Conflict of Interest...

[NURef]

Looking for some guidance.

My daughter has been playing summer high school bball in the same league I've been officiating. I have officiated a couple of her games only after checking with both coaches and getting their okay. I felt like its summer so there shouldn't be too much of a conflict of interest. Of course that's absurd to say since it is a conflict of interest regardless if both head coaches know about it or not...still I went ahead and officiated the games (Funny story about that in a second).

I am officiating a NCAA sanctioned tournament soon and there might be an outside chance that I could end up being assigned to one of my Daughter's games. Though it's not an official high school season game and my assigner already said it's okay I don't feel it's a smart or the right thing to do. I've informed the assigner that he's got to allow me to switch gyms or just scratch me all together...he hasn't responded yet.

How do you guys and gals see it...am I making too big a deal out of it? Have any of you officiated your child's off-season games or games like this?

Back to my daughter's summer league game I officiated. She had committed her 4th foul and I called it (already calling 1 on her). She turned around and said, "Come on Dad! Give me a break!"...I about swallowed my whistle. The head coaches must not have told their players about our little agreement. Every player's jaw dropped...a player on the other team asked her "Did you just call that official Dad?". They all broke-up laughing. If I wasn't laughing myself I would have given her the big T. Unprofessional yes...but priceless.

[Dan_ref]

Tell the assignor you won't work your daughter's games period.

NCAA sanctioned events are a big deal for the players. If you're smart you'll get to watch her impress the coaches from the sidelines.

btw...did you know Michael Moore is almost as bad a liar as GW Bush? It's true, ask google!

[NURef]

Originally Posted by Dan_ref

Tell the assignor you won't work your daughter's games period.

NCAA sanctioned events are a big deal for the players. If you're smart you'll get to watch her impress the coaches from the sidelines.

btw...did you know Michael Moore is almost as bad a liar as GW Bush? It's true, ask google!

Thanks...will do!

[Nevadaref]

I agree with Dan.

It's not that there will be unfairness in the game if you work it; it's that there will be the specter of impropriety.

Plus you don't want to be involved if an odd situation happens to arise.

For example, would you have allowed a random player to turn to you after a foul call and tell you "give me a break?" Not a situation that you want to put yourself in.

[Dan_ref]

Originally Posted by Nevadaref

I agree with Dan.

It's not that there will be unfairness in the game if you work it; it's that there will be the specter of impropriety.

Plus you don't want to be involved if an odd situation happens to arise.

For example, would you have allowed a random player to turn to you after a foul call and tell you "give me a break?" Not a situation that you want to put yourself in.

Actually we don't agree.

It's not about his being able to call a fair game.

It's about his being able to enjoy his daughter impressing the coaches.

[refnrev]

Don't work you daughter's game. I've had to work some of my son's HS soccer games when there was a last minute injury or no other official available. Trust me, YOU CANNOT WIN AND NEITHER CAN YOUR DAUGHTER OR HER TEAM!

[Nevadaref]

I don't think it's about him being able to call a fair game either. I think it is about him not putting himself in an awkward situation and being subject to what other people might think.

I have no doubt that he could call a fair game.

And this is the statement with which I agree:

Originally Posted by Dan_ref

Tell the assignor you won't work your daughter's games period.

I guess it doesn't really matter why we both believe that he should do this.

[SmokeEater]

I learned a very valuable lesson 2 years ago. My daughter who was then 13 years old was playing in a club tourney (AAU for comparison) and I was scheduled to officiate on the court she ended up playing one of the playoff games. I did not know what teams would be playing only that it was a playoff game and depending on how the round robin ended teams would be determined. Anyway, when I seen it was my daughter I cleared the issue with the coaches and away we went. It was a very entertaining game which came down to a 2 point attempt to tie the game and I call a foul, on my daughter. This put the opponents on the line to tie the game (it is important to note that they could have won had they made the initial shot). Free throws are attempted and the girl makes 1 of 2 and the game ends.

As I am signing the score sheet, my daughter walks over and says do you have more games or should I wait in the car, loud enough for some parents to hear. All of a sudden some guy is screaming from the stands that I was biased and called an unfair game which screwed his kid of a win. Yelling he is going to appeal the game and notify the tournament director. I ignored him until he started to threaten me personally. I am 6'04" and 225 lbs, I stood up and told him he had every right to talk to the administration but if he continued to threaten me then we would have to see how far he would go to back that up. (Second mistake)

I get a call from assigner later asking what happened so I told him. I kept a copy of the game sheet so I could look at the foul count and summary report. Final foul count in second half was 13 - 11 in favor of the loosing team. Attempted FT's in the game was 31, made FT was 6 pts from FT's. Where was this game really lost! Anyway after all of the BS that went on I had to apologize to this team and parents, I was suspended for 1 week and rest of the season tournaments ( 1 more ). It really wasn't a big loss.

