JOKES!!!

[ROMANO]

Originally posted by Mark Padgett
A man wanted to get a new dog, so he went down to the pet store. He found a dog he liked the looks of, and the pet store owner told him that this was a nice Jewish dog, and his name was Irving, and he'd make a very good pet.

The guy thought that sounded great so he bought Irving and took him home. After a few days of teaching Irving tricks, he wanted to show him off to his friends, so he invited his neighbor over to see.

He called Irving into the house, bragging about what a smart dog he is. The dog quickly came running and stood looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.

Pointing at the newspaper lying by the door, he commanded, "Okay, Irving, Fetch!"

Immediately, the dog climbed up on to the couch and sat there, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stopped, his doggy smile changing to an expression of annoyance.

Looking up at his master, Irving opened his mouth and whined, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy, this constant wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that dreck you call dog food. It gives me gas! And the runs, but what do you care? Why don't you try it if you think it's so good? You try it. Dreck I say! Then you push me out the door to take care of my business in the filthy yard. It's disgusting I tell you! When was the last time you took me for a nice long walk? I can't remember when!"

The neighbor's jaw dropped, as he sat there staring stunned at the dog. "I can't believe it!" he said. "Your dog is sitting on the couch talking to us!"

"I know, I know." sighed the owner. "He's not trained very well yet. He thought I said, 'Kvetch'!"

THANK YOU MY FREIND!!
and this one for you...
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma.
Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
************************************************** ******

Six Jewish men were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops
dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other
five complete their playing time standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Goldberg, who is always a loser picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any
worse than it is.

"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet.
Discretion is mine middle name, leave it to me."

Goldberg schleps over to the Meyerowitz apartment, knocks on the door,
the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares "Your husband just lost $500."

She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"

Goldberg says, "I'll tell him."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$...
Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a
Pole, a Czech, and a Jew - were accused of spying
and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted
one last wish.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of
Pilsudski," said the Pole.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk,"
said the Czech.

"And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over
the grave of Comrade Kosygin."

"But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't
dead yet."

"Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."
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hi fox want some more???..