when/how to show humility

[Amesman]

Nosed into this way too late in another thread and didn't elicit anything, so thought I'd pose it up front here for input.

The scenario was I kicked a call on a BC violation (A1 recovers poked away dribble by dribbling it herself on division line. Coach: "That's back court!" Me: "Coach, it was poked away." Play on. But uneasy feeling that I kicked it, later verified.)

It's a coach (FR girls) I respect and whose game I will have again soon. Is there any value in bringing it up as, say, small talk alone before the next game, acknowledging such a mistake? It was no big blow-up but it sure didn't do much on the credibility meter, I'm sure.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not looking over my shoulder, worried what everyone things about every (or any) call. This wouldn't be about getting coaches, players or fans to like me as an official -- there were probably judgment calls that got hotter responses during that game, none of which I would ever bring up again.

Vets have to realize it's tough for newer officials to gauge how to handle some of these things so thought I'd toss it to the collective brain trust here. When is it worth it to show up with hat in hand, and how?

[Adam]

This is a tricky one. If your relationship with the coach is amicable enough already, you could bring it up in an already casual conversation. Chances are, this coach doesn't remember the play anyway (coaches can verify this or contradict it, as I'm only making a guess), and judging from the fact that he/she questioned it at the time, he knows you kicked it anyway.

Bringing it up risks giving the wrong impression.

I think I'd let it alone unless it somehow comes up naturally in conversation.

[mbyron]

I would not bring it up. If the coach brings it up, be ready to acknowledge your error. "You're right, coach, I looked it up after the game and discovered that I'd kicked the call. I'll get it next time."

You'll get it next time in any case.

[TrojanHorse]

As a coach, I rarely remember what happens once the game is done...If its something I remember to ask on here then it has my attention. I wouldn't bring it up, and I don't think the coach will either. Of course, I am not one to disagree very often...maybe we could ask the coach who teaches his kids how to count what he thinks (sarcasm)

[Juulie Downs]

I have gone back and cleaned up my mess a couple of times. Once when my 5-yr-old had been in and out of the hospital 7 times in 8 weeks, and I was trying to keep up my game schedule to help out my assignor (this was dumb, I know, I should have just scrapped that season...). Anyway, late in the season, kid got admitted in the am, I dashed off to a game, and just basically blew up the gym in a 6th grade girls game that should have been smooth sailing. Ended up tossing one coach. Had the guy a week later (with my kid out of the hospital for 3 days in a row!!) and almost grovelled. A) I knew he'd be gracious. We'd had at least two or three games together for a couple or three years, and I kinda knew him. B) I didn't let it affect that second game. If he'd have gotten nasty, I'd have still whacked him.

One other time I had a coach ask me about an incident about 6 months later. We had bumped into each other in a non-basketball setting. I'd whacked him and rightly so, I thought. at the later meeting, he asked what he'd done. I told him what I'd heard, and he explained that I'd mis-understood his words. It clearly wasn't a defensive or manipulative maneuver on his part, he just wanted to clear the air. I said, if that's what you said, then I apologize, and I'll try to listen more closely next time.

In general, though, I don't think it's smart to try to straighten everything out later. Although some coaches have a pretty good perspective on the whole thing, many don't and it's kinda hard to tell which are which. Usually more harm than good, imo.

[Amesman]

Originally Posted by mbyron

You'll get it next time in any case.

You've got that right!

Thanks, all, for the sound perspectives.

[referee99]

I have one I would like to atone for with a local coach.

Him: "that's illegal", Me: "he can do that" Reality: No he couldn't.

Problem is, we'll never really get to a chance for my mea culpa. Next game will come and we will have business to attend to. The past is past. Move on.