I'm collecting your favorite "one liner" quips or other referee rules, motivations or methods. AKA, your favorite quotes from the "Striped Shirts".

Lets build a memorable list.

To start:

1) "WWJD? - He wouldn't wear that bracelet in a game, take it off"
2) It wasn't a foul if you didn't call it.
3) You lead , I'll trail... all game.

When responding to coaches screaming about 3 (or 5) seconds:
"How long? Well....I don't like to skite, but...."

"What do you mean the referees cost you the game? I didn't miss any lay-ups or free-throws"

LOL!!

My favorite is, "Ref, you're missing a good game" "I know, but I got assigned to this one."

You know the more that I officiate the less sarcastice I am becoming to coaches. I first felt that if a coach was an idiot and kept asking or begging for stuff then I would pop off with a quick one-liner or some smart ellic response. I also officiate college womens volleyball and coach boys high school volleyball. As a coach, I don't want some official to attempt to handle me, because I am usually rated higher and have a better knowledge of the rules that he or she does. If I have a question or problem with your call - I will say so. I would expect a coach to do the same thing when I am officiating their game.
At the Coast to Coast camp Ron Garretson was talking about this same topic and just mentioned to be professional. Of course they are miked and every word recorded. "There are times when a Rasheed Wallace needs some quick line, but try to refrain. Use the rules as your one liners."
I always try to use the language from the rule books without sounding like a "rulebook referee". I have found that I get a lot more respect and the games seem to go much smoother.

Who is Quip and why is he making a list? :D

Never used this one but would have liked to.

You know coach.... there is a reason we are both here together at this "JV" game. (Neither one of us is any good.)

I said to a fan once that was calling for a 3 second call, "how long in the lane ref!!". I replied "til i blow the whistle"

In the late 1970s, Abe Lemons was riding high at Texas -- The Longhorns were at home against Mississippi State, and during the warmups, one of the opposing players dunked the ball. At the time, this was a violation, though no one knew why.

One of the officials notified Lemons his team would shoot a technical before the tipoff. Abe said he didn't want one because that was no way to start a game. But to his consternation, the official said: "You got to. That's the rule."

Before the Horns returned to the court, Lemons explained to his players in the locker room that they had a foul shot coming, but as good sports, they had to miss. "Who wants to shoot it?"

"I will, Coach," volunteered a breezy young man named Jimmy Krivacs.

"OK," said Abe, "but shoot it with your back to the basket so everyone will know you missed it on purpose."

Watch Out!!
 

I would suggest to NEVER, EVER engage in smart A## conversation with the fans...especially during a game!
That's what they want and love, to have an official actually pay attention to them! Now they got ya'.
I don't even make eye contact with the fans if I can help it.
Besides, they paid their money...let 'um *****, as long as it dosen't get racial, obsence, etc. (then let game management handle it)

Dude

Sounds like someone never heard of "Daveisms". Anyway, one of my favorites is when a coach is yelling about 3 seconds. I have replied, "Coach, that wasn't 3 seconds even in dog years."

I used one smart-aleck response once that back-fired and I haven't done it since. But I like having them in my head. It helps me keep my perspective and sense of humor during the game.

Mark, looks like it's about time for a general overview of Davisms and the myth of Dave.

Myth???

Isn't he more of a legend? :D

Hey Duane! Long time, no see. Welcome back, mate!

I agree...I have lots of things that run through my head, and I have lots of conversations with coaches, but the one time this last season that I used a smart-aleck quip with a coach - the jerk called my supervisor and complained...ended up costing me a game as "punishment"...so now I just let the thoughts bounce around in my head and smile to myself!

This weekend, when we had finished for the day at our AAU tournament, one of the refs I know sat down by me in the front of the bleachers. He said, "I am not moving for this next game - I'm just gonna ref from here." I figured he was just feeling the effect of having done 3 straight and looking at a fourth when he added "It seems that everybody over here sees the game better than I do on the court!"

I just told him he needed to move across to the other side of the court to the bench I had been on, cause I know I saw everything better than they did :)