Not mine, but one of our Assn. official's:
Fan working on him relentlessly

Ref: Hey you, ya you with the big mouth. Did you pay for that seat?

Fan: Ya, I sure did!

Ref: Good, then you can say anything you want!

The fan turned red faced and was quiet from then on.
I have a feeling that it wouldn't have worked quite that well for me.

Not a comeback but funny.
 

If you know who I am then you know that I am bald... Imagine that. On this forum a bald guy. I'm not quite to the "Think They Are Lover's" stage probably just the Lover's stage... but any way

I'm working this game when I start hearing someone in the stands yelling "Hey Avacor. Avacor..."

I believe it's the name of a medicine for baldness. I thought it was very humorous. The game was going fine and stayed great throughout.

With a large smile on my face, I pointed into the stands and said, "Good one!"

Re: Not a comeback but funny.
 

This one isn't even basketball, but since you started down this road:

We were working calves in a chute one day, my hired man looks accross the calf at the neighbors hired man, who is bald, and out of the blue says:

"I hope the Viagra is working better for you than the Rogain!" (another balding medication)

Blackhawk

Wasn't sure if this one was very funny (and it's kinda long), but may as well cough up...

Varsity Boys, game is not close (10-15 the whole game). Lots of visiting fans, very vocal. One guy disagrees with a charge call of mine, and it's off to the races. He's all over me the entire half, questioning every call I make. Not really over the top, but enough to be annoying as hell.

Second half, the next dead ball I got near him, out of the blue I look right at him and say "Hey fella".

HIM: "Yeah?"
ME: "What's your favorite food, anyway"
HIM: (pause, puzzled look) "uh, Italian, I guess"
ME: "Oh yeah. Mine's Chinese."
Guy laughs.

4-5 trips up/down the floor, he's still chatting away about the officiating. I get back near him again.

ME: "So what kind of movies do you like?"
HIM: (still puzzled) "Westerns"
ME: "I've always like Comedies myself"
HIM: "Oh."

By now, players are wondering what the hell I'm doing talking to this guy before every throw-in.

3 more trips up/down...guy still yapping a bit. Home team calls 30 sec TO, I stay at spot of throw-in, which is conveniently near my new pal.

ME: "So, you got any brothers and sisters?"
HIM: (smiling, although clearly still puzzled) "two of each"
ME: "Oh yeah, I got two sisters"
HIM: "Great." (now laughing)

Pause. By now, the rest of the crowd probably think's I've lost my mind.

"So why are you asking me all these questions?"

"I figure if you're gonna nag me like you're my wife, we should get to know each other first."

Guy laughs. Crowd laughs. He still rode me the rest of the game. Oh well, it was worth a try.

No, we haven't set a date yet.
:D

Glory, Glory-still laughing over this one.

Local rec league-boys 11-12. Pretty good game for first quarter then in 2nd quarter Team A pours it on. Team B coach starts howling about fouls, violations and the usual. Team B coach calls time out to settle his team down and my partner goes over to him and sits on his bench. I'm at the free throw line with the ball and hear this exchange.

Partner-sits down on Team B bench.

Team B coach stops talking to his team and asks, "Why are you sitting down here?

Partner-"I'm just trying to figure out if I really can call the game better from this angle than from on the floor (pauses for about 5 seconds)... Nope, I've got the better angle. Thanks Coach" and walks back on court.

Coach B was silent the rest of the game

silent but good
 

I was working a very mild varsity game when the usual group of fans started in on me and my partner.....about everything.
They started calling "Footlocker, Footlocker."
Convieniantly this night, I was wearing my new patent leather Converse shoes,
I never quit looking at my area but I slowly lifted one foot and pointed at it as the fans chanted.
As I was directly in front of the home bench, the coach had no way of missing what I was doing.
He and his bench erupted into laughter so badly that he called a 30 sec timeout to get himself and his team under control.

Well, I thought it was funny

What is the best thing to say to the coach that asking you:"how can this situation happend,in my home,we have 8 fouls the and the other team only 2"?
we answer to that coach will be -i'm not a bookkepper..(in hebrew it's sound better..)

Romano, the best answer I've heard for that question is: "Coach, I don't count 'em. I just call 'em."

In Massachusetts,they say "Coach,I can't count 'em.I just call 'em."

Sadly, in my hometown, that might not be far off. Our HS standardized test scores are consistently among the state's lowest :(

Actually,I was thinking more of the "powers that be" in your great state.

The Great LeWoody has found out that YOU have been picked to do a D3 College play-off game this weekend in only your second year at that level! I mean-how bright can the people that make those decisions in Massachusetts really be? The treadmill may be still up there,but the hamster's gone home! I shudder just thinking of it!

IDIOTS!!! grumble,grumble,grumble.....

PS-BIG TIME PROPS,CHUCKIE!

Not trying to pile on....
 

Dsimp8

How did you feel after you responded?

I have had moments that I have been frustrated with a player and/or coach and had VERY evil thoughts, but I will not allow myself to stoop to their level. I feel that I owe it to the "fraternity of officials" to maintain my professional demeanor; even if an opportune time to "get back at them" occurs.

Your conduct represents all officials: before, during and after the game; in other words, ALWAYS. Yes, the rule book states that jurisdiction ends when you leave the visual confines of the court, but the reality is that you are percieved as an official whereever you are; therefore, it is important to conduct yourself in that manner.

Keep your chin up and strive to improve (as we all are)!

PS WAY TO GO CHUCK E!!!! :)

Re: Not a comeback but funny.
 

I, too am a "follically challenged" individual.

I was at a small school about 50 miles away one night, Varsity boys game. Stands are right up the the edge of the court. I'm administerng a throw-in right in front of the student section (read: football players). One kid starts on the "Rogaine, Rogaine" path. I looked up at the kid and said: "That's too easy...you can do better!"

Didn't hear too much more from that kid....

Just remembered this one. One of the first games I ever called. (long time ago) 8th grade girls...there was a lady in the stands that was on every little thing. Not the loudest or the nastiest I ever heard, but just constant.
After the game, she came to me and apologized: "Sorry I yelled so much but that's my baby out there." I said, without smiling, "Oh, that's okay, ma'am. We did the best we could, but you know you can see the game better from the stands than we can from down here on the floor." She quickly agreed, "Oh, yeah!" I was being sarcastic, she was not. This is why we get the big bucks.

I grew up in Mississippi, want to talk about low scores?