I do not understand what any official hopes to accomplish by making "smart a$$" remarks to coaches (i.e "since when is crying a foul?"). It certainly doesn't resolve the situation - the coach is mad at the perceived lack of calls - and now you're making him more angry by dismissing his complaint with a poor attempt at humor.

Find out what his concern is, address it (if needed), and move on. The goal is to reduce his level of frustration/anger - not increase it.

I with you on this one JR.

I had a similar situation in a 6th grade game. First quarter, visiting coach screaming. I go over to find out what's wrong. He demands a new clock operator. I ask again what's wrong. Coach scream unitelligably about the clock operator. At this point the other coach jumps up and demands that he show respect. The gym direcotr comes over so I leave it to him. Turns out the team gets up and leaves.

Unfortuantely I had another game to do so I had to hang out.

tonyp - yours is a good example of an official who tries to find out what the problem is and attempt to fix/address it, if possible. We can't be "all things to all people" and resolve every conflict, but we certainly have to find out what is going on. Clearly the coach didn't like the alternatives and he made the decision to walk out with his team. Not much you can do about that except be confident in the fact that you tried to resonably resolve the issue.....much better than using some smart-aleck answer to his initial complaint.......well done!

Thanks. I will admit that I'm not immune from the smart alack response at times. From talking to people after he left, he was complaining that the clock wasn't stopping on whistles. Of course, at that age level in that league it's running clock. How he got 8 games into the season without knowing that I'll never know. He was also losing 13-0 so maybe that was a factor. I just hate to see the kids not get to play their game because of an adult.

It's not a threat or a lecture; its reality. I don't have any ability to fire someone, so how could it be a threat? I guess I can see how someone would see it as a lecture, but even if it is, they certainly deserve it. If they take it as a threat or lecture and stay on the court, everybody wins.

If they truly are stupid enough to try and come back at me for suggesting I've done something wrong after they've walked off the court -- something at least in Texas that will get them in serious trouble -- I say bring it on. My point in suggesting this to a coach is to try and make one last attempt to their logical side (which you may think is a waste of time, and a point with which I may agree), and I have had very good success in various events in my life in making profound, emphatic statements that "encouraged" people to act appropriately (statements that I may not have fully been able to back up) -- or to not act inappropriately. If their better judgment actually does come into play and they stay on the court, we play on and forget the whole thing. If they do leave, I have done what I can and could never imagine getting into trouble for saying something like what I've quoted. I will simply explain that I was illustrating that their behavior would have very serious negative consequences and to get them to behave appropriately is always justified. I wasn't doing or saying anything wrong or illegal. A football coach/AD told me several years ago that any coach of his that left the court or field with their team would be fired. They would have breached their contract.

If you want to handle it differently, fine. I don't disagree with what you said about it not being our job to do this. But I feel that in certain cases (I probably wouldn't do it in a HS varsity game and would never do it in a college game) it would be worthwhile.

What's the difference between saying this and saying, "First of all this is a 5th grade game I would not worry about it. Officials at this level are there for a reason. If they understood how to officiate or had any officiating ability or basketball background, they would be working somewhere else. ;)

No need to be condescending.

What the coach was saying about her players "crying" was clearly that the official was not calling fouls on contact that was severe enough to make them cry.

Had you previously officiated in this league's regular season? Usually sub-HS officials allow less contact than HS leagues, and you were almost certainly allowing more contact than she believed to be normal. This may have been more her perception than reality, but her subsequent actions indicate she felt strongly about it.

To defuse the situation, you might have explained why the contact was not a foul, or you might have ignored the coach as others have suggested, but instead you chose to be antagonistic by making a wisecrack. This contributed to the coach's perception that you were targeting her team.