Being young sucks

[mick]

Originally posted by belcantor
If you are working the same teams on a regular basis, learn names and use them for both coaches and players.

John,
I cannot do that in clear conscience.
All Coaches are named coach and all players are numbers, no matter how long I have known them.
I have made some exceptions above high school.
mick

[CYO Butch]

I can't believe no one mentioned presence !

On the serious side, this is where presence really counts. As a coach who is more than 3 times your age, with two of my own three kids older than you, I can offer some of my own advice to supplement what Hawks Coach has said. As a person, you are in a transitional stage in life, going from childhood into fully responsible adulthood. Your own relationships with adults are evolving. In simple terms, you moving from Child (you) /Parent (grownups) relationships to Adult/Adult relationships. Unfortunately, that is never easy. "Grownups" have a hard time entering into the new relationship and seeing a teenager in those terms - as adults. Likewise, teenagers are still exploring their own revised role. Now, throw basketball officiating into the mix, and we have some pretty difficult adjustments all around.

Here's what I see as compounding problems.
1. Most coaches maintain Parent/Child relationships with their players. They then see you physically as someone not too different from their players. It makes it difficult for them to modify their behavior to deal with you as an adult.
2. The relationships between officials and coaches are very complicated. My take is that good officials are able to maintain Adult/Adult relationships with coaches. They show mutual respect for each other's responsibilities and don't need to use power in their dealings with each other. Conversely, when coaches start acting like children, less experienced or accomplished officials start treating them that way. This results in a Parent/Child relationship between them, something that will always be resented.

At your age, you don't have a whole lot of experience in Adult/Adult relationships, particularly with people who are significantly older than you. I'm not saying you don't have those relationships - you clearly do - only that its not really old hat to you yet. Just as importantly, most of your experience is in the Parent/Child relationships, with you as the child. Now, when someone starts behaving like a Child, my guess is that you tend to move into the Parent role very quickly in order to try to maintain control. As an official, you have a position of power in the game, so you are able to establish this role. You may only do it in reaction to behavior from the coach, but I it seems very likely that you do it. All your calls may be right, your appearance may be perfect, all your mechanics may be crisp, etc., but if you find yourself having to exercise your authority through the power of your role, you will have coaches who will resent you. You will also have fellow officials who may think you are all kinds of things.

The bottom line is that I recommend you work conciously to stay in the Adult/Adult relationship with coaches, even when they start acting like children. The best way to prove yourself is to not let anyone know that you think you need to prove yourself, but also realize you don't have to prove yourself by establishing your power position. Really proving yourself will be when you can manage to keep everything Adult/Adult for the entire game, game after game.

This is just some food for thought, and good luck!

[Adam]

Good words, Coach. It reminds me of something I learned regarding the presidential veto. The really effective presidents (and governors) don't have to use their veto very often because they are able to affect the discourse and debate before it gets to that point.