Diminutives at Work

[rainmaker]

It's that time of year, when I drag out the notebook, and plow through past games, mulling over various situations, to see what lessons I have learned, and what still needs work. Here's a question I haven't come up with a solution for.

There is a place in the very limited conversation we have with players, for a word known as an "endearment" or a "diminutive".

The place is when you need to say something that will take some of the heat out of the exchange. I have been trying to say things like, "you have to keep your arms straight up" with this extra word, and the right tone of voice, so that it is helpful and not adversarial. Many endearments are way too familiar, such as "honey", "baby" or "sweetie." Especially with players of the opposite gender, these are completely out of place. With girls I occasionally use "hon" or "peach." With boys, I've been saying, "son". I have found this to be helpful overall, and gives me a certain rapport with the players. It seems to help them see me less as a harsh legalist and more as an interested adult.

However, in one game when I said "son" to a player he got huffy and said, "I'm not your son!" I was surprised, because no one had taken offense before, and I wasn't sure how to respond. So here's the question... Should I stop saying it entirely? Should I be more sensitive to who might take offense (the kid that was upset was black, I'm white -- did that matter?)? If I do keep using it, and I get this response again, how could (should) I address the issue with that particular kid?