Very, very disturbing situation - Page 2

Redneck Ref · #16 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 01:15pm

Do "NOT" talk to the parents!!! I learned my lesson from this very same topic. The parent I talked to about his kid running his mouth wanted to know why I was using profanity at his kid? I told him what I said and then the parent stated "Are you calling my kid a liar?" After a few words the parent nows trying to pick a fight. Short story...Had to get game management and call the police to have the parent removed from the gym. So my lesson learned...I will never talk to a parent in this situation again.

Hawks Coach · #17 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 02:01pm

Quote:

Originally posted by coach2
Being a teacher I now and understand what you are trying to tell me. But you can not say that in most cases you can not have a normal conversation with parents.

I can say that 99% of my conversations with parents are quite pleasant. But I can also say that when you address their individual child's behavior, that percentage goes WAY down. I know my parents, and usually know and anticipate who will take feedback positively and who is just going to support their child at all costs. I am usually prepared for those conversations, and I am supposed to be the one to have those conversations. Refs don't know the parents, and don't need to converse with the parents.

I can predict that these parents may be the type to cause trouble. If you give your answer to the school and they won't accept it, I predict that it is 90% likely to be a bad conversation when you talk to them - they don't appear to be inclined to listen to reason.

This parent should go to the school and the school should address their concerns.

PublicBJ · #18 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 02:38pm

Quote:

Originally posted by coach2
What's the problem with talking to the parents? This doesn't hapen every game. I am sure you can explane it in 2 minutes. If they understand it you feel ok.

If they don't you know the boy looks like it's parents and you will feel ok aswell.

Pick up the phone!

Communicate!

Thats what referees are good at!

Good lord, absolutely not. Any communication should be with the AD/school through your association/assignor, and in writing. Or not at all.

coach2 · #19 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 02:46pm

It is a bit hard to express excactly what I mean. I am sorry for that.

If a problem keeps existing. Than maybe via al the commissioners (you call it AD or something like that?)that are helping in this matter. Could decide to make a contact.

And I totaly agree. Not directly after the game.

I repeat not directly after the game. It might kill you!

BigDave · #20 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 07:25pm

I talked with the AD today and gave him my side of the story. He was fine with it and commended me for wanting to get the matter resolved.

I guess the parent just wanted him to follow up and make sure I wasn't someone that had a history of this type of behavior.

It is a dead issue. Thank goodness.

oatmealqueen · #21 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 08:38pm

that someone else in the vicinity called him a mf, and he thought it was you?

mick · #22 (**permalink**) Wed Jan 15, 2003, 09:17pm

Quote:

Originally posted by BigDave
I talked with the AD today and gave him my side of the story. He was fine with it and commended me for wanting to get the matter resolved.

I guess the parent just wanted him to follow up and make sure I wasn't someone that had a history of this type of behavior.

It is a dead issue. Thank goodness.

Attaboy, BigDave!

Pirate · #23 (**permalink**) Thu Jan 16, 2003, 10:54am

Looks like everything worked out O.K. Big Dave, there still is a bit of justice in this world. For future reference, I would agree with 4 sport official and get another player to confirm what you said if it becomes an issue of integrity over who said what. I also agree with most of this board that it is best not to meet with the parents on an incident of this nature. My experience as a teacher, coach, school administrator and now referee tells me that many parents believe what they choose to believe involving issues such as this. Anything you say probably won't change their minds, but if you have a corroborating story from another party, they'll be the one's doing the apologizing instead of you.

tharbert · #24 (**permalink**) Thu Jan 16, 2003, 02:39pm

I had a JVB game this week where A1 drove the lane and I called him for player control. As he dislodged himself from B1's chest, he yelled at me something like "I can't believe you called that foul on me..." loudly while coming straight at me. I promptly T'ed him and got out of there as his teammates got a hold of him. I also remember thinking that if he didn't like the first one; the T wasn't going to go over too well either.

Then, the coach started demanding to know what was said and what happened. I thought, at the time, he was overly worked up about this. He was demanding that he had a right to know... I finished reporting and told the coach the player acted in a unsporting way and left it at that (insert "ran away".) My goal was to get play going to redirect focus back on the game.

Come to find out, A1 was the coach's son. At some point coach stopped being a coach and really wanted to know what his son had done. I would avoid any contact with parents where there is a problem.