wife in the past that I am going to take every game that I am able to take, and when I am not working I am home for her needs. I don't do a darts/bowling/poker/etc league with my buddies, and I don't have guys' nights. If we go out, its as a couple... If we stay in, its as a couple. This has worked pretty well in the past, but we are at another crossroads in balancing my schedule with being at home...

Its not easy, for sure!

[JRutledge]

Well I do not think there is an easy answer. It is my experience they (spouse) either get it or they do not get it. I work three sports but lived with someone for years and we hardly ever had issues working games or not being home. I would bring her to just about everything I could and then take her out as a result. So there were no issues about being away or taking a game somewhere. I am also not a big "go to the bar" guy either. I would come home right after games and because my "SO" was working in a management role, she would get home after me many times.

You either convince them this is important to you or you don't. Then work around your passion and do what you need to make this a minor issue. Unfortunately we have "SO" that are selfish on many levels and think you should always be in their presence. And the marriages I see, the wife/husband just gets it and supports and stays out of it for the most part.

Peace

[Adam]

For some of us, we'd do this for free, but a check is needed to get the wife on board.

As stated, every spouse is different, and some need more free time then others. I'm another one who isn't big on going to bars. I've got Captain Morgan at home if I need a drink, much cheaper than I'd pay at a bar, and spending that time with my wife makes it easier for her to deal with my absence during the season. She was on board with adding football this year, even.

The biggest thing, however is communication. Talk to her about the unexpected expenses. You might be screwed, or she might compromise.

[bob jenkins]

Make life miserable for her when you're home and she'll soon be calling the assigner for you to ask for more game.

[Raymond]

I work only one sport. My wife would not be very understanding if I worked more. Of course, I have no interest in working other sports as I started officiating when my first marriage broke up and as a single parent it was tough enough scheduling my b-ball games around my kids. I couldn't imagine doing it year round for multiple sports.

Now my wife is going take on a full course-load of college classes beginning in January as she attempts to transition to another career. So there is no way I would ever try to justify that a HS game should take precedence over her college classes. So my HS schedule will definitely take a backseat to her career aspirations. However we understand that I will take any college assignment that comes my way.

I don't bring my wife to games as she has absolutely zero interest in watching me officiate a basketball game.

[Rich]

I've never given a check to my wife (which we would find to be a ridiculous notion anyway, since all our money is family money) and I've never been asked to cut my schedule back. I was officiating just as much as when we met 17 years ago and she gets that officiating is a huge part of who I am.

I worked 112 baseball games, 58 basketball dates, and full HS / college football schedules this year, too.

That said, I'm voluntarily cutting my basketball schedule down after this coming season is over. I'm in one-day-a-week mode now (2 more college football games left) and I'm enjoying being home and spending time with my wife and daughter. I'm only taking boys games starting in 2013-14 and I'm thinking this will cut me down from 50-60 varsity games to about 30.

I'm not sure how I'd react if she did ask me to officiate less, mainly because it would be so out of character for my wife. She's a very independent person -- we enjoy our time together, but we also enjoy our time apart, too.

[bainsey]

Originally Posted by amusedofficial

I made the mistake of saying "if I take this schedule, we can re-do the kitchen" only to find that to "re-do" the kitchen involved guys with cement trucks.

Been married 21 years. Sometimes, what was inferred is not what was said.

I've been fortunate. I do three sports. My wife generally only wants to know when I'll be home, and she plans around it. Like Adam's wife, mine probably wouldn't like it if I weren't getting paid. She'll ask me to block certain dates occassionally, and I've also blocked dates this year based on my son's basketball schedule. (He's a senior. No chance I'm missing those games.)

As already stated, people are individuals, and marriage requires communication. You have to work on your own give-and-take. As passionate as we are about the game, remember the role it fits in your life, and those around you.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by bainsey

I've been fortunate. I do three sports. My wife generally only wants to know when I'll be home, and she plans around it.

Yeah, mine too. She doesn't care what time my games start anymore (unless it's the one game per year she takes the kids to watch). I've learned this year (not sure why it took so long) that when she asks my schedule, she wants to know what time I need to leave the house (if I'm even coming home at all before my game) and what time I expect to be home.

In return, she's learned that the time I expect to get home is just an estimate.

The biggest key for me is that as much as I love to officiate; I a husband and father first.

[SE Minnestoa Re]

I've been married 32 years. I finished football last week and have about 4 weeks until basketball starts. I know if will be about two weeks before the wife asks when basketball starts because she is sick of me being around the house so much.

I was officiating before we got married and my schedules have only gotten larger over the years. I cut back about 10 basketball dates (I know have about 30) a few years ago, but it was because I wanted to, not her.

Other colleagues do not have such an understanding wife as I do.

And by the way, our bathroom remodel job is just about done, all paid for in cash by officiating revenues.

[JugglingReferee]

There has been numerous divorces in the basketball officiating world in Ontario. To so many people reffing is more worthwhile.

An understanding SO is key. And my twice-yearly "guy's weekend" (one in each sport) is an officiating weekend where we combine officiating and the local nightlife; it's the best of both worlds.

And paying cash for home improvements is awesome!

[deecee]

When I had a significant other during the season I didn't find that working the games were so much an issue as long as the time spent together is worthwhile for them.

[Scratch85]

Been married 28 years and as far as I know, my wife doesn't mind my refereeing. I am pretty sure my wife finds refereeing less offensive than what I do when I'm not refereeing. Win/Win for both of us!