Small town folks know you're not from around here

[Time2Ref]

I had finished my season on Monday evening. A girl's middle school double header. The first game went really good. A close game without any problems from players, coaches, or fans. The second game may have been one of the ugliest games I have ever seen. The score at the end of the first quarter was 2-0, with the 2 points coming right at the end of the 1st quarter. I was starting to think that it might turn into an endless OT game with nobody ever scoring.

But a friend of mine called and asked me to fill in for him on Tuesday evening. The location was about 45 miles from my work and about 55 miles away from my home and started at 5:30 pm. I didn't really want to do it, but he is a friend of mine so I said OK.

I tell my boss that I need to get off early and he really isn't too happy about it. I explain that it is my last game of the season and its very important that I am not late to a game.

So, I'm fighting traffic, thinking I'm not really hungry but I better get something to eat because its going to be a double-header. The Snicker/Popcorn meal doesn't do much for my level of concentration late in the second game. But, I hate being late, so I pass on the food.

I get into this little town and I can't find the elementary school, so I have to stop and ask for directions. (I had been there once last year and thought I would remember once I got into town). I get to the school and I start remembering I have to go into that back door and I know its going to be locked.

So, I'm standing at this back door to this elementary school that must have been built in the middle 1800's. I can hear the sounds of the gym and the kids in there shooting baskets. I'm kicking this big metal door with my boot and it's not making much noise and nobody hears me.

I eventually go around to the front, enter the school, and proceed to go to the kindergarden class that I already know is the changing room for the officials. Of course, its locked. I make my way to the gymnasium.

Upon entering the gym, I find that it's one adult and seven children just playing around. No timer, no teams, no coaches, no fans. Just this guy baby sitting these kids?

I ask if they are having a basketball game tonight and he says "Probably. They have games here".

Its a half an hour until game time and I'm starting to think the game must be at the Middle school or the High school. I'd better call my "friend".

He's at work. He's says he's got a contract. He's got his partner's phone number, but it's at home, not listed on his cell phone?

I ask the guy in the gym for directions to get to the Middle school and the High school. He says "I'm not from around here. Jimmy, can you tell him how to get there"? Jimmy, about 7 years old, points towards the bleachers and says "You go that way, then go this way, then turn again that way (all the while pointing to the bleachers and just turning his wrist this way and that way), then you will see some busses. There is a sign that says busses only, so don't go that way. Then you go the other way and around the circle and you will see it".

I start driving in the general direction he pointed. I see the busses. I see the sign. I drive around the other way and sure enough, there is a school.

I guess Jimmy, at seven years old, doesn't drive. Cause the "other way" only leads to a sidewalk. But that sidewalk leads across a field to the school.

It's getting later and I see cars parked over there and a couple of girls/ladies coming from the school heading towards the parking lot. If I just go ahead and drive on the sidewalk, I can catch them.

It turns out that it really is a sidewalk because I end up right in front of the school on the sidewalk with this lady looking at me like I'm nuts.

I drive off the curb onto the parking lot, whip around real quick to catch her before she gets into her car. It's not getting any earlier, so I block her in and put it into park and hop out.

I hear her lock her doors as I approach the car. Trying to smile, I say "You guys having a basketball game tonight"?

She must have thought I was some kind of weirdo cause she doesn't appear to even want to talk to me. Finally, she cracks her window and asks me what my name is. Like that's going to change anything. I'm sure the forced smile turned into a frown. I tell her my first name, that I'm a referee and ask her again if they are having a basketball game at this school tonight. I see her reaching for her cell phone.

Then I remember the story on the news this morning about a guy who kidnapped a girl in a parking lot and made her withdrawl money from her ATM machine and then raped her.

So, I'm back-peddling, telling her my first and last name and trying to explain that I'm basketball referee and I'm helping a friend (giving his first and last name) as a replacement official and I've been to the elementary school and they aren't having a game, etc.

She finally tells me that there is a 6th grade tournament, but its at the elemtary school, and she thinks that it might be tomorrow night.

I tell her that I can't wait around until tomorrow, but thanks for the information. And oh yeah, sorry about that driving on the sidewalk thing.

I figure if I'm lucky, I can get home by 7:00 pm. It looks like I need gas and I notice that they have raised the price again. I wonder if I can claim .41 cents a mile on my taxes for a game that never happened.

I Should've called the AD this morning.

[WhistlesAndStripes]

Why only .41 cents? If you're going to claim it, why not claim the full 48.5 cents?

[Time2Ref]

Hey! You're right.

I guess some good came out of it.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by Time2Ref

Finally, she cracks her window and asks me what my name is.

Whenever anyone asks me my name at a game, I tell them it's "Skippy Weaselpants".

[ChrisSportsFan]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

Whenever anyone asks me my name at a game, I tell them it's "Skippy Weaselpants".

LOL I was at a car dealership a couple of weeks ago and the receptionest kept paging "Mike Hunt, you have a call holding on line 2", I couldn't stop laughing and never told my wife what was so funny. Seems that someone's prank was working.

[Adam]

Probably one of the sales guys on his cell phone.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by ChrisSportsFan

LOL I was at a car dealership a couple of weeks ago and the receptionest kept paging "Mike Hunt, you have a call holding on line 2", I couldn't stop laughing and never told my wife what was so funny. Seems that someone's prank was working.

Sounds like something Bart Simpson would pull. A couple of weeks ago I was watching "Stump The Schwab" on ESPN Classic. One of the contestants didn't know an answer that was someone's name so he gave the answer as "Dick Trickle". Stuart Scott (the host) cracked up.

[cmathews]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

Sounds like something Bart Simpson would pull. A couple of weeks ago I was watching "Stump The Schwab" on ESPN Classic. One of the contestants didn't know an answer that was someone's name so he gave the answer as "Dick Trickle". Stuart Scott (the host) cracked up.

for those who don't know http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Trickle

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by cmathews

for those who don't know http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Trickle

Didn't know it was a running joke on ESPN. I guess the contestant was actually funnier than I thought. Kudos to him.

[cmathews]

you have to be a hardcore possibly redneck, to have the last name Trickle, then to have a kid and actually name them Richard or Dick......wow...ouch...

[Scrapper1]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

Didn't know it was a running joke on ESPN.

When Olbermann was still on SportsCenter, he would give Dick Trickle's finish in every car race. Did it with a straight face, too. Absolutely hysterical.

[Scrapper1]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

Sounds like something Bart Simpson would pull.

Actually, I first heard it in "Porky's" (sad to say I watched it as a teen). Even the Fox network couldn't get away with that, I don't think.

[Mark Padgett]

I still think the best real sports name is that of former NFL player Fair Hooker.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

I still think the best real sports name is that of former NFL player Fair Hooker.

WR for the Cleveland Browns back in the 70's.

I've always loved it when Richard Enberg is doing a game and the studio or sideline annoucer says, "Back to you, Dick". Of course I have an immature sense of humor