Communication Skills to Coaches & Players.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by Luis

Well, this is actually a general question. Sometimes we need to communicate with the coaches & the players though there's no such title or term on the rule book & mechanics. I once read the FIBA - Referee & Players' Relationship, that tells me a ref should always be neutral & kind, but his "game call" & "game voice" should be absolute. The most impressive thing is that it says "the game is not a rules clinic, so if it's necessary to explain a call, do that as brief as possible."
So, I'd like to learn from you guys how to be a sensible ref who can communicate with the coaches & players. And I hope you could give me some examples, thanks.

To coaches, there's tons and tons of stuff on this board already, including examples of what works and what doesn't.

The question about communicating with players is a little different, though. My general rule is to say nothing except under two conditions, 1) it might prevent problems, or 2) to respond to a reasonable player question.

Examples of the first are, "Clear the key!" near the beginning of a game; "Hands off!"; "Cool down, I'll take care of it"; and so forth.

For number two, I define a reasonable question as one that is actually requesting real information, and is asked at a good time. "What was that foul for?" "She pushed in the back".

Of course, anytime there's a chance to say something pleasant or encouraging, I do that, although not usually very loudly. "Good shot!" "Cute socks!" Stuff like that. I suppose "Cute socks" isn't a very good example. It wouldn't go over very well with about half of the players in the world.

[Luis]

Great suggestions, thank you. Yes, I respond the reasonable players too especially they're in kind & respectful acts. To those who're ridiculous, impolite or something, I will very likely give them a warning or just skip it. In tough problems like to-do-fight, I(and my partners) will try our best to control the situation like "easy man, we all don't wanna see the game like this, so we gotta go on playing a nice game!". But anyway, I just don't have enough chances like this so I just wanna learn from you guys about these situations.

[Official99]

I am the opposite and am a firm believer in talking. Even if I am talking aloud to myself.

I am honest with them and if they ask a question I give them the best answer I can. But I also like to talk to them and initiate the conversation. I like talking with the players. I want to let them know I am there. I find that words of encouragement to players on both teams, at both ends of the court, can really help a game and diffuse intense situations quickly.

When I am administering the free throws you will always find me saying things like "great hustle gentlemen" or "keep up the hard work guys". And if there is a loose ball and a lot of hustle I will always be encouraging the players on their hard work of getting on the floor. A lot of times, kids have the persona that refs are only blowing the whistle when they do something wrong (i.e. foul, violation, etc) why can't they see us from the other side too? The side where we can encourage them for their hard work.

I have been to a lot of camps, and I have never been docked for the way I talk to players. In fact, most of the time I am praised.

Talking to people, any person, is a gift. Some people have it and some people don't. It is however, one of those gifts, that after time, anyone can possess. Just remember not to rush what you want to say, take your time and say it. Be polite and expect nothing less in return. Especially with players and coaches. I observed a game last year where a coach was upset with an official, he wasn't yelling. But as soon as the referee turned and yelled for him to "shut up" he started yelling back! If the referee had only calmly asked the coach to return to his box or even just went on with the game, the whole problem could have been avoided.

Also remember not to single out players. If you are saying something loud enough for everyone to hear, it should be addressed to everyone (i.e. "good work gentlemen" as apposed to "good rebound 23"). Singling out players leads to many problems. If you have something that only that player should hear, then pull them aside and whisper it.

One last point I want to mention, why do we have this thing where officials walk over to their partners and tell them "this coach has been warned"? You fight your own battles and I will fight mine. Just because you have a problem with this coach doesn't mean I should too, and if he was warned by you, he wasn't by me. I understand that we should be "uniform" but not in this case. If you want to T the coach up, then go ahead and do it, but don't expect me to T the coach up because the first thing I heard him say based on you telling me he was "warned". Fight your own battles when it comes to coaches!

Good luck in talking to your players and coaches, Luis. You will get the gift, if you don't already have it.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Official99

1) But I also like to talk to them and initiate the conversation. I like talking with the players. I want to let them know I am there. I find that words of encouragement to players on both teams, at both ends of the court, can really help a game and diffuse intense situations quickly.

2) A lot of times, kids have the persona that refs are only blowing the whistle when they do something wrong (i.e. foul, violation, etc) why can't they see us from the other side too?

