Thanks for all the constructive replies. Great thing about officiating is there's a next game to go out and put to practice what you've hopefully learned.

I had a game recently where the visiting team was from another part of the state. The visiting team coach implied almost from the beginning that he was getting hommered. Now it was not very obvious that was what he was saying, but it was clear in the accumulation of his comments. I came to him when I had a chance and confronted him without anyone knowing it. I was the Center on a ball about to be put in and I told him in no uncertain terms, "I have no problem with you complaining about calls, but I grew up an hour away from your school, I am not going to have you question the integrity of my crew." Now I said all this to the coach while my back was basically facing him or I was standing right beside him. I never turned around or looked at him directly. So no one even knew I was having much of a conversation with him. The coach quickly backed down and tried to suggest that he was not complaining about me. I said to him, "Coach I do not care, you complain about my crew member and you are talking about me. I am not going to tolerate you questioning the integrity of my crew again." The coach got the message because he did not make any similar comments the rest of the game. Now he did get upset and he did complain about individual calls (so was the other coach so I have no problem with that) but he did not talk about foul counts or what his kids could not do the rest of the night. This coach even at one time said that, "My two All-Americans are sitting on the bench because you guys keep calling fouls." I did not hear that comment and if I did I probably would have laughed. Only one of his players was anything of an All-American, the other was too young to probably be considered at that point. It was a fun game but a game where I learned more about how to handle coaches.

Peace

Welcome to the forum, closely_guarded. I thought I'd share my own experience, with the hope that it will be helpful to you (and maybe others reading). When I started officiating (I'm in my 8th year now), I almost never talked/communicated with coaches. I felt like it was my job to officiate the game and their job to coach; and I did not believe I owed them any explanations other than making my calls/signals clear so that they could understand my rulings. I believed that I had a thick skin, and I sought to "prove it" by ignoring everything that was said to me. Very quickly, I had rules knowledge and excellent mechanics. Not quite as quickly, :-), I came to realize that more is needed from us, from me.

Particularly as we "move up," people skills are enormously important. One of my mentors told me earlier this year that, when I first started, some experienced coaches and officials thought I looked "intimidated" on the court. I never felt intimidated, but that was my reputation. Looking back on things, I think that reputation was earned by not communicating (and not issuing well-earned Ts).

Each of us is different. We have to be true to our personalities (because being genuine is an important component of our credibility). For me, I know that I'll never be a schmoozer or funny guy (characteristics that some officials are able to carry off in a professional manner; characteristics that some display unprofessionally). Perhaps like you, I'll probably always tend to communicate less than more. But I have learned that it is *really* important to communicate. It often helps if, early in the game, you can help to set the tone. In response to your coach's "unbelievable that you missed that call down there" comment, I might have tried a "you've got to let that go, coach," but only if I could say that while he sees me smiling - not a smart-aleck smile, but a warm, slightly empathetic smile. If I couldn't do it with a smile (like if you're running by and there's no dead ball in the near vicinity), I think I'd pass and say nothing.

As for the stuff following the T on his player, remember that the mechanic now is to let the non-calling official inform the coach. If you had followed that mechanic, the whole situation *might* have been avoided. Of course it might not. The coach still might want an explanation from you. But let's say that things happened as they did to you. After you gave him your it-wasn't-what-he-said-it-was-what-he-did explanation and he gave you his "well, I'm disgusted" comment, I think there were basically two good options. First, particularly if the coach said this loudly, you might have given him a T. Second, and this is the option I would *prefer* (but in the circumstances may not work), you might have said something like: "Get your substitution in, coach, and while my partner administers the free throws, I'll talk to you." If his next move is something other than going to get a substitute, you might then say "OK, coach, I gave you a shot" and turn and walk away. If he continues calling after you (almost regardless of what he says), he may be earning a T at that point. If he complies and gets the substitute in, you might then say to the coach: "OK, you've got my full attention." If he is loud, remind him to lower his voice - this is a conversation only between the two of you. Etc. Examples like this could go on.

I do not presume to be able to handle coaches more effectively than others. I just have become convinced that it is important to be able to do so and now I'm working at that part of my responsibilities as I continue to pursue rules knowledge and improve mechanics. I hope you continue to do the same. Not only because it will make you a better, and more successful, official, but I'd like to also respectfully submit that it may even make you a happier official!

Best wishes.

The topic of dealing with coaches is one that pops up from time to time and I think we can all benefit from it. In a previous thread, we discussed the ideology that many times coaches just want to be heard. In these cases, a simple "I hear you coach" or "We'll look for it" or even a "We'll keep working hard for you" can go a long way to smooth the relationship between coaches and officials.

Communicating with coaches is something that I'm working on to improve. I think the pregame meeting in many ways can set the tone, from my experience. I think officials who say too much in the captains or the coaches meeting get themselves into trouble. Some of the comments I've heard such as, "We'll work really hard for you tonight," invite uncomplementary comments later. Also, discussing how certain play situations will be handled also are too binding and often come back to bite, for instance, "We'll try to talk you out of fouls," "We're gonna focus on handchecking," and "Don't expect a whistle if you initiate contact on a shot," are really bad things that I've heard said in pregames and have been used by players and coaches to impact the integrity of the crew.

A good communicating tactic that worked for me last Friday in a BV game, working with another young official I learned here. When the coach A had "questions" about the way team B played defense the last time they played, I included coach B in the discussion. It got across to coach A that even though we were young officials that he would not be able to work us and to coach B likewise that we would communicate with both coaches and that trying to work us in that way could backfire. As a result, not a peep out of either coach for the entire game.

