JOKES!!!

[ROMANO]

my girlfreind speaking to me...
WHAT SHE SEZ: WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
"We need" I want
"This Kitchen is so ____" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpet, and furniture, and ...
"I need a new pair of shoes" = the other 40 are all the wrong color
"I only need a soap dish" = We'll check out ALL the sale items
"Those are a bargain" = Did you bring your checkbook ?
"Does this dress look OK ?" = I need a new wardrobe
"Look at this coat!" = Is VISA maxed out ?
"You're so attentive tonite" = Is sex all you ever think about ?
"It's just... I'm soooo tired" = Get away from me, you sex maniac
"It's been such a hectic day" = Get away from me, you sex maniac
"Hon! I just did my hair"= Get away from me, you sex maniac
"Are the kids asleep ?" = Get away from me, you sex maniac
"Won't you be late for work ?" = Get away from me, you sex maniac
"Turn out the lights first" = My thighs looked flabby today
"Of course I like making love" = Is this gonna take much longer ?
"You're ... so manly" =You need a shave and a shower
"You have such a manly scent"= For God's sake. Use some deodorant
"My, don't you look comfortable" = Go put on a shirt, slob
"So nice to see you relaxing"= Don't sit around in your underwear
"I'm not upset !"= Of course I'm upset, you moron
"I'm not emotional !" = You'd be too, if you married an idiot
"I'm not mad at all" = I can't believe you're that stupid
"Yes, I'm still talking to you"= I can't believe you're that stupid
"I'm not being quiet" =I can't believe you're that stupid
"Nothing is wrong" = Other than you're such an *******
"Hang the picture there" = NO -- there ! Can't you listen ?
"Hon, I hate to interrupt..." = Turn off the damn TV
"When you get a chance ..."= Get up & do it rite now !
"When you get time ... " = Get up & do it rite now !
"I just remembered ..." = Get up & do it rite now !
"No hurry, but ..."= Get up & do it rite now !
"Did you lock the front door ?" = Get up & go check, now !
"I think I heard a noise" = Get up & go check, now !
"Was that the baby ?" = Check the baby & change/walk him
"Just reminding you" = I've asked you a dozen damn times
"Do you love me ?" =I want something expensive
"How much do you love me ?" = I did something terrible
"Be ready in a minute" = Find a game on TV
"Is my butt fat ?" = Tell me I'm beautiful
"Do you like this lipstick ?"= Tell me I'm beautiful
"Should I get my hair cut ?" = Tell me I'm beautiful
"Yes" = No
"Maybe" = No
"Well... we'll see"= No
"Perhaps" = No
"If you think so" = No
"Let's think about it" = No
"Shouldn't we wait ?" = No
"Let's not rush things" = No
"No" = NO !!! NEVER !!! NO WAY !!!
"I'm sorry" =You'll be sorry
"Do you forgive me ?" = You'll be sorry
"Well, I was upset" = You'll be sorry
"Well, I was tired" = You'll be sorry
"Well, I had a headache" = You'll be sorry
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later, big time
"Do what you think best" = You'll pay for this later, big time
"You know more about it" = You'll pay for this later, big time
"As I recall, it was your idea" = You'll pay for this later, big time
"Yes, I've calmed down" = You'll pay for this later, big time
"I realize it was my fault sweetheart"= You ain't seen nothing yet !
"It's your decision" =The correct decision is obvious
"Sure... go ahead" = Don't you dare, you clown
You like this recipe ? = It's easy to fix
"Do you want to eat out ?" = I forgot to go grocery shopping
"What do you want for dinner ?" = I don't feel like cooking
"You seen that new restaurant ?"= I don't feel like cooking
"It's your Mother's recipe" = You'd better damn sight eat that
"You liked that the last time" = You'd better damn sight eat that
"Don't want to talk yet" = Go away, I'm building up steam
"Just need some time to think"= Go away, I'm building up steam
"We need to talk"= I need to complain
"Learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"I am not yelling !" This is important, you idiot !
"Are you listening to me ???" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Our anniversary's coming up" = When I think of who I could've married
"The kids were so bad today"= Your gene pool needs more chlorine ....
so boyes am i right?.....
ps
is it the longest topic ever?...