3) One last point I want to mention, why do we have this thing where officials walk over to their partners and tell them "this coach has been warned"? You fight your own battles and I will fight mine. Just because you have a problem with this coach doesn't mean I should too, and if he was warned by you, he wasn't by me. I understand that we should be "uniform" but not in this case. If you want to T the coach up, then go ahead and do it, but don't expect me to T the coach up because the first thing I heard him say based on you telling me he was "warned". Fight your own battles when it comes to coaches!

1) Initiate conversations? Without a real reason for doing so? Well, if that works for you, good luck to you. Personally, I think that's absolutely terrible advice. Imo, the last thing in the world that the players and coaches want to do out there is form a meaningful relationship with an official. They just want to play the game without someone breaking their concentration with meaningless chit-chat. You can be positive and approachable out there without sucking up to players and coaches, which is what you are basically advocating. Initiating dialogue for game management reasons is fine; being a cheerleader isn't. Just do your job well as an official; that'll get you the acceptance that you're looking for.

2) Well, that's kinda confusing. Of course we only only blow our whistles when someone does something wrong. That's why we're out there, isn't it? Why would we blow our whistles when they do something right? I hate to say it, but I think that you might be wearing the wrong uniform; it sounds like a cheerleader's outfit might be more appropriate. I also hate to tell you, but the first call that you make that someone doesn't agree with, you're gonna be just a regular ol' official azzhole again instead of Doctor Phil.

3) Well........forget it. I don't think that you'd get it anyway, and you sureasheck aren't gonna agree with me. I don't have to work with you anyway, so I don't have to worry about my back.

[Official99]

Originally Posted by Jurassic Referee

1) Initiate conversations? Without a real reason for doing so? Well, if that works for you, good luck to you. Personally, I think that's absolutely terrible advice. Imo, the last thing in the world that the players and coaches want to do out there is form a meaningful relationship with an official. They just want to play the game without someone breaking their concentration with meaningless chit-chat. You can be positive and approachable out there without sucking up to players and coaches, which is what you are basically advocating. Initiating dialogue for game management reasons is fine; being a cheerleader isn't. Just do your job well as an official; that'll get you the acceptance that you're looking for.

2) Well, that's kinda confusing. Of course we only only blow our whistles when someone does something wrong. That's why we're out there, isn't it? Why would we blow our whistles when they do something right? I hate to say it, but I think that you might be wearing the wrong uniform; it sounds like a cheerleader's outfit might be more appropriate. I also hate to tell you, but the first call that you make that someone doesn't agree with, you're gonna be just a regular ol' official azzhole again instead of Doctor Phil.

3) Well........forget it. I don't think that you'd get it anyway, and you sureasheck aren't gonna agree with me. I don't have to work with you anyway, so I don't have to worry about my back.

First of all, I never said I suck up to the players or the coaches.

Second of all, I am not a cheerleader, I am a referee!

Thirdly, I never said we blow our whistles for them doing something right.

Did you read anything I wrote? The benefit of talking to the players during the game (that I have found) is when I do make that call that they may disagree with me on, they don't go overboard in their displeasure. In fact, they usually come up and talk to me - they ask "why did you make that call?" or "why didn't I get that call?" - rather than yelling.

I am not sure what level games you referee, but I have worked my way up from the youth level to college with the same philosophy. I have traveled as far away as Las Vegas for games (from NH that is a long ways). I have done games in front of Lute Olson among many other great coaches. My philosophy works and that's all that matters. Thanks for disagreeing with me.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Official99

First of all, I never said I suck up to the players or the coaches.

Second of all, I am not a cheerleader, I am a referee!

Thirdly, I never said we blow our whistles for them doing something right.

Did you read anything I wrote? The benefit of talking to the players during the game (that I have found) is when I do make that call that they may disagree with me on, they don't go overboard in their displeasure. In fact, they usually come up and talk to me - they ask "why did you make that call?" or "why didn't I get that call?" - rather than yelling.

I am not sure what level games you referee, but I have worked my way up from the youth level to college with the same philosophy. I have traveled as far away as Las Vegas for games (from NH that is a long ways). I have done games in front of Lute Olson among many other great coaches. My philosophy works and that's all that matters. Thanks for disagreeing with me.

