Most Hurtful Thing You've Ever Heard From a Coach

[JohnDorian37]

Go.

[Welpe]

That was a bad call.

The implication being of course that I would make a bad call and that of course is laughable.

[Adam]

"Call it both ways."

[justacoach]

That all 3 of my sons are better than me

[JRutledge]

I cannot think of a single thing any coach that has said to me that is hurtful.

Peace

[APG]

Hurtful? Nothing...and I can't think of anything that someone on the court/bench/stands can say that would be "hurtful".

[fullor30]

Nothing really. Not related to the game I call, I just would never be 'hurt' by a coach's comments.

Now an assigner could be a different story!

[GoodwillRef]

We are always told that coaching in high school is an extension of the classroom so nothing hurtful would ever be said....I have to stop typing...I am laughing too hard.

[grunewar]

When I first started school ball (read, non-rec), I was doing one of my first HS games for my new association at a local private school. After the game, my P and I were doing our post-game and the V officials were listening and providing feedback.

All of a sudden the door bursts open and the H (losing) Coach comes in and starts berating us - worst officials ever, yada yada. Totally going off. The seasoned V Officials ushered him out.

As a new official at the time I was devastated. Really hurt. Can I do this? Is this the way it's going to be? Do I have what it takes? Why go through this? etc.

I reported it to my Association - the Coach (new young guy in one of his first games) was disciplined and we got an apology from the school AD.

Thankfully, I had a few senior officials help me through it.

That was several years and several hundred games ago......and I stuck it out. But, it hurt and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It was part of my maturing process and is now just another situation for my personal kit-bag.

[JugglingReferee]

Originally Posted by grunewar

When I first started school ball (read, non-rec), I was doing one of my first HS games for my new association at a local private school. After the game, my P and I were doing our post-game and the V officials were listening and providing feedback.

All of a sudden the door bursts open and the H (losing) Coach comes in and starts berating us - worst officials ever, yada yada. Totally going off. The seasoned V Officials ushered him out.

As a new official at the time I was devastated. Really hurt. Can I do this? Is this the way it's going to be? Do I have what it takes? Why go through this? etc.

I reported it to my Association - the Coach (new young guy in one of his first games) was disciplined and we got an apology from the school AD.

Thankfully, I had a few senior officials help me through it.

That was several years and several hundred games ago......and I stuck it out. But, it hurt and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It was part of my maturing process and is now just another situation for my personal kit-bag.

And some day, if not already, you'll/'ve pay/ed it forward, and be the veteran official.

[grunewar]

Originally Posted by JugglingReferee

And some day, if not already, you'll/'ve pay/ed it forward, and be the veteran official.

I do a decent amount of teaching and training of the youth officials here locally. I also like to try to encourage the newer officials in our HS Association. How much good it does, I'm not sure, I'll let others be the judge of that.

I know I still have a ways to go yet to get to where I want to be. I still make that one glaring (to me anyhow) oops every game - a call out of my area, a call not on my line, a quick whistle I need to be more patient on, etc.

But, at the start of my 5th yr, it looks like I pretty much have a VG schedule for the yr, am working with allot of great guys, am pretty confident, and really like what I do.

[jeffpea]

Originally Posted by JohnDorian37

Go.

Keep in mind that we are professionals hired to perform a task that requires a specific skill set that not many people have...

when you look at officiating from this perspective, you'll realize that coaches comments should not be taken personally...when officials get emotionally involved in the game, our objectivity decreases and, as a result, our call accuracy declines as well...

if the coach tries to get personal...just wack 'em...and move on....

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by jeffpea

Keep in mind that we are professionals hired to perform a task that requires a specific skill set that not many people have...

when you look at officiating from this perspective, you'll realize that coaches comments should not be taken personally...when officials get emotionally involved in the game, our objectivity decreases and, as a result, our call accuracy declines as well...

if the coach tries to get personal...just wack 'em...and move on....

All true...and nice advice. But we also know that sometimes something a coach says can get under our skin. And those are the stories the OP'er is asking for.

My story: coach is mad that his team is losing big, and tells me "You are a piece of sh!t."

I whacked and tossed him.

A couple nights later, same coach walks into another gym to scout the game, sees me, walks up to me and wants to shake my hand! I just looked at him, and his comment was "Oh, I see you are going to take it personally."

My response was to ask him to have a seat in the stands.

Have worked several more of his games since then. No problems, but there is also no smiling or light bantering at the pre-game handshake.

Did it hurt my feelings? No...but I have zero respect for that coach.

[Adam]

I tend to judge people by how they treat people beneath them. ("Beneath" in their view, not mine.) It's one of the reasons I have so little respect for that coach with Dickie V sticking out of his arse. To many people, the officials on the court are the puppy they get to kick at the end of the day; but they get to do it on the job if they want.

As Rocky notes, whether they hurt my feelings isn't the issue. But I don't tend to respect people who show contempt for me.

[JRutledge]

I also do not equate saying something hurtful as getting under my skin. For one it would be nearly impossible for a coach to say something hurtful when they do not know anything about me personally. I tend to keep my personal life away from my professional. And certainly a coach would not know those things anyway. Even a coach getting under my skin would be rare as I realized a long time ago what my job was and realized where I am. If they get personal they will not be there very long and I will get the "last laugh" if you will. I also learned long time ago I will be around much longer than most coaches. So why worry about what some guy says on one night and that person might not last the rest of the game, let alone seasons to come?

Peace