I don't understand. Why would you measure this and how? If you give 2 Ts is it a good year? How about 20? Coaches like players earn what they get and whether I'm having a good year or not with the coaches has no bearing on how good of a season I've had. This isn't even something I want to measure. An unemotional/deserved T is something that is easy to forget.

Answerr legitimate questions and ignore comments.

Last summer in a meeting Joe Forte asked the Georgia Tech coach if he ever realized that a new ref doesn't respond because they don't know what to say. The coach never thought about it before and it made sense to him. It happens when someone is new or new at that level. It just takes time to reach the comfort zone.

Before discussing the coach communication, might I add a thought about the technical foul? I won't disagree with your assessment that it was unsportsmanlike behavior that, in some instances, should result in the foul. But, in your comments you even suggest that the floor slapping might have also been as a result of his own frustration for committing the silly foul. Could you have saved yourself by giving him the glare instead of the instant technical? Often, I can give the evil stare and a player will quickly offer an apology and say "I'm just mad at myself." Even if that's not entirely true, you've made your point and drawn the line so you're absoultely covered if he does it again. You can then take the opportunity to politely explain to the player and/or coach that essentially a "mulligan" has been issued.

This would have prevented you from immediately fouling out a player with back to back fouls. Again, I don't know the game situation; maybe the player had been troublesome during the contest and deserved it. I just wanted to add a little to your thought process in terms of game managing preventative officiating.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, but the problem rears its ugly head when, later on in the game, a player for the other team does something similar, or slightly worse, then you have set a precedent with a warning "look", so does that mean you owe this team a warning "look" as well? You paint yourself, and possibly your partner, into a corner with warnings sometimes.

It's hard to comment on specific situations when one has not been involved personally, but I will say this;
What has helped me tremendously is that I have learned the buzzwords and phrases, i.e. Disrespectful address, unsporting act, unsportsmanlike behavior, validity etc. Being able to define these phrases in my mind helped me decipher what should and should not be allowed and by having defined boundaries my communications with all entities has had a foundation.

Agreed smitty, but I, and most of the partners I work with, have no problem granting the same amnesty to the other side once as well. After that, nobody can complain when we start taking care of a problem that the players and coaches couldn't fix themselves. I think the problem would start if either side continued to do silly stuff after getting the free pass and we continued to issue the stern warnings. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Despite tomegun's metrics-based objections, I'd have to say that I'm having a pretty good year with coaches too. That's not something I measure in T's (I think I had two coach T's last year and probably have one this year). It's just something I have noticed. Last year I could expect to *have* to deal with a coach during most games. This year, very few coaches have gotten adversarial with me. To me, that's a good year.

Closely_guarded, I'll tell you two things I think have made the difference this year. One is a measure of self-confidence that I didn't have last year. Some of it is learning the speak the language. Some of it is time and experience. Some of it is feedback I've gotten in the off-season about my actual ability to officiate. Some of it is validation because I "moved up" this year.

Second, and probably more important, I realized that when a coach goes off it usually happens like an earthquake. A lot of pressure builds up, with no release, then it all goes at once. The longer the coach goes without relief, the bigger the release will be. So you want to communicate with coaches as often as they need it. Acknowledge that you hear them. Answer their legitimate questions. Let them vent a little. If you can have a bit of a laugh with them, do it. When it's appropriate, enlist them in settling down their players and getting the game under control. Don't let them abuse you, of course. As has been said, sometimes they're probing you to see where your line is: let them know. It's just business.

Be warned, sometimes it can all backfire. But I would rather learn a painful lesson from having tried and failed, than go year after year enduring the pains that come from not trying.

BTW, I would have T'd the coach for the name in the scorebook comment. It was a blatant attempt to threaten or intimidate you. Remember, your presence is required for the entire game. His is not. :)

Wow! Talk about some helpful replies. Thanks, guys. I'll just add a couple things, since I started all this......

1) As far as using the # of T's as a metric...yeah, that's probably not the greatest measure because a deserved T left uncalled such as I had the other night can cause you trouble. I guess what I was really thinking was my game management must not be entirely askew because I haven't had a lot of problems this year. The other night was definitely the exception (<10%) of how this year has gone. It's the occasional "problem" coach that I must handle better, and this discussion has really given me some tools to work on that.

2) bgtg19----thanks for the reminder on the 5th foul mechanic. Could've made a difference, or maybe not, but definitely I'll follow it next time.

I've found that 9 times out of 10, when I approach a player and tell him that now would be a good time for him to calm down, he does.

"32, I need you to take a second and calm down." I used that the other day in a very intense 8th grade boys game, and it worked well.
The glare has worked well, also, but the player has to be paying attention to this.
If you have a coach who is coaching the kids instead of critiquing the officiating, you can generally approach the coach quietly and say something to the effect of, "Coach, you might want to have 43 tone it down." He'll either know what's going on (from experience) or ask what he did.

Based on a game that I did today and a lesson that I learned, I disagree with this philosophy of passing on T'able offenses, although I understand the logic. In my BJV game it was an urban game between two of the roughest schools in the area. Game went smoothly until team A built a commanding lead in the 4th. Team B began getting frustrated and my partner had a holding foul against Team A, team B's player, out of frustration kind of swung his elbow late, we closed and passed on a potential T. On the last play of the game, team B player has a layup and we have a flagrant foul against A1 who just leveled him, and we were lucky to get in and control the situation before a fight broke out. I don't know, but maybe the T would've been a tone setter and we could've prevented the flagrant.

That struck me as funny for some reason. Not the type of funny where I would be upset just funny. I guess in my career field metrics has came up many times and to put it in a sentence about a post I made is "funny" to me. :D