The level of games that I work or haven't worked isn't relevant as far as I'm concerned. What I post here is. Just take it fwiw; you don't have to agree with it. I don't believe in posting my resume, and I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me. Apparently you do believe in posting your resume, thinking that it might mean something. Sorry. Unfortunately, your resume doesn't really mean much to me at at all.

Iow, I didn't expect you to agree with me anyway, right from the git-go

Btw, since you did post your resume, when you said you're working "college", you do mean at the D1 level, don't you? What D1 conferences are you currently working in? Just wondering...

Hey, if you think being Mr. Nice Guy means that you ain't gonna get crap from players, then you're living in a dream world imo. But, hey, if it works for you, great. Again imo though, any official is only as good as his last call...and if that last call went against a team, right or wrong, then all the sucking around and cheerleading in the world ain't gonna help you.

It is too bad though that you don't show the same concern for your partners that you do for the players/coaches.

Again, jmo, like it or not.

[M&M Guy]

Originally Posted by Official99

...rather than just attacking like most other people on this site. Thankfully, half of these guys I will never meet, nor do I ever want to meet.

Let me apologize for attacking you. I thought I was just giving my opinion on communication between partners.

Originally Posted by Official99

First of all, I never said I suck up to the players or the coaches.

Second of all, I am not a cheerleader, I am a referee!

I'm 100% sure you feel this way. But here's something to consider: how does it appear to other people? Are other people, who aren't involved in your conversation, 100% sure you aren't sucking up to the players or coaches? How do you know the players really don't think you are sucking up to them? After all, other refs don't talk to them that often. How do you know A1 isn't thinking you're a complete jerk for not commenting on his dunk, when you said, "Nice move" to B2 earlier? Perception may not always be what you think it is.

Talking to players and coaches is an art; not everyone has the ability to pull it off effectively. As you can even see just on this forum, it is difficult to get your point across without someone jumping on it, even though you might actually agree in principle. Sometimes talking to players does help. But I've also seen it backfire many times. So, unless you know for sure your way prevents more problems than it causes, it's best to err on the side of not talking as much. It has been mentioned many times around here that no one can quote silence.

There was a women that went into a specialty shop and was looking at a bag of imported walnuts. The young male clerk came up and asked if he could help. She said, "No thanks, I'm just looking at your nuts." Innocent response, but not exactly what she intended. Just be careful the same thing doesn't happen on the court by talking too much.

[Official99]

I think you guys are misunderstanding what I mean by "talking to the players".

I don't speak directly to an individual player unless I am answering a question or warning them and at that time I am doing just that. When I said I like talking to the players, I like talking to them as a group. For example, when I am the lead and administering a free throw, I will tell the players "good hustle gentlemen" or when I breaking up a loose ball dive, I will say something like "strong work boys." I very rarely say something to an individual player or team, I try and keep my encouragement comments to all the players on the court. And if the post play is getting rough I will say something like "fella's keep in legal."

So, hopefully you understand, I am not kissing up or sucking up to any players.

[Nate1224hoops]

Originally Posted by Official99

First of all, I never said I suck up to the players or the coaches.

Second of all, I am not a cheerleader, I am a referee!

Thirdly, I never said we blow our whistles for them doing something right.

Did you read anything I wrote? The benefit of talking to the players during the game (that I have found) is when I do make that call that they may disagree with me on, they don't go overboard in their displeasure. In fact, they usually come up and talk to me - they ask "why did you make that call?" or "why didn't I get that call?" - rather than yelling.

I am not sure what level games you referee, but I have worked my way up from the youth level to college with the same philosophy. I have traveled as far away as Las Vegas for games (from NH that is a long ways). I have done games in front of Lute Olson among many other great coaches. My philosophy works and that's all that matters. Thanks for disagreeing with me.

