Your best comebacks.

[RefSouthAlb]

Ball goes out of Bounds in front of coach but is still in the air.

Coach is jumping up and down wanting an OOB call before ball has landed.

After I blow the whistle I say to the Coach:


"Coach as of yet I don't have ESP.

Give me time to get the breath out of me to blow the whistle.""

Coach starts laughing and apoligizes

[Int]

To the player that complains better than they play .... "I'll give you the choice, stick to playing or you and I can take a walk to your bench but I know I'm the only one coming back."

[Jurassic Referee]

"Coach,before I answer your question,I gotta tell you that this has been a bad day for me. I have to go see the judge to-morrow and tell him that I failed the Anger Management Course. Again!"

[williebfree]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee
"Coach,before I answer your question,I gotta tell you that this has been a bad day for me. I have to go see the judge to-morrow and tell him that I failed the Anger Management Course. Again!"

"...tell him that I failed the Anger Management Course. Again!... But I see you should be in the next class offering. Maybe we can attend together!!

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by just another ref
Disclaimer: I've only said this at very low level games, and usually not to coaches, only to fans.

C'mon ref, give us a break. C'mon ref, have a heart. etc.

I say, "If you want sympathy, call your mother. If you want charity, call the salvation army. I have a job to do."

Don't forget, "If you want justice, call Judge Judy".

[Mark Padgett]

OK, OK. Due to popular demand (my beagle hounded me to do this) - here are the best Davisms as voted by the public.

Coach: (as Dave was about to report a foul) “Call it both ways”
Dave: “OK, coach, I will. Blue, 42, a hold. (he pauses) 42, blue, a hold. Is that what you meant coach, because that’s all the ways I know.”

Dave: (to table) “We have a technical foul on the green coach.”
Asst. coach: “Are you nuts?”
Dave: (to table) “Now we have T for two.” (he breaks into a soft shoe and sings “Tea For Two”)

Coach: “How come they get the ball on that jump call? They got the last one.”
Dave: (knowing the AP arrow is correct) “I’ll tell you what, coach. We’ll give them this one but then we’ll give you the next 2 out of 3, OK?”
Coach: “Oh, OK………huh?”

A coach continues to complain. Dave responds, “Listen coach. Let’s trade places. You come out here and call the game, and I’ll sit on the bench and act like a jackass.”

Fan: “Hey ref. Want to borrow my glasses?”
Dave: “Why? They’re not doing you any good.”

Coach: “That’s 3 seconds.”
Dave: “Coach, that wasn’t 3 seconds even in dog years.”

However, he saved his best for me, personally. A few years ago, I was in the last quarter of a game and Dave was watching, waiting for the next game, which he was going to officiate. At a timeout he yelled at me.
Dave: “Hey ref, are you pregnant?”
I ignored him. He repeated, “Hey ref, are you pregnant?”
I replied, “OK, Dave. I’ll bite. No, I’m not pregnant. Why do you ask?”
Dave: “Because you missed three periods.”

[LSams]

Varsity boys (lower level) player completely out of control trying to push through a double team, I refuse to "bail him out," call a travel.

"Where's the foul ref" I respond -- "you'll never get that call, unless you go back to 5th grade boy's club ball," and then real seriously I look at him and say, "you are better than that aren't you?"

Kid smiles and laughs, "yes sir, I sure am." no problems the rest of the night.

[Jeremy Hohn]

..this one happened just tonight. I had a fan that was really getting ugly to me, and I asked him during a dead ball period if he subscribed to the local paper. He then said no, and I told him he'd better request a subscription, because at the rate he was going he was going to have to READ about the rest of the game, because he sure wasn't going to watch it!

I didn't hear a word from him the rest of the game..


...and this is my favorite one I used last year. My co officials and I were calling a rival game together and were clamping down on them due to the hate level present, and one of the coaches tells me. "dang it Jeremy, you gotta give us a break!:

"Coach, do you think we have missed many calls tonight?"


"Heck yes! quite a few!"

"well coach, there were your breaks!"

[bossref]

"Hey ref, does your whistle work?"

"Yup, it works just fine. Watch!"
then T him up

Former college coach to a group meeting of officials
after being asked does he ever do/say anything to
get a T called (to fire up his team)
"Hey ref, call 3 seconds.
I know that if you can't count to three
you could at least cont to one three times!"

"How can you call that?"
Well let's see. I put my tongue into the front of the
whistle and then I blow air through it!"

[w_sohl]

Kid comes flying through the lane on a drive to the basket. Slides between two defenders in the air and crashes to the floor with slight contact created by him. His teammates ask me if there was a foul and I ask them, "Did I blow my whistle?", they respond, "No." "Then there was no foul.", "Well how did he hit the floor then?", "He didn't land on his feet."

I wasn't even saying this to be funny at the time, I was just explaining exactly what I saw but the more I thought about it the funnier it got, to me anyway...

[NCAAREF]

Was working a girls high school game when I was still wearing glasses and called a foul. The coach (female)was complaining about the call as I was reporting it to the table and makes the comment, "You'd have to have x-ray glasses to see that from here!" After I finished reporting the call I turned to her and said, "Pink". "Excuse me" she says. "Pink" I said again. "What's pink?" she asked. "Your underwear" as I walked away. Never heard a word the rest of the game but everytime we looked at each other we smiled.

[CLAY]

this one I like, I heard it from a guy I worked with earlier int he year.

Coach: You have got to react faster to the foul calls, someone is going to get hurt.

Ref: So I should have called the CBF?
Coach: What is a CBF.

Ref: The crystalball foul.

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by LarryS


Early in the third quarter there was a crash on the baseline with me at trail on the table side, so i was between both coaches...a few feet on the floor. Just as the crash occurs the ball goes OOB on the baseline and my partner passes on the crash and awards the ball appropriately. Both coaches yell for a foul at the same time. Since it was a dead ball, I turn and say "Which one of you wants a foul called on his team cause you can't both be right." They look at each other and both grin. It actually got them to tone down the chirping, then the game got close and they were too busy to worry about us.

Not the best line, I know...but I'm a bean counter and supposedly we have no personality.

Hey Larry, this past weekend I was working a 7th grade game with my son (see Padgett, you're not the only one who's parenting skills are suspect! ) and there's a mid court crash with no call. Both coaches start in "Ya gotta have something!!!" I was T and I turned, looked at them, was about to fire the line & thought "ahhhh...why bother, they ain't good enough".

[Edited by Dan_ref on Feb 10th, 2003 at 09:41 PM]

[Zebra1]

I used this one this past weekend:

Coach: You have to call the first foul!!

Ref: I just did. Didn't you hear my whistle?

[dsimp8]

This works for me in Rec League(God help us all)and I used it Monday night :

Both teams are not very good and have committed numerous traveling violations and missed plenty of shots. A 9-7 halftime score gives that away.They are both openly complaining about calls so I blow the whistle and gather both "coaches" at half court and I say "I'm not yelling at your teams for travelings or missing shots so I would appreciate it if you would not yell at me if you THINK I missed a call."

Both "coaches" looked at each other with an "I guess he's right" look and walked away. The final of this "fingernails on the chalkboard" game was 21-19.