How do you handle this.................

[FishinRef]

I was asked to work a Rec-League tournament game last night (10yr old boys). League admin asked myself and a fellow H.S. Official to do the Championship games. I have worked with my partner for the last several years on a H.S. Varsity level so we have a great deal of confidence in our abilities together. As we entered the gym, I realized that I knew one of the coaches. He is actually good personal friend. As the game progressed, he continued to ask questions regarding our calls. I replied to him several times in passing that we are calling a good, tight game by the RULES. It became evident that he had little knowledge of the Rules or the Mechanics to enforce them. By the end of the game, he began questioning EVERY call we made. At the end of the game he tells his team that they had to play against 7 people instead of 5. He also said we were dead wrong on most of our calls. I am burdened with whether or not to contact the coach, who I still consider a good friend, now that the game is over and explain to him what a poor example he sets for his kids. As a coach, I am perfectly fine with him acting like an A$$, but as a friend I want to point out that he is infact, acting like an A$$.

[Jurassic Referee]

Forget about it; you'll never change his mind. You just learned the first rule of officiating. The only "friend" that you will ever have in the gym is your partner(s). Personally, I don't want anyone who acts like that as a "friend".

[Dan_ref]

Yeah, well, this has happened to most of us, I believe. You took too much from him, I suspect, because you were surprised by his behavior so the lesson learned is that even 'good personal friends' become frothing idiots in the heat of these kiddy rec ball things. And we all know what to do to settle those people down.

I would probably say something about it to him, but I wouldn't go out of my way to confront him. And be prepared for him to get all defensive and frothy about it all over again - or maybe he'll just laugh it off. Obviously it depends on just what kind of jerk...errr...what kind of person he is.

[rockyroad]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee
Forget about it; you'll never change his mind. You just learned the first rule of officiating. The only "friend" that you will ever have in the gym is your partner(s). Personally, I don't want anyone who acts like that as a "friend".

Agreed...you will not "convince" your friend that he was wrong. Not even if you sat down with a tape of the game and a rule book and went over every call and play with him... it is inherent in our society that (for most people)as soon as you put on the stripes and the oh-so-comfortable polyester pants you are no longer a person...you are an "it" and people feel absolutely no compunction about yelling at an "it"...and your friend would probably have no clue what you were talking about if you approached him - in his mind, he did nothing wrong...let it go, put it behind you... the friendship is more important than that game.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally posted by rockyroad
[/B]

Agreed...you will not "convince" your friend that he was wrong. Not even if you sat down with a tape of the game and a rule book and went over every call and play with him... it is inherent in our society that (for most people)as soon as you put on the stripes and the oh-so-comfortable polyester pants you are no longer a person...you are an "it" and people feel absolutely no compunction about yelling at an "it [/B][/QUOTE]Amen, Brother Rocky.

You know what? As soon as more officials figure that out.... and forget about trying to gain "acceptance" or "approval" out there.....and just officiate the damn game without worrying about pleasing everybody/anybody except your peers....or be out there trying to cure all the social ills of the world at the same time that you're refereeing....then you'll be doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing-- adjudicating a sports contest in a manner that will give the participants a fair, equal and honest game.

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee

Agreed...you will not "convince" your friend that he was wrong. Not even if you sat down with a tape of the game and a rule book and went over every call and play with him... it is inherent in our society that (for most people)as soon as you put on the stripes and the oh-so-comfortable polyester pants you are no longer a person...you are an "it" and people feel absolutely no compunction about yelling at an "it [/B]

Amen, Brother Rocky.

You know what? As soon as more officials figure that out.... and forget about trying to gain "acceptance" or "approval" out there.....and just officiate the damn game without worrying about pleasing everybody/anybody except your peers....or be out there trying to cure all the social ills of the world at the same time that you're refereeing....then you'll be doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing-- adjudicating a sports contest in a manner that will give the participants a fair, equal and honest game.
[/B][/QUOTE]

Sounds like you need some jello pudding.

[rockyroad]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee

Agreed...you will not "convince" your friend that he was wrong. Not even if you sat down with a tape of the game and a rule book and went over every call and play with him... it is inherent in our society that (for most people)as soon as you put on the stripes and the oh-so-comfortable polyester pants you are no longer a person...you are an "it" and people feel absolutely no compunction about yelling at an "it [/B]

Amen, Brother Rocky.

