Assistant chirping from stands

[UNIgiantslayers]

I've been turning this one over in my mind since last night, so I thought I'd post it here and see what you guys think.

I had an open night last night because I ran a marathon a week ago so I didn't schedule anything for this week. I was feeling recovered for the most part so I took a JV double header that a school close by needed someone for. JV girls games are just brutal.

In the boys game, a guy keeps chirping about calls from behind the bench. No big deal, I figured it was a fan so whatever. At halftime I notice him coming out of the locker room with the team. I meant to tell the HC to keep him under control since he's a coach but it slipped my mind. 4th quarter, about 6 min left in the game. He says "Oh you guys are just missing all kinds of stuff, sir." So I put air in the whistle and whack him. As I'm reporting the foul, the HC wants to know what the deal is. I said "Coach, I'm not going to have your assistant chirping at us anymore." He starts out onto the court saying "Wait a minute, you need to pay attention to the game and ignore what's going on over here." He's a pretty big guy (probably 6'3" or so and 275) and I'm not (5'9" 150), and he is right in my face on the court. I tell him "Coach, you're going to want to go back to the bench," and he walks (EDITED TO ADD: walks even closer to me) so that we are maybe 5" apart. I whack him and walk away.

I was working with a partner who I'd never worked with before and who told me before the game this was his first year back since the 90s (he quit when his kids started playing). If I were him, I would have come over and offered support/try to take over to get the calling official out of the situation, but he just stood at the baseline ready to administer the FT.

After the game right after we observe the handshakes, the assistant who got the first T walks up and says "Can I ask you guys a question?" and I didn't really want to, but my partner said yeah. So I stand there for a second and he first apologizes then he starts questioning the T. I just said "I'm not going to discuss that with you. If you're not the head coach, keep your mouth shut on the bench," and I walked away. My partner stood there and talked to him for a few minutes. He said the guy thought he was okay to say what he wanted because he ended with "sir."

Here are my questions:
1. Were both T's justified?
2. What could/should I have done differently to prevent the 2nd T?
3. Should I have mentioned my issue to the other official after the game? I'll probably never work with him again so I didn't say anything.
4. I was a bit annoyed that my partner stood there with him because it sort of made me look like a jerk. I didn't feel like I needed to justify it to him and if he couldn't figure it out from what I said, he's an idiot. I found out later he's the Varsity HC. Should I have stayed and given him a better explanation?

I feel like I catch more crap from coaches because I look young (I'm 31 but look like I'm maybe 22) and it wears me out. Maybe it's in my head, but I don't see the older guys on my crew have coaches push them as much it seems like they try to get away with with me.