All would have been ok if everyone had of just dropped it and moved on. The next year I am in a gym doing a game and what do I hear from the crowd, "This is the guy who screwed us last year, check and see if his girl is playing." Next stoppage in play I went to gym supervisor and asked to have the parent removed who said the remark. They would not do it so I left the gym myself. I got no grief from the assignor.

Moral of the story, never even if you know there is a chance, officiate one of your childrens games. I don't care what sport perception is some peoples reality.

[NURef]

That last one was an interesting story.

I did share my story with another friend and he stated I was lucky everyone laughed. He asked, what would I have done had the girl on the other team or even fans had heard what my daughter said and started to make a big deal out of it...bottom line I was lucky it fell the other way.

I agree...spring, summer, fall, whatever...don't do your child's game/s.

Thanks for sharing...

[Mark Padgett]

Here's a story showing just the opposite. When my son played in our local rec league, he hated it when I would work his games, because he knew I wouldn't let anything go that he did. In fact, in two different years, his coaches both told me they thought other refs let some stuff of his go because they thought I might come down hard on them if they called it tight on him, since I was the ref coordinator!

All the other coaches knew that if there was a relative of a ref playing, they could request another ref, but none of them ever did of me, whether it was my son or my nephew playing, but they frequently did for other refs. I don't know if that was a compliment to my fairness, or if they were just afraid to ask me.

I guess my son mellowed because eventually he coached his cousin's team and he never asked to replace me if I was working the game. And no - I never ejected him or even gave him a T. As a coach, he was an angel. In fact, a local TV station did a story on him coaching, since he was only in eighth grade (it was a fourth grade team).

[grunewar]

I always tell the assignor up front I will not ref any league games from my son's division. However, similar to others I have reffed my son's rec games ONLY when pressed into action due to other ref's not showing or only having a very junior ref for the game.

I always talk to the coaches, who all know me and say - your call, I can keep the books and clock as always and you can go with one ref or get another parent. Since I have reffed for many yrs and am one of the more senior officials "at rec level" they usually let me call the game. Never had any complaints - I'm probably fortunate.

Funny aside - last year, I T'd up my son for unsportsmanlike conduct in one of his games I reffed. He fell on a slippery floor and slammed the ball down. WHACK! He knows better. One of only 3 - T's I gave all yr.

Mom was none too happy with that one!

[BloggingRefGuy]

I don't have any children, but I'm a HS teacher, and I won't ref the school where I work. Assignor once either overlooked or ignored this and put me on a JV game for a whole truckload of girls I teach--this in my second year of officiating. I didn't know they were the team until I walked into the gym. Luckily, I had a very strong partner who told the coach that I was only an emergency replacement. He told the coach not to call me by name, told the team not to call me by name, and even told the boys' JV team sitting in the stands not to call me by name. Thank goodness he was there. I don't think anybody had any idea about anything, but I still had a terrible game. I considered how every call I made impacted my students instead of just calling the game.

I'm moving to a smaller city this summer, so staying away from my HS will be a little more difficult (fewer games to officiate in the area). Still, I'll insist on avoiding the situation. If anybody found out I taught at a school where I reffed, my reputation would be finished. I won't go there.

[TRef21]

I think you are making too much of deal out of this. It's summer and the games really dont matter. Players are working to get ready for the season and we are working as well to get ready. If it happens enjoy the time out there with your daughter. How often does a father or mother get to officiate their son or daughters game? Think of it as special moment for you and your daughter. Both are the same court trying to impress people to get to hirer levels. If you feel really uncomfortable then say something. Just my opinion though.

[Scrapper1]

Originally Posted by TRef21

Think of it as special moment for you and your daughter.

It doesn't matter how we think of it. We know that we're calling as fairly as we can. The problem is how the other team's players, coaches and fans think of it.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by TRef21

How often does a father or mother get to officiate their son or daughters game? Think of it as special moment for you and your daughter.

Hopefully never. Think of it is a no-win situation for the parent(s) and the daughter. No good can come of it.