fan/coach behavior

I would like to share an experience I had Saturday evening. I want to state first that I am still relatively new (approx 30 games) but have played and coached my whole life ( I am 45) and have a good feel for the game. As a current and past coach, I would also say I tend to let coaches vent more than most because I relate to them (provided they don't get personal).

On Saturday, an official got sick and I was asked to fill in in the evening. I had worked 4 games in the morning and agreed to do 4 more that night. In the last game, a 7th grade tournament championship game, the game was going smoothly, except for one outburst by the coach of the eventual losing team pertaining to our lack of calling 3 seconds on the opponent. During a timeout, I explained to him the rule pertaining to team control and the incident ended. I know many of you have stated on this forum that you have nights where you feel you are having a good game as well as bad. I was definitely tired, yet I felt I did a good job and I always hustle. At the conclusion of the game, two parents from the losing team approached me and started verbally berating me. They made statements like "you are terrible" and "you should never officiate another game in your life." I kept my calm surprisingly and told them that was there opinion and that I did my best. They then both said it wasn't good enough and continued to exhibit hostile behavior. I should mention my 11 year old son was standing next to me. I then walked away and was approached by countless parents who said they were way out of line and felt the game was fairly officiated. Once in the lobby, they came up again and started at which time I said, just get out of my face, I don't want to hear it anymore. I filed a complaint with the league, as they did, but once I got home and had time to reflect on the issue, I became more angry (however, I am glad I managed to maintain my cool there, since I believe I came across as the professional in this). But as I reflected back, I felt the coach should have intervened - he just stood there and listened without any attempt to control them. And my partner should have gotten more involved as well. I have heard all of the horror stories about parents and have seen it from the coaches perspective, but I have never had anyone talk to me the way these two did. And I suspect if we were out in the real world, they would never think of talking to me this way, since physically, I am over 6 ft tall and weigh about 190 and am in good shape and these two looked like they would have had a hard time kicking my sons butt! Anyone else have anything like this happen? Any helpful hints on dealing with this?

thanks

Mike L

[Back In The Saddle]

Walk away.

[TimTaylor]

I feel for you Mike - don't know what it is about youth sports, but some of the absolute worst examples of unsportsmanlike conduct I've seen on the part of coaches & spectators occurs at the GS/MS level. There are exceptions, but for the most part the coaches are typically parent volunteers with little or no training and minimal basic knowledge of the game. Parents are worse yet - with rare exceptions, most of them don't have a clue.

Best advice I can give you is to keep your cool & ingore them. Don't even acknowledge their existence, just turn and walk away - then file a written report of their behavior with the league. You did the right thing.

[gordon30307]

If a fan says to me "good job Ref" I thank them. If they give me a hard time I say "you have a good day too". If I were your partner I would have grabed your arm and pulled you out of harms way. Best advice is to Get out of Dodge" when the game is over. Ignore comments from Fans.

Also if a Coach is (for example) asking for a 3 second violation. My reply is (if I have to make one) I'll be sure to watch for it on both ends of the court. I usually don't give rules interpretations. And if he's really nasty I'll call one on his team.

[rainmaker]

Filing a complaint is about as much as you can do. These folks have major problems in their lives, and they're taking it out on you. That's easier than actually dealing with reality. Even if you were the worst ref they'd ever seen, and had completely ruined the game for everyone in the gym, they have no right to talk to you that way. As Padgett says, "Hey, leave me alone. I don't come into your place of business and unplug the Slurpee machine!" Okay, don't say that, but you're allowed to think it if you don't smirk. If they get through more than about two sentences, it's harassment, and your complaint to the league should be taken seriously. People like that have no place out in public.

[blindzebra]

Originally posted by MPLAHE
I would like to share an experience I had Saturday evening. I want to state first that I am still relatively new (approx 30 games) but have played and coached my whole life ( I am 45) and have a good feel for the game. As a current and past coach, I would also say I tend to let coaches vent more than most because I relate to them (provided they don't get personal).

On Saturday, an official got sick and I was asked to fill in in the evening. I had worked 4 games in the morning and agreed to do 4 more that night. In the last game, a 7th grade tournament championship game, the game was going smoothly, except for one outburst by the coach of the eventual losing team pertaining to our lack of calling 3 seconds on the opponent. During a timeout, I explained to him the rule pertaining to team control and the incident ended. I know many of you have stated on this forum that you have nights where you feel you are having a good game as well as bad. I was definitely tired, yet I felt I did a good job and I always hustle. At the conclusion of the game, two parents from the losing team approached me and started verbally berating me. They made statements like "you are terrible" and "you should never officiate another game in your life." I kept my calm surprisingly and told them that was there opinion and that I did my best. They then both said it wasn't good enough and continued to exhibit hostile behavior. I should mention my 11 year old son was standing next to me. I then walked away and was approached by countless parents who said they were way out of line and felt the game was fairly officiated. Once in the lobby, they came up again and started at which time I said, just get out of my face, I don't want to hear it anymore. I filed a complaint with the league, as they did, but once I got home and had time to reflect on the issue, I became more angry (however, I am glad I managed to maintain my cool there, since I believe I came across as the professional in this). But as I reflected back, I felt the coach should have intervened - he just stood there and listened without any attempt to control them. And my partner should have gotten more involved as well. I have heard all of the horror stories about parents and have seen it from the coaches perspective, but I have never had anyone talk to me the way these two did. And I suspect if we were out in the real world, they would never think of talking to me this way, since physically, I am over 6 ft tall and weigh about 190 and am in good shape and these two looked like they would have had a hard time kicking my sons butt! Anyone else have anything like this happen? Any helpful hints on dealing with this?

thanks

Mike L

Walk away, but I've always wanted to try this one.

