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Old Mon Feb 04, 2002, 07:12pm
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Saturday morning rec league - 6th grade boys. Usually, I have no problem with any coaches in this league. That was not the case here.

A1 is driving for a layup. B1 fouls in act of shooting and shot misses. It was just your normal foul, nothing intentional or flagrant by a long shot, however, A1 came down sideways and twisted his ankle. I beckon the coach out and he replaces A1 with A6 to shoot the two free throws. As I bounce the ball to A6, I see A1 reporting to table. Already, there are two players from B ready to come in. First throw is missed and my partner beckons in the players. I stop him and tell A1 and coach A that A1 cannot come back in until the clock has run (NF 3.1.4). I would like to claim I quoted the rule number at the time, but of course, I didn't - I just told him what the rule was.

The coach said that A1 was OK enough to come back in. I said that was great, but he had to wait until the clock had run - period. The situation was that A1 was his best player, his best free throw shooter and his son, and there was under a minute to go in the game and team A was down three points.

What happened next really blew my mind. The coach looked me right in the eye and said, "What are you anyway - a f***ing walking rule book?"

At first, I was stunned. After all, he said this right in front of a bunch of kids - and loud, too!

I looked him right back in the eye and said, "Coach, here's what's going to happen now. First of all, you are ejected for a flagrant technical foul for using profanity (league rule). Then after that substitute shoots the free throw with no one on the line, the other team is going to get two shots and the ball back. Next, I am making a report out to the board recommending you be suspended for the rest of the season and that probably will happen because as you know, I am a board member and the rest of the board usually listens to my recommendations. Now, if you don't keep your mouth closed and leave the gym immediately, I will change the recommendation to a life suspension. OK - now it's your turn to decide what to do."

He stared for just a moment, with his face getting redder and redder (actually, I think it looked kind of cool doing that), then turned around, picked up his bag and walked out. To his credit, he never looked back at me the whole time.

Anyway, team B wound up winning by about seven and after the game, I had two parents come up to me and commend me. They were both from team A and said they had a profanity problem with that guy at practices. I asked them why they never reported it to the board (we have a phone number that is given to every parent before the season) and their answer disturbed me even more than what the coach did. They said because the team had won all their games so far.

Folks - this is a rec league and it's only a game. I guess our board has more work to do.
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Old Mon Feb 04, 2002, 08:20pm
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Thumbs up good story.

Mark,
So, a coach finds out what it is like to lay with the Big Dogs.
Good goin'.
mick
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Old Mon Feb 04, 2002, 09:24pm
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What happened next really blew my mind. The coach looked me right in the eye and said, "What are you anyway - a f***ing walking rule book?"

I totally agree with what you did Mark, but I was really expecting a good Davism after this setup!
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Old Mon Feb 04, 2002, 09:43pm
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Originally posted by Brad

I totally agree with what you did Mark, but I was really expecting a good Davism after this setup!
For a split second, it crossed my mind, but I really didn't want to wind up having this guy be the first howler monkey I report to the District Attorney to be prosecuted under the Oregon Sports Officials Assault law.

The way he was already turning red and the fact that I really didn't know anything about this guy (it's his first - and maybe his last in this league) made me think he might be stupid enough to put his hands on me if I "Daved" him.

One good Davism would have been, "Actually coach, rule books multiply by the printing press process, not by sexual activity - and, they have no legs. I guess that not only have you never seen one, you must have flunked sex ed in high school - if you ever went to high school, that is."

Plus - since this was the first game of the day (8 am, no less) and I had eaten a light breakfast only about an hour previously, I easily could have puked on his shoes.

Actually, there's a Davism I saw on "Ed" last week that I'm holding for whenever someone says something about my looks. It's "you're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest they said - sorry, no professionals."
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