Official99, this is a great message board. Nearly everyone in here will lend a helping line or two. Most here will tell you when you do/did something wrong and tell you how to improve. Some, not mentioning names (juraassic), will only tell you how stupid you are and NOT fail to mention their perfect ways. Some peoples screenname will give it away...JURASSSSic Ref...that tells you all you need to know right there.
Keep your head up. This is a great place to share your ideas.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Nate1224hoops

Official99, this is a great message board. Nearly everyone in here will lend a helping line or two. Most here will tell you when you do/did something wrong and tell you how to improve. Some, not mentioning names (juraassic), will only tell you how stupid you are and NOT fail to mention their perfect ways. Some peoples screenname will give it away...JURASSSSic Ref...that tells you all you need to know right there.
Keep your head up. This is a great place to share your ideas.

Again, good luck coaching, Nate. Wise choice. Seriously.

[Nate1224hoops]

Originally Posted by Jurassic Referee

1) Initiate conversations? Without a real reason for doing so? Well, if that works for you, good luck to you. Personally, I think that's absolutely terrible advice. Imo, the last thing in the world that the players and coaches want to do out there is form a meaningful relationship with an official. They just want to play the game without someone breaking their concentration with meaningless chit-chat. You can be positive and approachable out there without sucking up to players and coaches, which is what you are basically advocating. Initiating dialogue for game management reasons is fine; being a cheerleader isn't. Just do your job well as an official; that'll get you the acceptance that you're looking for.

2) Well, that's kinda confusing. Of course we only only blow our whistles when someone does something wrong. That's why we're out there, isn't it? Why would we blow our whistles when they do something right? I hate to say it, but I think that you might be wearing the wrong uniform; it sounds like a cheerleader's outfit might be more appropriate. I also hate to tell you, but the first call that you make that someone doesn't agree with, you're gonna be just a regular ol' official azzhole again instead of Doctor Phil.

3) Well........forget it. I don't think that you'd get it anyway, and you sureasheck aren't gonna agree with me. I don't have to work with you anyway, so I don't have to worry about my back.

1) I am a coach now (official before) and I love when official are polite, courteous, and act like human beings. Talking with players and coaches is IMO an excellent way to establish relationships. A coach will be much less likely to yell and scream at you if you have a rapport with him/her. My question to you is this....HOW CAN IT HURT?? I don't think anyone mentioned sucking up, only you. Big difference between sucking up and conversation. I agree completely....you do need to do your job well, but where does it say that conversation with player/coaches is or isn't part of your job. Again you refer to things not mentioned before "cheerleading." Saying "great job" or "nice hustle" isn't cheerleading. From the sound of things your the ref that every coach and player hates see come through the gym doors on game night. My guess is that your favorite comment is "Coach, you coach and I'll ref."

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Nate1224hoops

Again you refer to things not mentioned before "cheerleading." Saying "great job" or "nice hustle" isn't cheerleading. From the sound of things your the ref that every coach and player hates see come through the gym doors on game night. My guess is that your favorite comment is "Coach, you coach and I'll ref."

I do this all the time. I do this for two reasons. First it lets the players know I am around them during loose ball plays. I want the players to know I am around so nothing funny can happen during dead ball situations. I also do not go out of my way to say things like this. I only say this when a player or two can hear me.

Also think that is made clear, a lot of our communication is non-verbal. When players come yelling or animated, I might just give those players a look and not say a single word. Then go back to what I was doing before.

Not all types of communication are going to work the same way for anyone.

Peace

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Nate1224hoops

1) I am a coach now (official before) and I love when official are polite, courteous, and act like human beings. Talking with players and coaches is IMO an excellent way to establish relationships. A coach will be much less likely to yell and scream at you if you have a rapport with him/her. My question to you is this....HOW CAN IT HURT?? I don't think anyone mentioned sucking up, only you. Big difference between sucking up and conversation. I agree completely....you do need to do your job well, but where does it say that conversation with player/coaches is or isn't part of your job. Again you refer to things not mentioned before "cheerleading." Saying "great job" or "nice hustle" isn't cheerleading. From the sound of things your the ref that every coach and player hates see come through the gym doors on game night. My guess is that your favorite comment is "Coach, you coach and I'll ref."

Nate, good luck with the coach's gig. From your previous posts here, you've certainly made the right choice in giving up officiating. Our avocation obviously wasn't meant for you.

As usual, you don't have a clue what the point being made was. Lemme spell it out for you:
1) Communication is good.
2) Initiating conversations just to cheerlead and to suck around is bad.
3) Throwing your partners under the bus while trying to be Mr. Nice Guy is horrible.