You know what? As soon as more officials figure that out.... and forget about trying to gain "acceptance" or "approval" out there.....and just officiate the damn game without worrying about pleasing everybody/anybody except your peers....or be out there trying to cure all the social ills of the world at the same time that you're refereeing....then you'll be doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing-- adjudicating a sports contest in a manner that will give the participants a fair, equal and honest game.
[/B][/QUOTE]

Been trying to teach the "rookies" I work with this lesson for years...the ones who get it stick around. The ones who don't, well, don't...

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by rockyroad

Amen, Brother Rocky.

You know what? As soon as more officials figure that out.... and forget about trying to gain "acceptance" or "approval" out there.....and just officiate the damn game without worrying about pleasing everybody/anybody except your peers....or be out there trying to cure all the social ills of the world at the same time that you're refereeing....then you'll be doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing-- adjudicating a sports contest in a manner that will give the participants a fair, equal and honest game.
[/B]

Been trying to teach the "rookies" I work with this lesson for years...the ones who get it stick around. The ones who don't, well, don't... [/B][/QUOTE]

The lesson about not being a people pleaser is available; but the lesson of what a jerk a good friend can be under certain circumstances, and how to deal with that, is very, very difficult. I've really struggled with this one myself. How can I respect this woman "in the morning?" Or how can I work with this guy later today? when they've said such awful things to me -- maybe even about me? That gets tricky.

[SeanFitzRef]

Unfortunately, the only ones that seem to understand that it is a game to be played are the kids. 8th grade playoff game, and the coach and parents are acting ridiculously, as if the million dollar jackpot was at stake. Meanwhile, the players on the court, my partner and I were all having a good laugh at their expense.

Sometimes, people just don't realize that li'l Johnny and li'l Jane make mistakes on the court. I have yet to see a perfect basketball player, or a perfect referee for that matter.

Just once, I would LOVE the opportunity to go and holler at some of these 'parents' at their normal place of business. Oh my, would I let them have it!!

[Ref in PA]

I remember coming into a gym to ref a 7th grade boys game and my brother was the coach of the visiting team. The schedule given me just says a school and a time. I don't know who my partner or the opponents will be until I show up. I T'd my brother in the second quarter and did not hear a peep out him until Sunday dinner at Mom's. He thought I should have warned him before I T'd him.

You have no friends out there, not even relatives!

[stick]

I had a similar situation a year ago or so in a boy's v game. One of the coach's in this game is a close friend & also a teammate of mine on a slow-pitch softball team. Of course his team is getting their a$$es handed to them and of course he's all over us. I didn't even listen to him. My partner t'd him up in the 4th quarter after calling a blocking foul on his guy (close to a charge). A couple weeks later our softball team has a meeting and he apologizes to me foracting the way he did. I totally forgot about it and told him apologize for what? Moral of the story is I never take anything of that type personal. If you do you don't need to be officiating.

[FishinRef]

Thanks for the chance to vent. I seldomly if ever allow ANYBODY to get under my skin while I'm on the floor. I agree that nobody lasts for long if they do. This situation just had an uncomfortable feel to it. I could care less if he wanted to disagree with any or all of the calls. No valid "RULES" argument was presented by the coach regarding a single play of the game. It just bothered me, as his friend, not the Official, to see him involve his kids with his comments.

These kids have been shown explicitly how to blame others for their own shortcomings.
I expected better from him.

[stick]

I'd forget about it fishinref. If your friend persists tell him he needs to be fitted for a zebra shirt and see how he handles it. Lord knows we need all the zebras we can get!!

[Raymond]

Personally I leave everything that happens on the court, on the court.

We are no more entitled to confront a coach (whether it be friend, co-worker, Walmart cashier) after a game about his/her coaching shortcomings as a coach would be entitled to confront us about our officiating shortcomings.

I'm sure you wouldn't like it if you had an off-game officiating and at the next neighborhood barbeque he comes up to you telling you how awful you were on the court.



[Edited by BadNewsRef on Feb 28th, 2006 at 02:12 PM]

[ChrisSportsFan]

Originally posted by Ref in PA
I remember coming into a gym to ref a 7th grade boys game and my brother was the coach of the visiting team. The schedule given me just says a school and a time. I don't know who my partner or the opponents will be until I show up. I T'd my brother in the second quarter and did not hear a peep out him until Sunday dinner at Mom's. He thought I should have warned him before I T'd him.

You have no friends out there, not even relatives!

"Well then, Brother, let this be your warning for next time......don't act like that".