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Old Sat Dec 04, 2004, 07:37pm
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Our local rec league had its season kick-off Jamboree today with teams playing two or three mini-games of two 10-minute running clock halves. All the refs donated their time. I worked five of those and, since my games were all 7th and 8th grade girls, some funny stuff happened.

1) Before one of the games, a girl was warming up with 3 bracelets on one arm and 2 on the other. I told her "bracelets off". She complied. The game started and on the first trip down the court, she was on defense and had both hands in the back of the opposition's post player. I yelled, "Hands off". She dropped them, looked at me and said, "I have to take off my hands, too?" At first, I thought she was joking, but then I realized she was serious. Yep, she was blonde.

2) Even though this was just a warm up for the teams, I had one jerk coach riding me and my partner. I remembered a thread from this board and stopped the game. I went over to him and said, "During regular games where I get paid, my tolerance level for coach's crap is pretty low. Today, when I'm volunteering and not getting paid - it's zero. Do I make myself clear?" He nodded and said he was sorry. Not another peep out of him.

3) I had one team for two of the mini-games. In both games, they scored a total of zero points.

4) One of my partners asked me for any tips I might have for him. I told him to get a decent looking pair of shoes.

5) Before one game, one girl asked me if she had to remove her tongue stud. I asked her what might happen if she got hit in the mouth with the ball. Her eyes went really wide and she rushed over to the coach and removed it.

6) No timeouts except for injury were allowed. One team had three games in a row and had only five players. By halftime of the third game, they were really dragging it. The coach asked me if he could have a timeout or two in the second half. I told him only for injury. He asked me if it would be OK if his girls "pretended to be injured".

7) One girl told me that a player on the other team's shoes "didn't match". I said that as long as they matched her feet, it was OK. I still don't know what that was all about.

8) One mom brought a cup of coffee into the gym. No food or drink is allowed in the gyms and it is posted on big signs on the doors. I told her she would have to take it outside and she said, "BUT IT'S AN EGG-NOG LATTE!!!!" I told her I didn't care if it was 10 year old Scotch, she had to go outside with it.

9) I had the chance to use one of my favorite Davisms. A player was on the floor with the ball and tried to stand up. I called a travel. The coach asked me why it was a travel. I told him that she moved her "pivot cheek".

10) In one game, a girl threw a pass to a teammate who was under the basket. Unfortunately, she turned while the pass was in the air and it hit her right in the back of the head. She fell down, but wasn't hurt. She got up and said angrily to her teammate, "You can forget about coming to my party tonight."
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Old Sat Dec 04, 2004, 08:23pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mark Padgett
Our local rec league had its season kick-off Jamboree today with teams playing two or three mini-games of two 10-minute running clock halves. All the refs donated their time. I worked five of those and, since my games were all 7th and 8th grade girls, some funny stuff happened.

1) Before one of the games, a girl was warming up with 3 bracelets on one arm and 2 on the other. I told her "bracelets off". She complied. The game started and on the first trip down the court, she was on defense and had both hands in the back of the opposition's post player. I yelled, "Hands off". She dropped them, looked at me and said, "I have to take off my hands, too?" At first, I thought she was joking, but then I realized she was serious. Yep, she was blonde.

2) Even though this was just a warm up for the teams, I had one jerk coach riding me and my partner. I remembered a thread from this board and stopped the game. I went over to him and said, "During regular games where I get paid, my tolerance level for coach's crap is pretty low. Today, when I'm volunteering and not getting paid - it's zero. Do I make myself clear?" He nodded and said he was sorry. Not another peep out of him.

3) I had one team for two of the mini-games. In both games, they scored a total of zero points.

4) One of my partners asked me for any tips I might have for him. I told him to get a decent looking pair of shoes.

5) Before one game, one girl asked me if she had to remove her tongue stud. I asked her what might happen if she got hit in the mouth with the ball. Her eyes went really wide and she rushed over to the coach and removed it.

6) No timeouts except for injury were allowed. One team had three games in a row and had only five players. By halftime of the third game, they were really dragging it. The coach asked me if he could have a timeout or two in the second half. I told him only for injury. He asked me if it would be OK if his girls "pretended to be injured".

7) One girl told me that a player on the other team's shoes "didn't match". I said that as long as they matched her feet, it was OK. I still don't know what that was all about.

8) One mom brought a cup of coffee into the gym. No food or drink is allowed in the gyms and it is posted on big signs on the doors. I told her she would have to take it outside and she said, "BUT IT'S AN EGG-NOG LATTE!!!!" I told her I didn't care if it was 10 year old Scotch, she had to go outside with it.

9) I had the chance to use one of my favorite Davisms. A player was on the floor with the ball and tried to stand up. I called a travel. The coach asked me why it was a travel. I told him that she moved her "pivot cheek".

