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Your grace and humor, as demonstrated by not telling me to just keep my nitpicking to myself, speaks highly of your character. Such comments, as I made regarding pronoun usage, are transmitted with respect and affection, although we haven't had the pleasure to meet. As with many others on the forum, I would find such acquaintance to be a moment of great joy.
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To be good at a sport, one must be smart enough to play the game -- and dumb enough to think that it's important . . . |
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Structural thought
Billy, I think it's a great piece, and I'm a big fan of you on this forum.
Two thoughts: First, you intro with references to what shouldn't be said and the virtue of silence, but in most of your cases, something should be said, just said differently. But I like the intro a lot, so it's just a thought. My second suggestion is to conclude each topic with your recommendation. I left a few of the paragraphs with "I know what he's recommending I not do, but I'm not sure how to do it better." You do make a recommendation on most, but not all. You could even structure each as a "Not this:" and conclude with "This:" I think the content is great. Clearly the list could go on and on, but I think you hit all the right ones. If we could improve on these, basketball--not just officiating--would be better. Well said! |
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If you still believe "on" and "over" are the same thing, is it an automatic homerun when a fair ball goes ON the fence?
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Confidence is a vehicle, not a destination. |
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As a baseball umpire, I dont think I have ever considered the case where a fly ball comes to rest on the top of the fence...
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Smarter than ME is correct.
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I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, 'I drank what?' West Houston Mike |
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I don't know if you're up for including another phrase, but one that sticks out in my head is the phrase, "Not my call." And I realize based on your intro paragraph that most of your phrases seem rules based, but hearing officials say that one gets me fired up!
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Consider this. Last year, there was a story going around about a player who scored in the other team's basket (very late in the game, as I recall). The headline read something to the effect of "scored in his own basket." I emailed the author and pointed out the error, how the object of basketball is to score in your own basket, etc. He replied with appreciation, but decided to stick with what he had because "it sounds better."
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Confidence is a vehicle, not a destination. |
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And It Has An Approved NFHS Signal, It's True, It's True ...
Over The Back Signal:
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"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) I was in prison and you came to visit me. (Matthew 25:36) Last edited by BillyMac; Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 05:27pm. |
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Silence Is Golden ...
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The others have too many suggestions, all of them pretty good, to include. I was tempted to suggest, "Let it hit.", in place of, "Let it hit the rim", but decided not to (shooter hitting only the backboard can present problems). I worked with partner last week who said, "Don't violate". Sounds pretty good, but I haven't heard this from any other officials. Like I said, "Silence cant be quoted". I wish I knew who said that first so I could give credit where credit is due. I actually first heard that statement here on the Forum.
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"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) I was in prison and you came to visit me. (Matthew 25:36) |
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I hope you will take the following in the spirit it is given, as an offer to help. It is not my intent to trample your efforts or be overly critical, but since you asked...
As a former news/sports editor and current journalism professor I see this piece as a good start for an article but it needs a lot of editing. A post with my suggestions would be too long so, if you are interested, I am willing to make some editorial changes and can repost it or send it too you privately. In a nutshell, here are a few areas I would take a look at correcting: The tone is too conversational/informal for an article. While it is informative, it comes across as if these are your opinions or observations but there are no factual supports so in its current state I would want to run it as a sports column/editorial and not as news article. There are still quite a few punctuation, grammatical, & style errors -- the over use of the word game in para 1; the over use of commas; a lack of transitions between paragraphs; there is not a true introduction (one that also hooks the reader) or conclusion paragraph to the article; just to name a few. Another thought I had was about you, the writer. As a reader, why should I listen to you? What are your credentials? A paragraph to establish that you ARE an expert as well as some carefully placed quotes from sources (such as some of your friends on this forum) will give a more authoritive tone to the piece. **For the record, I know you are qualified to write this. I am only suggesting that the average reader of the publication needs to know it. As for the last paragraph, it should simply start with "Finally, two thoughts from people..." (no need for the "and"). However, I would dump the whole paragraph and move the quote by Coolidge to the introduction. Something like -- Calvin Coolidge once said, "the things I did not say never hurt me." Of course, he was not talking about basketball, but many referees would be smart to heed this sage advice as they communicate with coaches, players, and fans of the game. Overall, it is a good piece and the idea you are presenting is well thought out. |
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Who Opens With Calvin Coolidge ???
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This is being written more as an educational tool, rather than an article for the general public. It will, if accepted by my interpreter, only be published in our local board's newsletter. I have included biographical information, however I have not posted that information here because we have been warned by our secretary-treasurer, according to IAABO guidelines, to remain anonymous on social media. Also, for the record, I am not qualified to write this. I couldn't write myself out of a brown paper bag.
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"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) I was in prison and you came to visit me. (Matthew 25:36) Last edited by BillyMac; Tue Mar 04, 2014 at 04:53pm. |
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