Diminutives at Work

[rainmaker]

It's that time of year, when I drag out the notebook, and plow through past games, mulling over various situations, to see what lessons I have learned, and what still needs work. Here's a question I haven't come up with a solution for.

There is a place in the very limited conversation we have with players, for a word known as an "endearment" or a "diminutive".

The place is when you need to say something that will take some of the heat out of the exchange. I have been trying to say things like, "you have to keep your arms straight up" with this extra word, and the right tone of voice, so that it is helpful and not adversarial. Many endearments are way too familiar, such as "honey", "baby" or "sweetie." Especially with players of the opposite gender, these are completely out of place. With girls I occasionally use "hon" or "peach." With boys, I've been saying, "son". I have found this to be helpful overall, and gives me a certain rapport with the players. It seems to help them see me less as a harsh legalist and more as an interested adult.

However, in one game when I said "son" to a player he got huffy and said, "I'm not your son!" I was surprised, because no one had taken offense before, and I wasn't sure how to respond. So here's the question... Should I stop saying it entirely? Should I be more sensitive to who might take offense (the kid that was upset was black, I'm white -- did that matter?)? If I do keep using it, and I get this response again, how could (should) I address the issue with that particular kid?

[Jurassic Referee]

When i saw the "thread heading", I thought that this might be a compendium of Chuck Elias' greatest games.

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee
When i saw the "thread heading", I thought that this might be a compendium of Chuck Elias' greatest games.

Chuck -- Are you going to take that sitting down!?!?

Oh, I see, you're not...

[rpirtle]

I stay away from those types of references completely. However, like you, I also attempt to take some of the edge off when BRIEFLY interacting with players. But I try to do this with my tone, eye contact, and body language. When I speak to a player I make eye contact and keep my tone even and as soft as possible. And I keep my arms at my side so as to not appear defensive or closed off (unless I'm demonstrating what the player did wrong, as in your example). I usually never volunteer the information but wait for a player to ask (respectfully) for a clarification of my call. But I don't add the "term of endearment" at the end. Not that I feel it is necessarily wrong. I'm sure there are officials out there that can do that quite well. It's just not my style.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally posted by rainmaker

Chuck -- Are you going to take that sitting down!?!?

Oh, I see, you're not...

Yup, I liked that one!

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally posted by rpirtle
I stay away from those types of references completely. However, like you, I also attempt to take some of the edge off when BRIEFLY interacting with players. But I try to do this with my tone, eye contact, and body language. When I speak to a player I make eye contact and keep my tone even and as soft as possible. And I keep my arms at my side so as to not appear defensive or closed off (unless I'm demonstrating what the player did wrong, as in your example). I usually never volunteer the information but wait for a player to ask (respectfully) for a clarification of my call. But I don't add the "term of endearment" at the end. Not that I feel it is necessarily wrong. I'm sure there are officials out there that can do that quite well. It's just not my style.

That saved me a bunch o' writing. I pretty much agree with everything that was said above. Of course, I am talking about the high school level. Above that, you will probably be interacting with the players and coaches in a completely different manner.

[zebraman]

One of my first girls games ever I was administering a free throw and I said, "two shots ladies." After the game, the evaluator got all over me.

His input was, "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men. We ref players. If you just use the term players, it'll make life easier." It's always worked for me. If I need to get the attention of a particular player, I just say their number. "Hey thirty-two, please tuck your shirt in."

Z

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by zebraman
One of my first girls games ever I was administering a free throw and I said, "two shots ladies." After the game, the evaluator got all over me.

His input was, "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men. We ref players. If you just use the term players, it'll make life easier." It's always worked for me. If I need to get the attention of a particular player, I just say their number. "Hey thirty-two, please tuck your shirt in."

Z

I don't like "two shots, ladies" either. (And neither does my husband!) In general, I use the number as well. But there is a time when that just doesn't work. Player is frustrated with herself for another block call, I like to say something to take some of the heat out, such as, "You're almost there, just a half-second sooner." Sometimes, it works without a direct address. But there are times when adding the personal touch helps, I think. Not too personal, is definitely important, and in the situation where the kid was annoyed with me, I obviously got too personal. But most kids don't seem to take it that way. It just got me wondering whether there's a way to gain that little advantage without also having the disadvantage.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally posted by rainmaker
[/B]

Player is frustrated with herself for another block call, I like to say something to take some of the heat out, such as, "You're almost there, just a half-second sooner." Sometimes, it works without a direct address.