10) In one game, a girl threw a pass to a teammate who was under the basket. Unfortunately, she turned while the pass was in the air and it hit her right in the back of the head. She fell down, but wasn't hurt. She got up and said angrily to her teammate, "You can forget about coming to my party tonight."
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old Sat Dec 04, 2004, 10:13pm
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Cool

Quote:
Originally posted by Mark Padgett
3) I had one team for two of the mini-games. In both games, they scored a total of zero points.
Was that Zero points in each game, or Zero points combined?
mick
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 12:35am
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Quote:
Originally posted by mick
Quote:
Originally posted by Mark Padgett
3) I had one team for two of the mini-games. In both games, they scored a total of zero points.
Was that Zero points in each game, or Zero points combined?
mick
We'll need a calculator.
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 10:20am
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Quote:
Originally posted by just another ref
We'll need a calculator.
A calculator might not help in all situation involving zeros.

0 + 0 = 0
0 - 0 = 0
0 * 0 = 0
0 / 0 = ????

Anyone? Bueller?
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 01:22pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by mick
Quote:
Originally posted by Mark Padgett
3) I had one team for two of the mini-games. In both games, they scored a total of zero points.
Was that Zero points in each game, or Zero points combined?
mick
They averaged zero points for the day.

Even in metric, it still comes out to zero.
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  #7 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 01:50pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by JugglingReferee
Quote:
Originally posted by just another ref
We'll need a calculator.
A calculator might not help in all situation involving zeros.

0 + 0 = 0
0 - 0 = 0
0 * 0 = 0
0 / 0 = ????

Anyone? Bueller?
0 / 0 Anything you want it to be since anything * 0 = 0
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  #8 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 01:59pm
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Location: Hell
Posts: 20,221
Quote:
Originally posted by Dan_ref
Getting close?



Q: Why is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10ΒΆ a screw!

Q: What is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What's the mating call of the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly person of unspecified racial or religious heritage?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: What's a person of a potentially differing unspecified racial or religious heritage's mating call?
A: Has that person of an unspecified racial or religious heritage gone yet?

Q: Why is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What's the first thing a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage does in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: Why did the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage!

Q: What's the difference between a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage and a rooster?
A: A rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Hmmmmmm, now I know why politically correct jokes never caught on. They plain just ain't funny.

Yo mama's so fat she had to hire a lifeguard for her cereal bowl!
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 02:20pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stat-Man
Quote:
Originally posted by JugglingReferee
Quote:
Originally posted by just another ref
We'll need a calculator.
A calculator might not help in all situation involving zeros.

0 + 0 = 0
0 - 0 = 0
0 * 0 = 0
0 / 0 = ????

Anyone? Bueller?
0 / 0 Anything you want it to be since anything * 0 = 0
Some of my math students probably believed this to be the right answer.

Regards,
Professor L'Hopital
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  #10 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 07:58pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jurassic Referee

Hmmmmmm, now I know why politically correct jokes never caught on. They plain just ain't funny.

Yo mama's so fat she had to hire a lifeguard for her cereal bowl! [/B][/QUOTE]

I think you mean to say "One of your non-gender specific parents has a body weight so far exceeding the national norms that he/she needs to hire a lifeguard to protect her when she consumes her morning meal".

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 08:39pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dan_ref
Quote:
Originally posted by Jurassic Referee

Hmmmmmm, now I know why politically correct jokes never caught on. They plain just ain't funny.

Yo mama's so fat she had to hire a lifeguard for her cereal bowl!
I think you mean to say "One of your non-gender specific parents has a body weight so far exceeding the national norms that he/she needs to hire a lifeguard to protect her when she consumes her morning meal".

[/B][/QUOTE]Naw, I meant to say:

Yo mama's so fat that to get off of her, you gotta roll over twice.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 08:50pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jurassic Referee
Quote:
Originally posted by Dan_ref
Quote:
Originally posted by Jurassic Referee

Hmmmmmm, now I know why politically correct jokes never caught on. They plain just ain't funny.

Yo mama's so fat she had to hire a lifeguard for her cereal bowl!
I think you mean to say "One of your non-gender specific parents has a body weight so far exceeding the national norms that he/she needs to hire a lifeguard to protect her when she consumes her morning meal".

Naw, I meant to say:

Yo mama's so fat that to get off of her, you gotta roll over twice. [/B][/QUOTE]

Here's one: One of your non-gender specific parents has a body weight so far exceeding the national norms that he/she prefers the taste of Wheat Thicks to the taste of the national brand Wheat Thins.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old Sun Dec 05, 2004, 10:37pm
We don't rent pigs
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 7,627
Quote:
Originally posted by Dan_ref
Getting close?



Q: Why is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10ΒΆ a screw!

Q: What is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What's the mating call of the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly person of unspecified racial or religious heritage?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: What's a person of a potentially differing unspecified racial or religious heritage's mating call?
A: Has that person of an unspecified racial or religious heritage gone yet?

Q: Why is a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What's the first thing a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage does in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: Why did the person of unspecified racial or religious heritage have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage!

Q: What's the difference between a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage and a rooster?
A: A rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", a person of unspecified racial or religious heritage says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

I could be wrong, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that this is not exactly the adjustment rainmaker had in mind.
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