Act of God

[JCrow]

This happened to me last night in a JV Girl's Game. A1 makes a steal at the division line and has a clear path to her basket. Somebody brought a German Sheppard to the Game? The dog rushes out of the stands and nips the girl from behind after she started her shooting motion. The layup goes in and I blow my whistle. I stop the Game and yell into the stands,

"Who owns the damn dog?"

A mother from B's Team claims ownership so I award A1 two free throws. B's Coach goes nuts. By this time, I'm pretty hot so I tell him,

"It's a Flagrant on the dog for biting. It's in the Book."

The Coach is irrate and says it was an "Act of God".

I blow the whistle again and yell,

"Then God should have put the dog in a Uniform...that's another Technical for violation of Rule 3.4.1."

About then I hear the B Team Mother yell,

"Kill, Heinzie! Kill."

I ran out through the Fire Escape Doors and now my Assigner only wants to pay me for 1/2 the game.

What would YOU do?

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by JCrow
What would YOU do?

Well, once I woke up in a sweat, I would contact a health care professional. Dreams like that one are a sign of deep problems.

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by JCrow


What would YOU do?

Depends.

Was this on a cruise ship? If so, were you passing over the international dateline?

[JRutledge]

Give the ball back to the team that had the ball.

Peace

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by Dan_ref

Depends.

Are you saying you'd have to change your underwear? Just a product endorsement?

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by ChuckElias

Are you saying you'd have to change your underwear? Just a product endorsement?

I was looking at some stupid TV show or movie the other day, some guy runs up to a taxi driven by some old man & asks if he can take him to some far off city. Old guy sez "Depends!" The traveler asks "On what?" Old guy sez "Nothin'. But I'm gonna need some depends for the trip."

[Camron Rust]

Originally posted by JCrow
This happened to me last night in a JV Girl's Game. A1 makes a steal at the division line and has a clear path to her basket. Somebody brought a German Sheppard to the Game? The dog rushes out of the stands and nips the girl from behind after she started her shooting motion. The layup goes in and I blow my whistle. I stop the Game and yell into the stands,

"Who owns the damn dog?"

A mother from B's Team claims ownership so I award A1 two free throws. B's Coach goes nuts. By this time, I'm pretty hot so I tell him,

"It's a Flagrant on the dog for biting. It's in the Book."

The Coach is irrate and says it was an "Act of God".

I blow the whistle again and yell,

"Then God should have put the dog in a Uniform...that's another Technical for violation of Rule 3.4.1."

About then I hear the B Team Mother yell,

"Kill, Heinzie! Kill."

I ran out through the Fire Escape Doors and now my Assigner only wants to pay me for 1/2 the game.

What would YOU do?

Shot went in, right? Kick the dog/owner out of them gym. Give the ball to B for a throwin as after any made basket.

[zebraman]

Originally posted by JCrow
This happened to me last night in a JV Girl's Game. A1 makes a steal at the division line and has a clear path to her basket. Somebody brought a German Sheppard to the Game? The dog rushes out of the stands and nips the girl from behind after she started her shooting motion. The layup goes in and I blow my whistle. I stop the Game and yell into the stands,

"Who owns the damn dog?"

A mother from B's Team claims ownership so I award A1 two free throws. B's Coach goes nuts. By this time, I'm pretty hot so I tell him,

"It's a Flagrant on the dog for biting. It's in the Book."

The Coach is irrate and says it was an "Act of God".

I blow the whistle again and yell,

"Then God should have put the dog in a Uniform...that's another Technical for violation of Rule 3.4.1."

About then I hear the B Team Mother yell,

"Kill, Heinzie! Kill."

I ran out through the Fire Escape Doors and now my Assigner only wants to pay me for 1/2 the game.

What would YOU do?

LOL. But what's funnier is that you are getting serious answers from some of the regulars.

Z

[JCrow]

Hey! My integrity has NEVER been disproven. When I post this Board you can bet that it happened. My Assigner will tell you about the game I did a few years ago. Team A is down by two with time running out. A1 throws up a half court attempt. While the ball was in the air...the lights in the Gym go out!! When the lights come on, again.....the ball is rolling under along the endline. My partner froze up.....

