I Can Do My Pregame In One Word ...
 

"Questions?"

What do I win?

Contest sponsors and their families are ineligible.

"Not tonight, coach, that's for sure!"

Please tell me you're being sarcastic and don't really say that...

Quite serious, actually. Some of them even nod knowingly.

To each their own I guess but I'll keep this professional and just say ...completely unnecessary

Unnecessary? You could say that. Just think of it as providing information they can use in a language they might understand.

My grandfather used to smile and nod when he couldn't hear what we were saying. They may be nodding, but I doubt they are listening. If of the ones who listen, I'd be willing to bet the vast majority forget what you said by the time you say, "any questions?"

Yep. (nodding) I understand and agree with what you are saying. :)

Out on a limb here, but maybe there's some influence from the Non-Basketball Association involved.

Recently, I've seen couple coaches teach a version of the spin move that was clearly illegal. One referred to it as the "Earl Monroe" move, so I went back and looked at some old Pearl footage. The coach had been teaching a move where the player essentially whips the ball around the body with one hand while making a running reverse pivot - looked illegal as hell to me. Monroe, on the other hand, incorporated a dribble into his spin, switch his dribbling hand as the ball was behind him - gorgeous and perfectly legal to my eye.

See:
YouTube - Ultimate Earl "The Pearl" Monroe MIX

Agreed. My captains speech is as short as possible, and I try and make it shorter every season. Not only is it a waste of time trying to educate them on these pearls of wisdom, what's the point in only telling just the captains? Do you think they are going to go back to their teammates and huddle everyone together and say "OK guys, this is not the NBA..."?

They don't do that in Dallas, Dave? I know here in Portland, the captains ALWAYS bustle right back and have a little powwow in the huddle. If they don't hurry, the other players start chanting, "Tell us, too! Tell us, too!" Players just hang on the refs' every word! :rolleyes:

I've had one partner with a shorter captains meeting than mine this year. Mine: "Make sure your teammates have their earrings out. Help us with sportsmanship by taking care of your teammates so we don't have to."
His: "Put the ball in the hole and lets play ball."

I've also had the guy who needs to point to every line in the captains meeting and then explain the CE rule to the coaches. He's a great partner in spite of that though, so I learned that a long winded captains/coaches meeting does not necessarily mean a long game.

ROTFLMAO!

I was going to make a joke about freshman girls, Juulie, but I thought better of it. :)

I'm still trying to figure out what they do in Dallas. I was the R in a freshman boys game last week and gave my quick captain's speech and asked my partner if he had anything to add, and he went off on a 2 minute rant about ridiculous topics like what happens if we have a fight, etc. I was half asleep by the time he was done, so I can only imagine how these poor kids could remain standing. My response when I'm not the 'R' and they ask me if I have anything to add: "Good luck."

I stole my captains speech from someone in this forum who shared it a few months ago:

Respect the game, respect your opponents, and respect the officials. Everything else is just basketball. Good luck.