Classic one-liners!

[Pirate]

I know that as officials we are not supposed to carry on conversations with coaches, players, fans, etc. However, I think that most of us would agree that there are times when a good one-liner can sure break the tension either before or during a big game.

I'm just curious in hearing from other officials as to what they've heard (or said) that would achieve the purpose of easing tensions?!

I've heard one regarding Louie Carnesecca (St. John's.) After a call Louie definitely disagreed on, he ran straight up the sidelines toward the calling official to voice his displeasure. The official, obviously trying to diffuse the situation, simply told Louie, "Coach, if you come any farther, you'll have to check in!" Mission accomplished, Louie just smiled and had a seat.

[Alaska Ref]

Here in Fairbanks we have a guy we call the "fan" and he has this ability to find that quite moment durning a game and a voice that is louder then the guy on the PA.
A couple of weeks ago he had a good one, "hey ref when you see Santa how about asking him for a Clue" we all got a chuckle out of that one.

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Don

[Richard Kreimer]

This was told by a partner of mine to a coach that had stated complaining almost before the tip.
As I am going to report a foul, the coach is screaming at me and my partner goes close enough for him to hear and said "Coach,I know my partner and I will finish the game tonight, are you?"
He never said another word the rest of the game.

[Mark Padgett]

Here's three I like.

Years ago, when Jack Ramsey was coaching the Trailblazers, he yelled at Dick Bavetta for not making an obvious call. Bavetta replied that it wasn't his call. Ramsey said, "You're an official - if it isn't your call, whose is it - the popcorn guy?"

Another one happened to me. A friend of mine and fellow ref was watching one of my games. At the start of the fourth quarter, he came over to the sideline and asked me, quite loudly, if I was pregnant.

Being a man, I thought it was a strange question, especially since I had lost a lot of weight (which is what I thought he meant at first).

I looked at him and said, "No Dave, I'm not pregnant. I'll bite, why do you ask?"

His reply: "Because you missed three periods."

The third one I use quite often. Whenever a team comes out of a huddle with too many (or too few) players, I stop, go over to the bench and loudly announce to the coach: "New rule this year coach - you get 5 players!!!"

99% of the time they laugh.

[Alaska Ref]

When i was refereeing my first high school varsity season, i was reporting a foul and a lady shouted from behind the scorers table "hey ref if you had another eye you'd be a cyclopes" we all got a kick out of that one and it took me a minute or two to stop laughing.

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Don

[Dennis Flannery]

I was watching one of my dad's games...(he coaches that's why I ref) and he was have some problems with one of the refs in the first half, and his team wasn't playing very well. Well just after the start of the 3rd quarter, and his team still not playing well, this same ref made a call that my dad didn't like....so he yells to the ref after the call, " I see the rest didn't do you any good either." Of course the ref gave hime a T. By the way that is the only T that he has ever gotten.

[sharkref]

An officiating friend of mine was doing a High School game between two Catholic schools and after a very physical play the coach from one of the teams says to him "That was an obvious foul, I saw it, the fans saw it, and worst of all God saw it". My friend looked him dead in the eye and said, "Yeah but God doesn't have the whistle, I do."

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Mark Michael

[b_silliman]

We were in the 2nd overtime period (eventually went 3 overtimes) between Valley and Las Vegas high schools when an assistant coach jumped about 3 feet above his chair after a call against his team. I chose to pass on a technical given the importance of the game.

Immediately, a timeout was called. At the warning buzzer ending the timeout, I said to the head coach, "if the assistant coach jumps up again he better not come down."

Needless to say the head coach had a quick talk to his assistant and the kids won the game on the court, not at the free throw line because of a coach.

[Jerry Baldwin]

I had a really ugly game, seems no one on the floor could play basketball that night. One of the coaches was down by 30+ points and was begging for a 'T', which he got. After that it became obvious he wanted a second so he could go to the locker room. After a discussion with my partner he went to the coach and said "coach, if we have to stay here still the end, so do you". He laughed and went and set down without another word. No amount of coaching was going to help that night.

One of the best comments I've heard in a Captain's conference went like this Ref: red captain can you control your team, blue captain can you control your team? If you'll try and do that, I'll do my best to control my two partners. Both captains looked at us we grinned and everyone went away with a smile. Happy New Year to all and may God bless you and your families all year long.

Jerry

[BigDave]

Best one-liner I've heard from a fan yet. My partner made a questionable call and a guy jumped up and screamed "Hey ref, bend over and use your good eye!"

[Just Curious]

A quote from one of our local coaches and printed in our local paper was " The officiating was so poor that both the official and his seeing eye dog needed glasses." My 2 cents worth...
jc

[John]

I wrked a JV game in 1992 in Colorado. At halftime the coach of the home team followed us into the break room and continued to argue with us about our performance in the 1st half. My partner got up and began to walk our of the room. The coach asked him where he was going and his answer was "Since you are going to come in here at halftime and tell me how to do my job, I'm going to your locker room to tell your team to try a full court press. Nothing else seems to be working." The coach left.