What do you say to coaches?

[Mark Padgett]

1. "call it both ways ref"

if Dave has just called a foul such as "blue - 24, 2 shots" he will say "OK coach, 24 - blue, 2 shots - that's both ways - satisfied now?"

2. "look at the fouls ref, it's 7 to 1"

"Glad to hear you can count. Those hours watching Sesame Street have really paid off."

3. "he went over his back ref" This is during a rebound with his player in front of the opponent and no call is made.

"Yeah - and he'll probably do it 10 more times - what's your point?"

4. "when are you going to call the 3 secs ref"

"About 3 seconds after you learn the rule."

5. When you make a blocking call on his player and the coach insists that he was set.

"Yeah coach, and pigs can fly."

6. "Isn't the hand part of the ball" This would be on a shot attempt.

"If that was true, then his hand would have gone through the basket."

Of course comments are used only by a trained professional on a closed course. Kids - don't try this at home.