When they are going off, just interupt them by saying, " Excuse me, but where do you work?" "Because on Monday morning I plan on coming in, and without any CLUE what you are doing or how you are supposed to do it, I'm going to yell how bad you suck at your job."

[TravelinMan]

I keep the local sheriff's office phone number on my cell phone. If it is a local game like yours, I deal with strangers approaching me after the game with hostile remarks by whipping out my cell phone and telling them I am calling the sheriff's office. It works wonders. Start dialing and watch how quickly they disperse. You do not have to take that crap from anyone including parents --it is against the law for them to harass you like that.

[refnrev]

Just remember, the younger the players the dumber the parents. They all know their little darlings will be in the NBS or WNBA someday.

[williebfree]

I recently had a MS Tourney that had a game similar to yours. As far as I could tell, we were calling a solid game.

Team A parent/"fan" on the baseline was vocal and getting increasingly chippy as the game advanced. Mid-way through the third quarter the parent had pushed me to my boiling pot. (Note: According to many officials, I am very thick-skinned.) After I called a blocking foul on his daughter, (Who had been beat to the hoop) the parent bellers, "Throw an elbow into her if she tries to get by you again!"

After reporting the foul, I approach the Team A coach and direct him to address the inappropriate and unsportsmanlike attitude of his fan. I specifically identified the problem "fan" (Red sweater, front row, etc...) (Note: this is the recommended procedure for this league. This is not how I would handle it in a school NFHS game.)

He states, "I will." and then sits down.

I clearly state to him that "the game will not continue until you address the fan, now."

The coach then realizes that I am serious about the request and slowly walks to the parent and states in an unconvincing manner, "The official wants you to be quiet." The fan remains silent.

As we walk back the the bench area, I tell the coach that any further comments from the parent will result in his fan's ejection from the gym and a team Technical.

The coach turned around and went back to the fan. I went to the table and directed one of the hostsite workers to get the site director to our court.

We resumed the game and it finished uneventfully as Team B pulled away and won by a 17 point margin.

As we were leaving the court a couple of other Team A parents approached us. I am thinking, "Oh Damn, here is more &*(*&%*."

They complimented us on our efforts on the court and said that this parent/"Fan" has been out of line all year and had not been "put in his spot" until now. They also said they hope more officials will do this (deal with his obnoxious behavior.)

I did submit a written synopsis of this incident to the league and am hopeful that they take a formal action to garner this fan's inappropriate behavior.

[ref18]

This is the problem in amateur sport today.

The parents think their kids are going to be the next stars, and everytime the kid does something wrong they need a scape goat. And what better scape goat then the one wearing the black and white shirt.

It's disgusting. Thankfully I really haven't had any experience dealing with post-game complaints yet (everyone who's approached me so far have given compliments), but I think I'd loose the professionalism if you choose to berate me after my work is done.

[TravelinMan]

Originally posted by TravelinMan
I keep the local sheriff's office phone number on my cell phone. If it is a local game like yours, I deal with strangers approaching me after the game with hostile remarks by whipping out my cell phone and telling them I am calling the sheriff's office. It works wonders. Start dialing and watch how quickly they disperse. You do not have to take that crap from anyone including parents --it is against the law for them to harass you like that.

By the way, this has worked very well for me on at least 2 occasions. I guarantee you will not feel frustrated and regret not taking stronger action. It will make you feel good about yourself. It will also prevent situations like this occurring in the future as you will get the reputation as "the ref with the sheriff's number".

[Meggies_Human]

Yesterday, had a 6th grade AAU game. (It was a tournament, where games are spread 1:20 apart)It was a foul-filled game between two teams who just weren't very polished, because they had coaches who weren't very polished. At one point, I whacked both coaches in the same stoppage and nearly dumped the first coach later. After the game, which ended 20 minutes later than it should have, first coach comes to the table as I was signing the score sheet, leans over towards me and says "Just a guess, butyou never played the game, did you?" Without looking up, I said "Just a guess, but you'd better get away from me right now." Saw him during the second game out in the hallway, working the site manager. Some people understand that we really are responsible for their team losing by 17, huh?

[ref18]

I say if you're going to give the officials **** then give it to them both ways.

If you're going to blame the referees for costing your team the game, then you better be kissing their asses and thanking them for helping their team to victory. I know that's never going to happen

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by Meggies_Human
first coach says "Just a guess, butyou never played the game, did you?" Without looking up, I said "Just a guess, but you'd better get away from me right now."

Welcome to the forum, Meggies.

I hate to be negative as soon as you get here, but your response to that coach could easily and reasonably construed as a threat of physical violence. If the coach was "working" the site director b/c of your comment, I wouldn't be surprised if you had been dismissed for the remainder of the day.

It's never a good idea to threaten people, but especially when you're on the court. Regardless of how stupid and/or obnoxious a coach/player/fan is, officials have to refrain from making statements that could get them in trouble.

As always, JMO.

[ref18]

Originally posted by ref18
I say if you're going to give the officials **** then give it to them both ways.

If you're going to blame the referees for costing your team the game, then you better be kissing their asses and thanking them for helping their team to victory. I know that's never going to happen

Hey this software isn't censoring out asses. That's wierd because it will censor out ***.

I guess we can say, those coaches were acting like real asses. Instead of that coach acted like a stupid ***.