A Partner

[M&M Guy]

Several years ago, a fellow official I knew approched me and wanted to "partner up" to get and work games together. Here in central IL, most of the smaller schools hire the officials directly rather than work with an assignor, so it became easier for AD's to hire one crew rather than two or three different officials for each game. At first, other officials tried to tell me to stay away, because this guy wasn't that good, had gotten in trouble with some coaches, etc. I knew Dave was a nice guy, and since I really didn't like calling schools about games, and he was willing to do that, I said, "Sure".

At first, I saw why he used to get in trouble. If a coach questioned a call, he would tell them to "Sit down and shut up." He was unsure about a couple of rules. He also worked football at the time, so he would occasionally mix up rules (such as the ever-popular discussion about whether a player should re-establish both feet inbounds after coming from OOB). But I soon figured out the reason for a lot of his problems was simply insecurity. Growing up, he was the last person off the bench on his HS basketball team. He loved sports, and found officiating kept him involved even though he could no longer play. But the insecurity got him in trouble, and soon he got "blacklisted" from a couple of schools. Other officials heard of his reputation and didn't want to work with him.

Slowly but surely, he got better. We would talk about rules and plays in the car to and from games. He became involved in the local associations, not only going to meetings, but becoming an officer in one and volunteering his time in another. He worked hard, and after a few tries, moved up to the Certified level (which is the highest level) in IL. You should've seen the look on his face when he finally received his first post-season assignment in basketball. Going to a game became the highlight of his day. One of the AD's from a school he had been banned from allowed him to work a game of theirs on the road. He was so nervous before that game, he made me concentate so much on calming him down, I forgot to be nervous. It was an exciting game, he did well, and I think that's when he started realizing he could be a decent enough official. As he became more confident, he found the games became a little easier.

Last September, he checked into the hospital for some tests, and they found a cancerous tumor on his liver. After a year of treatments, he finally passed away this past Friday night, at the age of 51. I think there is a chance he might've given up when the doctor told him he couldn't officiate any more - that seemed to be the information that made him the most upset.

Dave may not have been the most talented official in our area, but I think we lost an official with the most heart and dedication. He worked harder than most to get to where he was, and I know that makes me a little more appreciative of the level I've been able to achieve. I hope all of you can find the time to help out the "Daves" in your local associations. They may make a wrong call or be in the wrong position a lot, but they want to learn more about the game and officiating, and they want to work at getting better. That helps all of us.

http://www.legacy.com/news-gazette/O...sonId=95436808

[rainmaker]

Jim -- I'm so sorry for your loss, both in your association, and to you personally. And what a eulogy to give. Both honest and complimentary, which is the best kind of memories to leave, I think.

As a Dave-like ref myself, I really appreciate your admonition to all of us to remember the struggling, and be patient and kind. People like Camron Rust, rockyroad and others around here have done that for me, and I know others here who needed that kind of treatment and benefited from it. Thanks for your own reaching out, and thanks for spreading that around a little.

And tell Dave's family that all us refs will miss him.

[JRutledge]

One of my closest friends is a guy I officiate with. I feel all the emotion you stated in your post. I am very sorry for your lost. Kind of puts things in perspective for those that think this thing we do is life or death. After all it is only a hobby (a very important one to a lot of people) but friendship and family mean more. Fifty-one years old is just too young. I will keep his family and you in my prayers.

Peace

[Splute]

As a new official just beginning this year, I can tell you I have thought about quitting so many times already. After reading this, you give me new hope that others will also help me if I too will apply myself. I deeply appreciate you sharing this story.

[rockyroad]

Jim, thanks for sharing. And thanks for the reminder to stop and take time not only to help other officals out, but to get to know them outside of the game...have you thought of sharing this stuff at the services for Dave?

[kenref1]

When Jim and Dave needed a third official, I got the honor to work with these two several times. I will miss Dave, as he was on who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. I am having some trouble writing this as I wish I could have worked one more game with him. Dave will be truly missed. Please keep his wife and family in your prayers. We lost a good one!

[Jimgolf]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you and with Dave's family.

[M&M Guy]

Thanks, guys. (And Juulie, you know I include you in that. )

I forgot to mention in my original post - I saw his phone number on my caller ID Friday night, right about the time the Cubs clinched. Even though I couldn't take the call right at that moment, I knew the call had to be for one of two reasons. One possibility was bad news, but I was hoping it was him (or his wife) calling to congratulate me for the Cubs clinching. Even though he was a Cardinal fan (and, in spite of that, I worked with him anyway ) he was still the kind of person that would do that.

[TimTaylor]

No matter how much warning you might have, things like this are always rough. His wife and family are in our prayers.