Here's three I like.
Years ago, when Jack Ramsey was coaching the Trailblazers, he yelled at Dick Bavetta for not making an obvious call. Bavetta replied that it wasn't his call. Ramsey said, "You're an official - if it isn't your call, whose is it - the popcorn guy?"
Another one happened to me. A friend of mine and fellow ref was watching one of my games. At the start of the fourth quarter, he came over to the sideline and asked me, quite loudly, if I was pregnant.
Being a man, I thought it was a strange question, especially since I had lost a lot of weight (which is what I thought he meant at first).
I looked at him and said, "No Dave, I'm not pregnant. I'll bite, why do you ask?"
His reply: "Because you missed three periods."
The third one I use quite often. Whenever a team comes out of a huddle with too many (or too few) players, I stop, go over to the bench and loudly announce to the coach: "New rule this year coach - you get 5 players!!!"
99% of the time they laugh.
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