To David Rinke

[rainmaker]

David --

I was mostly away from the baord over the weekend, and came home this evening to find all your posts and threads. I understand your position, since I used to hold that position, too, that every ref ought to perform to the peak of the level they're working in every game, and that the rules ought to be held to much more strictly than they are. In theory, I agree with you.

But the fact of the matter is that it just doesn't work that way, and it never will. The only thing you can control is what you do, and how you handle whatever situation you're in. Regardless of how bad your partner is, complaining isn't going to help, and it's not going to change things. When you're coaching, complaining isn't going to help. In fact, it might make things worse.

You're simply going to have to accept the reality as it stands, that there is no happy ending. Bad stuff happens. Bad refs keep getting games. Tournaments keep running low on refs and having to use college students. Your team will keep getting the short end of the stick, every so often. Your partners will, once in a while, be lousy, or worse.

Why do you have to accept it? Because it's a lot easier to function on an on-going basis if you're dealing with what is, rather than what ought to be. ANd you'll be healthier and more peaceful if you can quit demanding perfection, and see the value in "let it be."

I'm speaking from experience here. As a young adult, I was the ultimate perfectionist and couldn't understand why anyone would ever "settle" for less than 100%. Fortunately for me, some very serious mental illness issues set in fairly quickly, and I had to learn in a hurry that good enough was a lot better than good enough, it was fantastic.

I'm still not "there", in terms of accepting myself. There is no "there". But I've learned to live with that about myself, and it makes it easier to accept less from others. It's a freeing and enjoyable process to go through, and I recommend it.

juulie