Advice requested

JugglingReferee · #1 (**permalink**) Sun Feb 04, 2001, 06:58pm

Hey,

Here's my "dilemma":

I am 28. I'm in the 6th year (more or less) of officiating. I've had some amazing successes, and continue to be called to ref some fairly heavy games. However, when cleanly shaven, which is almost all the time, I look like I am younger. I've gotten anywhere from 18 (that makes me laugh) to 23. Typically, people's responses are 21, 22.

This one coach, after I reffed his team, called our board's assignor and complained that I was very lazy during the 1st half. This coach, in the past, has made comments regarding my youth, during games. Some comments, as I've interpreted them, are 'talking down to me'. As an official, I feel like I have to determine what is personal and what are comments against the position of a referee. On some occasions, he's lead me to believe that he thinks I am a high school student. To me, this is personal. Comments during a game such as "you'll understand better when you're older" was said before Christmas.

I'm not sure how to handle this within my local board. I'm assured them that I will take this accusation seriously, and will work harder (they know me to be a hard worker) becuase of the comment.

Has anyone else had to deal with anythign like this? I know it's a weird post, but this coach is rapidly loosing alot of respect from me, and if I am assigned to another of his games, I'm concerned that I will have to take things to another level. Either a formal complaint about him, or T him up. However, to T him up for such comments seems kinda "weenie".

Comments, questions, etc.... are very welcomed!

..Mike

OPTIPLEX2001 · #2 (**permalink**) Sun Feb 04, 2001, 08:18pm

Screw him. Give him a technical every single time.

Matthew

mick · #3 (**permalink**) Sun Feb 04, 2001, 09:32pm

Quote:

Originally posted by JugglingReferee

Has anyone else had to deal with anythign like this? I know it's a weird post, but this coach is rapidly loosing alot of respect from me, and if I am assigned to another of his games, I'm concerned that I will have to take things to another level. Either a formal complaint about him, or T him up. However, to T him up for such comments seems kinda "weenie".

Comments, questions, etc.... are very welcomed!

..Mike

Mike,
Before a game...
Compliment, or ask questions, about how his team is doing.
Ask if he has any children playing.
Allude to your experience and age, and your desire to improve. Ask him his advice, if possible.
Little, by little, let him get to know who you are.
But, never, ever, let his ridicule get personal. Be firm, Be professional. Don't cave to his expectations, change 'em.
mick

rpwall · #4 (**permalink**) Mon Feb 05, 2001, 08:51am

Every coach, fan, player and partner forms opinions about us based on our physical appearance ... we may to too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, etc.

This particular coach just happens to verbalize his prejudices. If you observe how coaches/teachers address students/players sometimes, it will sound falimiar. My theory is they have a hard time shofting from teacher-demeanor to dealing with officials on a quasi-peer basis.

If you have him again, stay professional and prove him wrong. Your assignor will recognize that the coach's complaint re: being lazy is isolated/unwarranted. I would not let that hang over you. Focus on satisfying your own expectations, you won't be able to please all the coaches all the time. If you have the luxury of there being many other teams in your area, I'd suggest just staying away from this guy.

donfowler · #5 (**permalink**) Mon Feb 05, 2001, 09:49am

Stay a professional at all times!!!!!!!
Don't lower yourself to the coach's standards.
He will find out your age sooner or later. When he does he should feel like a jerk. (Then again, maybe not!!)
Let him keep his childish opnions.

Brian Watson · #6 (**permalink**) Mon Feb 05, 2001, 10:01am

To me, he sounds like he is the type of coach who tries to find your nerve, so he can jump on it. We have a coach here who will use your name during the game like you have been buds for years.

"come on Brian get him off our guys"
"Brian you know he was straight up"

Etc. Drives me nuts.

In regard to your first question I would ask the assoc to make him submit the video of the game in question, let your board review it, and provide the coach with a formal response. The eye-in-the-sky doesn't lie, and it will let him know they are looking in to it. If they get you a copy to review later on by yourself, then bonus, it is always good to watch yourself. Nothing worse then being on the 11 o'clock news and looking like a schmuck.

For you other issue, the second he gets personal, whack. The next time, whack. He'll learn that he can't push you araound anymore. Even if you don't think that is what is happening, in his mind he has an edge over you because you have never "pushed" back with a T.

I just wish Dave could get this guy in a rec league for 10 minutes.

Bart Tyson · #7 (**permalink**) Mon Feb 05, 2001, 11:32am

I have to agree, when a coach makes a comment like this coach did, you should give him a T. Remember a T is just another foul. No big deal. T him up and move on with the game.

Mark Padgett · #8 (**permalink**) Mon Feb 05, 2001, 12:40pm

Quote:

Originally posted by Brian Watson

I just wish Dave could get this guy in a rec league for 10 minutes.

I don't think it would take even 10 minutes. Dave just loves it when a coach makes a personal remark. Last year, a coach was making remarks about Dave limping during a game (he hurt his leg skiing), calling him "Chester" and stuff like that. The coach was somewhat balding (he looked like he had a "fivehead"). Dave was calling a good game and there were a lot of fouls. The coach yelled at Dave for calling so many. Dave said, "I know you want to get out early, Coach, because the Rogaine special at Walgreen's expires at 6, but I gotta call the fouls."