Coach: "The fouls are 9 to 1!!"
Me: "Then tell your kids to stop fouling." :D

I have used the "Coach, I don't count 'em, I just call 'em." Not my favorite.

Here is one I have used that I didn't see mentioned....to the coach that is complaining....

Coach, the foul count only tells me that your team is playing more aggressive D.

If they persist...then I'll go to:

Creating a disadvantage when contact is made is a foul, coach.

The only reason I want to know the foul count is to know whether we're shooting free throws or not, not to change the way I'm calling the game.

If I get a coach whining about the foul count the one thing I won't do is just acknowledge that I heard him. That just empowers and affirms him in his mind. I either ignore him completely or answer him, usually with the I don't count em, I just call em. If he's a dim enough bulb to think the foul inequity is a reflection on me, then he's too dim to hear the comment as sarcastic.