[/B][/QUOTE]I think that most of the time it'll work without adding a direct address. Just add #32 or whatever to what you said above, and I really can't see any problem.

What would you say if someone that you called "Son" started calling you "Mom"? And what could you say to him then? That's one of the reasons that I try to keep away from calling any player anything but #x.

[mick]

Originally posted by Jurassic Referee
I try to keep away from calling any player anything but #x.

Hmmm.
JR,
That's slightly offensive in some cases.
How 'bout #n instead?
mick

[ChuckElias]

If JR hadn't made the joke, I would've. It was, of course, the first thought that popped into my head as well.

But as to the substance of the post, I refrain from endearments. I say "sir", "gentlemen", and "ladies". When addressing one particular girl, I do not use any endearment at all, simply the number.

As far as "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men. We ref players", I'm sorry, but that guy has a stick up his butt. If you can't be polite and respectful by saying "gentlemen", then something is wrong. Seriously, what was that guy's beef? If you're not comfortable with it, then fine I guess. But "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men"? Um, yes we do. What's the point of refusing to recognize that?

Originally posted by rainmaker
If I do keep using it, and I get this response again, how could (should) I address the issue with that particular kid?

Let's say you ask the kid to go get the ball after it has rolled away, and he replies like that. You say, "You're right. You're not my son. I apologize. Now go get the ball". Don't call him "son" anymore, but don't let him get out of what you asked him to do.

[nine01c]

I hate it when my partner has players lined up for foul shots and he goes through this obnoxious verbiage such as "One and one, let the ball hit the rim, ladies, play the ball on the missed shot, ladies, yada, yada, yada." I hate the instructions and I hate the "ladies" part. Usually these guys have a tedious captains' meeting that makes you want to gag with a spoon (Any teammate have asthma, diabetes, CRF, COPD, constipation?- give me a break).

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

Originally posted by ChuckElias
If JR hadn't made the joke, I would've. It was, of course, the first thought that popped into my head as well.

But as to the substance of the post, I refrain from endearments. I say "sir", "gentlemen", and "ladies". When addressing one particular girl, I do not use any endearment at all, simply the number.

As far as "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men. We ref players", I'm sorry, but that guy has a stick up his butt. If you can't be polite and respectful by saying "gentlemen", then something is wrong. Seriously, what was that guy's beef? If you're not comfortable with it, then fine I guess. But "we don't ref girls or ladies or boys or men"? Um, yes we do. What's the point of refusing to recognize that?

Let's say you ask the kid to go get the ball after it has rolled away, and he replies like that. You say, "You're right. You're not my son. I apologize. Now go get the ball". Don't call him "son" anymore, but don't let him get out of what you asked him to do.

Chuck, I agree with you 100% regarding the use of "ladies" and "gentlemen." When I was playing basketball in high school I was impressed by an official who addressed us as "gentlemen." When I became an official I joined the Trumbull Co. Bkb. Off. Assn. and discovered that this official was the sectretary/treasurer of the association.

When game officials use good manners and treat the participants as ladies and gentlemen they are sending everybody a message concerning good manners and good sportsmanship.

[Mark Padgett]

Juulie - let me answer in the context of what I would prefer in my rec league, since you will be working that in a month or so, and I will be retiring from officiating at the end of that schedule in March.

I have no objection at all to using the term "ladies" when addressing a group of female players. To address an individual player, use their number, or if you feel you have tone them down a bit, call them "young lady".

For boys, you can use "gentlemen" to a group, but it's also fine to use "guys". To an individual, try "dude". Personally, I don't like the term "son". I think it sounds condescending.

Of course, I have been known to call a player "Beavis".

[Edited by Mark Padgett on Nov 1st, 2003 at 08:18 PM]

[BktBallRef]

"You have to keep your arms straight up, partner."

Works for me. I also have no problem with "ladies," "gentlemen," or "men."