stupid remarks by fans and wittier comeback responses by the official

[Junker]

Not using smarta*# comments is a struggle for me on the court. I've always had a certain gift for it. A few from my career....

Sophmore game this year, I couln't resist. Player A goes hard to the hole and gets a little bump on the way, initiating as much as taking. I no call of course. Coach A repeats loudly about 8 times "Tell me there's no body on that". As I go by on my way to T. I spit out my whistle, slow down in front of him and say, "Coach, there was no body on that". 3 players next to him were beside themselves laughing and the coach even cracked up. Didn't hear him the rest of the night. Not a strategy I will normally use, but I couldn't resist.

My favorite I ever used was in my second year, kid's travelling tournament (both in where it was held and how the players moved the ball). I call a foul and as I go to position a fan is screaming, "How do you call that foul!" I stopped, looked at him and replied, "First I blew my whistle loudly indicating that play should stop. Then I put my fist straight up in the air communicating that I had a foul. If my hand had been open, I would have been communicating a violation such as travelling, but since my fist was closed, I called a foul. Any other questions?" Didn't hear anything else from their fans for the evening. I enjoyed that one, but it is out of my officiating game forever, with good cause.