I knew it was up to me to make the right call. I noticed a blonde in the stands with a new Sony Cam Corder. I know alot about camera's from flying U2's over Cuba in the 60's.

The new Sony's have an extreme low lux function. I went in the stands to borrow the blonde's Cam Corder and see if the shot went in?

When I bent over, she wispers in my ear,

"Call it good and I'll go over Rule 4-25 with YOU at my place."

So I walked down to the Court....the Fans, Players and Coaches were in stunned silence. I bent my ear over to my partner's mouth. He was still a Zombie. I turned around and yelled,

"HE SAYS IT WAS GOOD! THREE POINTS!"

I ducked out the Fire Escape while B's Fans ripped him limb from limb.

[deecee]

both your posts have cracked me up -- keep em coming

[JCrow]

It was disappointing at the blonde's place after the game. Rule 5-7 came into play unexpectedly. B's Coach filed a complaint with my Board and I had to officiate Rec League Games at a Maximum Security Prison for 6 months.

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by JCrow
Hey! My integrity has NEVER been disproven. When I post this Board you can bet that it happened. My Assigner will tell you about the game I did a few years ago. Team A is down by two with time running out. A1 throws up ...

You goofed. YOu should have stopped the game at this point, and let A1 have a replacement!

[JCrow]

You might be right.

I remember the Chamionship Game in the Maximum Security Prison Rec League. These guys were dangerous and the Away Team was always required to wear an ankle shackle & heavy ball to the Home Team's Gym. During warm-ups before the Championship, I noticed that the Away Team was going thru their lay-up drill carrying their ankle balls in one hand.

I went over to the Warden who served as Coach and asked him what was up? He said,

"I forgot the darn keys!"

Knowing that this violated Rule 3-5, I faced a toug decision. Luckily, I know alot about locks from my days working in the Nixon Administration. I wasn't in on Watergate. I was in charge of Nixon's "Enemies List". It was a great gig. It only took about 15 minutes a week and gave me lots of time to work on decipering the Dead Sea Scrolls over at the Smithstonian Institute. I'm pretty good at Ancient Hebrew.

I had to serve 6 months with G. Gordon Liddy. Like I said, I was innocent but John Dean suspected that I was messing around with his wife, Maureen,(gentlemen never tell) and for revenge added my name to the guys he ratted out. While in stir, I met one of the members of the Massachusetts Congressional Delegation that taught me how to pick a lock with a basketball needle.

Naturally, I was able to save the day. The Ayrian Brotherhood Jazz beat the Crips Capitols 99-98 in a rough but well played contest. Both Teams were so pleased with my officiating that they offered me membership in their gangs by something called a "beat-down'.

[David B]

Originally posted by JCrow
You might be right.

I remember the Chamionship Game in the Maximum Security Prison Rec League. These guys were dangerous and the Away Team was always required to wear an ankle shackle & heavy ball to the Home Team's Gym. During warm-ups before the Championship, I noticed that the Away Team was going thru their lay-up drill carrying their ankle balls in one hand.

I went over to the Warden who served as Coach and asked him what was up? He said,

"I forgot the darn keys!"

Knowing that this violated Rule 3-5, I faced a toug decision. Luckily, I know alot about locks from my days working in the Nixon Administration. I wasn't in on Watergate. I was in charge of Nixon's "Enemies List". It was a great gig. It only took about 15 minutes a week and gave me lots of time to work on decipering the Dead Sea Scrolls over at the Smithstonian Institute. I'm pretty good at Ancient Hebrew.

I had to serve 6 months with G. Gordon Liddy. Like I said, I was innocent but John Dean suspected that I was messing around with his wife, Maureen,(gentlemen never tell) and for revenge added my name to the guys he ratted out. While in stir, I met one of the members of the Massachusetts Congressional Delegation that taught me how to pick a lock with a basketball needle.

Naturally, I was able to save the day. The Ayrian Brotherhood Jazz beat the Crips Capitols 99-98 in a rough but well played contest. Both Teams were so pleased with my officiating that they offered me membership in their gangs by something called a "beat-down'.

thanks for the laugh!

David

[deecee]

they get better -- well written parody is so hard to come by these days.