Quip's List

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by Hawks Coach
This weekend, when we had finished for the day at our AAU tournament, one of the refs I know sat down by me in the front of the bleachers. He said, "I am not moving for this next game - I'm just gonna ref from here." I figured he was just feeling the effect of having done 3 straight and looking at a fourth when he added "It seems that everybody over here sees the game better than I do on the court!"

I just told him he needed to move across to the other side of the court to the bench I had been on, cause I know I saw everything better than they did

i hope he laughed!

[BktBallRef]

#1 :

Coach - "We've got 3 fouls and they don't have any!

Me - "I know Coach, they haven't fouled anyone."


#2 :

Fan - "Hey Ref, you're pitiful!"

Me, straight-faced, calm, - "Is that the best you've got? I mean, is that really the best you can do?"

He didn't say a word the rest of the game.

#3 :

Coach - "Do you need my glasses?"

Me - "Why? They're not doing you any good."


They all worked very well.

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by BktBallRef
Fan - "Hey Ref, you're pitiful!"

Me, straight-faced, calm, - "Is that the best you've got? I mean, is that really the best you can do?"

Gotta remember this one!!

[fletch_irwin_m]

Coach "You can't call that"
Me " Yes I can, I just did"

Player "Hey Ref he's holding me"
Me "Probably because your holding him" (player cracked up)

Me "Coach I enjoy talking to you, but your assistant has no people skills. You might want to tell him to keep his comments to himself"

Coach "You are the only one in the gym that saw that foul"
Me "Good thing this isn't a democracy"

I have a few more but will refrain. The one thing that I KNEW I had to contral was my sarcasm and quick tongue. This has led to not talking with coaches as much as I should, but it is better that then saying something they may misunderstand

[ausref23]

Originally posted by Mark Padgett
Sounds like someone never heard of "Daveisms". Anyway, one of my favorites is when a coach is yelling about 3 seconds. I have replied, "Coach, that wasn't 3 seconds even in dog years."

I used this one myself on a game recently - there was stanned slience from the player at first, followed by sudden realisation. He didn't ask again for the rest of the game!

[thumpferee]

Here is a couple for ya.

"You need glasses Ref".....I know Coach, that's why I wear contacts!

"That's three seconds Ref"......I had it at 2 and 9/10ths coach!

After team A scores, on the way to the other end, Team B's Coach says: "Can I get a 3 seconds?", FTFTFTFT
Time Out Blue!
Blue Coach: "I didn't ask for a time out".
Ref: Oh, thought you said "Can I get a 30 second".

Team A is on offence, Team B's coach: "3 seconds, 3 seconds". Team B has the ball next time down the floor...Ref: FTFTFTFT While looking at Team B's Coach..."3 seconds"

Coach: "That's over-the-back Ref"
Ref: "Over-the-Back isn't a foul Coach, On-the-back is. If he makes contact, I'll get him for it".
......................................Tom Platt Sr.

Coach: "That's a foul, he's reachin'":
Ref: "Reachin' isn't a foul Coach, contact is".
......................................Tom Platt Sr.

Coach: "That's not an illegal pick, why cah't he do that?"
Ref: "I didn't say he couldn't do it, he can do it four more times".
......................................Tom Platt Sr.

[Edited by thumpferee on May 1st, 2003 at 05:11 PM]

[DrakeM]

I used the "this isn't a Democracy" line a few weeks ago in a particularly physical contest.

This next one is a softball quip.

Player on a team playing with only 9 players is bi***ing
about balls and strikes and says "C'mon ump, we can't play
11 out here." To which I replied, "would you like to play 8?" That got the usual, "Oh, very funny" comeback from some of his other team-mates, but he didn't say anything the rest of the game.

Oh yeah. The scorekeeper got a kick out of it.

[JoeT]

The other day I was working a men's "alumni game" at a high school. Now, normally, I'm a proponent of the "the less said the better" school of officiating and quippery, but guys were being pretty good-natured and everything was a little loose. One player didn't like a call, and said at the next dead ball, "just for the record, that was terrible."

My response: "Your play or my call?"

He just looked at me. His teammates (we were in front of his bench) had a good laugh at his expense.

I was happy just to be that quick-witted for once. I'm no Mark Padgett, you know!

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by thumpferee

Coach: "That's not an illegal pick, why cah't he do that?"
Ref: "I didn't say he couldn't do it, he can do it four more times".
......................................Tom Platt Sr.

Nice one!

Some of my HS games have a 35 second shot clock. During a HS game last season B was applying pressure in A's backcourt, B1 knocks the ball OOB in front of coach B. Coach loudly wonders why I didn't call the 10 seconds and informs me he counted to 18. I said yeah, but you've gotta count by 1's, not by 2's. I then smiled and pointed at the shot clock which said 26.

[Nevadaref]

Here are three I like.

1. "Ref, can he hold me like that?"
"Only if he buys you dinner."
2. "He fouled me, Ref."
"Oh please, I've been kissed harder than that."
3. OOB call goes to white. Blue's coach asks, "Why do they always get it?" "I'm colorblind."

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by JoeT

I was happy just to be that quick-witted for once. I'm no Mark Padgett, you know!

If you study really hard, you can be half the wit I am. That would make you a....a....duh....I forget.