You can be polite, courteous and act like a human being without sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

And yes, there is a big difference between sucking up and communicating. Unfortunately, imo Official 99 doesn't know the difference. It looks like you don't either, which really doesn't surprise me.

If you want to disagree with that, hey, knock yourself out.

Again, good luck with the coaching. Wise choice.

[Nate1224hoops]

Originally Posted by Jurassic Referee

Nate, good luck with the coach's gig. From your previous posts here, you've certainly made the right choice in giving up officiating. Our avocation obviously wasn't meant for you.

As usual, you don't have a clue what the point being made was. Lemme spell it out for you:
1) Communication is good.
2) Initiating conversations just to cheerlead and to suck around is bad.
3) Throwing your partners under the bus while trying to be Mr. Nice Guy is horrible.

You can be polite, courteous and act like a human being without sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

And yes, there is a big difference between sucking up and communicating. Unfortunately, imo Official 99 doesn't know the difference. It looks like you don't either, which really doesn't surprise me.

If you want to disagree with that, hey, knock yourself out.

Again, good luck with the coaching. Wise choice.

JR you continue to show all our members just what a joke you are. Conversation is good. Show me where I said that it isn't. Sucking up..you are the JA who used those words, no one else. Cheerleading, again you and only you. Encouragement yes, cheerleading no. I am positive you know the difference between sucking up and communicating, b/c I am sure you do a lot of SUCKING.
YOU KEEP PULLING THINGS OUT YOUR EAR. Who said anything about sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Carrying on conversation, at the appropriate time, with players or coaches is only going to gain you their respect. Again, you wouldn't know anything about that. All you know how to do is put other people down.

The change of hobby comes b/c of a holes like you. I got tired of working with them. It's people like you who give the rest of these guys here a bad name.

[Luis]

Originally Posted by Official99

I am the opposite and am a firm believer in talking. Even if I am talking aloud to myself.

I am honest with them and if they ask a question I give them the best answer I can. But I also like to talk to them and initiate the conversation. I like talking with the players. I want to let them know I am there. I find that words of encouragement to players on both teams, at both ends of the court, can really help a game and diffuse intense situations quickly.

When I am administering the free throws you will always find me saying things like "great hustle gentlemen" or "keep up the hard work guys". And if there is a loose ball and a lot of hustle I will always be encouraging the players on their hard work of getting on the floor. A lot of times, kids have the persona that refs are only blowing the whistle when they do something wrong (i.e. foul, violation, etc) why can't they see us from the other side too? The side where we can encourage them for their hard work.

I have been to a lot of camps, and I have never been docked for the way I talk to players. In fact, most of the time I am praised.

Talking to people, any person, is a gift. Some people have it and some people don't. It is however, one of those gifts, that after time, anyone can possess. Just remember not to rush what you want to say, take your time and say it. Be polite and expect nothing less in return. Especially with players and coaches. I observed a game last year where a coach was upset with an official, he wasn't yelling. But as soon as the referee turned and yelled for him to "shut up" he started yelling back! If the referee had only calmly asked the coach to return to his box or even just went on with the game, the whole problem could have been avoided.

Also remember not to single out players. If you are saying something loud enough for everyone to hear, it should be addressed to everyone (i.e. "good work gentlemen" as apposed to "good rebound 23"). Singling out players leads to many problems. If you have something that only that player should hear, then pull them aside and whisper it.

One last point I want to mention, why do we have this thing where officials walk over to their partners and tell them "this coach has been warned"? You fight your own battles and I will fight mine. Just because you have a problem with this coach doesn't mean I should too, and if he was warned by you, he wasn't by me. I understand that we should be "uniform" but not in this case. If you want to T the coach up, then go ahead and do it, but don't expect me to T the coach up because the first thing I heard him say based on you telling me he was "warned". Fight your own battles when it comes to coaches!

Good luck in talking to your players and coaches, Luis. You will get the gift, if you don't already have it.

Thank you very much, Paul. I think you're just gonna be a FIBA ref, haa! Cuz you meet every points of Players-Referee Relationship. Yes, sometimes I will praise or encourage some player to play, that's really good advice! You're quite optimisic and confident about the game, I really appreciate it.