? for other Dads out there

[loners4me]

First let me apologize if this is the wrong forum but frankly its the only message board I visit.

I have an 8 year old son who is playing organized basketball for the first time. The problem is he lacks any competitive drive. He says he enjoys it but doesn't care about wins/losses, if his defender scores or if he even touches the ball. (same thing in football and baseball)

I have always used positive reinforcement and words of encouragement. For instance, I will say things like "awesome job today, we just need to work on your footwork a bit. His reply... Dad I dont care if my guy scores.....are we gonna have snack after this?



Some of you veteran officials must have encountered the same thing with your sons. Do I let him do his own thing? Will he get more competitive? Do I push more/less?


I try to take him to my younger games so he can watch older kids but he sits in the stands and plays his Nintendo. When asked he doesn't even care who wins or loses.

Any ideas???

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

Originally Posted by loners4me

First let me apologize if this is the wrong forum but frankly its the only message board I visit.

I have an 8 year old son who is playing organized basketball for the first time. The problem is he lacks any competitive drive. He says he enjoys it but doesn't care about wins/losses, if his defender scores or if he even touches the ball. (same thing in football and baseball)

I have always used positive reinforcement and words of encouragement. For instance, I will say things like "awesome job today, we just need to work on your footwork a bit. His reply... Dad I dont care if my guy scores.....are we gonna have snack after this?



Some of you veteran officials must have encountered the same thing with your sons. Do I let him do his own thing? Will he get more competitive? Do I push more/less?


I try to take him to my younger games so he can watch older kids but he sits in the stands and plays his Nintendo. When asked he doesn't even care who wins or loses.

Any ideas???

He is only 8 years old. Let him be. He will get competitive when he is ready.

MTD, Sr.

[mbyron]

Let it be fun now. Either he'll grow into the game or not.

[Scratch85]

Get used to worrying and second guessing everything. That's what dads do.

He is 8. Basketball is not important it is just fun. Keep it that way.

[jophyal]

i totally agree, let him find himself. if you push, he will resist. take him to a game... high schoool, college, pro, or better yet, a Harlem Globetrotter game. I am a Dad to four ballerina's and one of them is a boy. tough to deal with for an all state football and baseball player... and 3 sport f. however, girls dig dancers and he is coming around to sports. God Bless You and Yours...

[VaTerp]

My experience as a parent is limited to my daughter who is still 2 months shy of her 3rd birthday. But I have worked with kids of all ages as a former high school teacher, coach, director of a Boys and Girls Club, and director of numerous parks and rec sports leagues and summer sports camps.

My $0.02- I agree with the others that he is 8 and not to worry too much about it. And definitely don't push being competitive on him. It will likely only lead to resentment of you and the sport.

But when he says he doesn't care about what happens, I would gently point out that anything worth doing is worth doing correctly and worth doing well. It doesn't matter if you're doing homework, household chores, or playing a game. In the end, it is about having fun and he will decide how seriously he wants to take sports on his own. But I would remind him, gently, to take pride in whatever he does and to try his best.

[biggravy]

My boy is 8 and in his first year of bball too. I am dealing with the same thing. Is your boy the oldest? I've noticed with friends of mine's kids the first one is the toughest. The younger ones get to see an example. I just work with my boy every chance I get and am just now getting him to recognize the improvement he makes. Slowly, very slowly, it is turning into more effort on the court.

[ref2coach]

Give him time to find his own desire for competition. My Son was so laid back that my Father in Law bribed him with buying him ice cream if he would just touch the ball during a game. He is now a scholarship college soccer player who hates to lose and motivates all his team mates. Support him and keep it fun, spending time playing with him not always coaching him.

[letemplay]

Let em be. My first son at a young age loved soccer, but just to kind of run around with a uni with the rest of his buddies. When it came to baseball, he would throw a few in the yard with me and then be more interested in going back inside and doin something else. Basketball was no big deal to him even though he was around it a lot with me. Later, when he was about 11, he started to really get interested in roundball and ended up playing middle school, aau, and jv ball, but decided to concentrate on studies and other school related activities after that, went to college, got degree, is gainfully employed. My younger son was total opposite, as competitive as they come, sleep in the uni type kid. When he was no bigger than a t-ball bat, he would wear me out thrown in the yard and I would have to call it quits, where upon he was in the driveway shootn hoop until dark. He would go on to play all the sports at a very high level thru high school, bball in college and is also now in the work world. My daughters were a bit of a mix between these two, one played college soccer, but are also doing well. Bottom line: Right now when they are very young, no need to worry, or get to uptight about what sort of progress they are, or not making. Just support and unconditional love.

[fullor30]

When my kids were young I was only allowed three questions after their games.

McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy's?

Let him have fun.

[RobbyinTN]

My daughter has been playing ball since she was 5. It wasn't until she reached MS that she started to go from the fun level to the competitive level. She is a sophomore now and plays HS volleyball - was playing HS basketball but has decided to focus on one sport. She is extremely competitive (only sophomore to be a starter and made All-District in VB - yea I am a little proud )

My son plays MS football and is fairly good mainly because he is big. He is in the 6th grade and is 5'10" 185 pounds but doesn't have the competitive drive my daughter has - he may develop that or he may not - time will tell

Had I forced the competitiveness of my daughter when she was younger instead of letting her do it on her own schedule I think she would have dropped out of sports all together. Let kids be kids - plus not every kid is cut out for sports anyway. I hate seeing parents push their kids into sports when the kid really isn't the athletic type.

[26 Year Gap]

Did he want to play? Or did you want him to play? He might have other interests. It is good for a kid to get exercise and athletics is a great way to accomplish that. But it is possible that he would prefer other activities like swimming or skiing or hiking. I wouldn't worry about an 8 year old not being competitive in basketball. Kids who get pushed at an early age sometimes do not turn out so well because they build up resentment.

[Amesman]

It's been well said here in many formats. If you want him to be a good basketball player now, it's really not the time (given his age and interest level). However, you CAN let him know he needs to do something that gets his blood moving (as opposed to XBox, Nintendo, etc. all day).

Then, as some others have suggested, he may pick up more interest in bball ... or something else. Peers also may eventually get him motivated.

Keep him physically fit. He may never get really "competitive," yet alone terribly skilled. But one thing's for sure: If he doesn't want to be (and tunes you out), he won't be.

My two adolescent sons love most sports but probably will never play more than house/rec in any of them probably. But when they do play, they get wrapped up in the game and couldn't care less which level they're at. That's good, as far as attitude.