More replies to spectator nonsense

[Mark Padgett]

Since we had a good thread on what to say when a spectator asks for your name, I thought I'd bring this up. I'm sure some, if not a lot, of you have heard these at one time or another.

Spectator holds his glasses out in his hands and says, "Hey ref - wanna borrow my glasses?" My usual response is, "Why? They're not doing you any good."

The "new" one is when the spectator holds up a cell phone and says, "Hey ref - I found your cell phone. I know it's yours because it says it has 10 missed calls." I have two responses to that:

1) I tell him it is mine and to give it to me. When he just stands there, I move toward him with my hand out and tell him that if he's going to keep my property, I'm going to have to call the police. Usually, they just sit down at that point.

2) I tell him "There's one way to see if it's really mine. Look and see if your wife is on the speed dial. If she is, then it's my phone." That one usually gets some laughs, even from the guy who addressed me.

Any comebacks from you guys?