Has a player ever called you by your first name?

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Josh1993

Season is almost over, but of course something new just had to come up so I'm asking you for advice once again:

Warming up for the boy's JV game and the scorer's table is trying to get the game ball to me. They hand the ball to a player who calls "Josh!" and when I turn around he passes me the ball.

I shot him a look and replied, "Thank you, number 15!"

He knew what I meant right away. "Oops. Sorry, Ref."

Has this ever happened to you, and what have you done about it?

There is not a single player I officiate who knows my first name. I'm not from here (brought here by the military), neither of my kids play(ed) HS basketball, and any kid in the neighborhood knows me as Mr. LastName.

[JRutledge]

If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

[mtn335]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

I'll totally use a first name with a player, if I know it. If it's a senior captain I've watched for 4 years, and I need his help ("Hey, Sam, talk to 23 for me, he's close to a T and he's not listening to me") this is going to be WAY more effective. Building relationships with players that can be helpful to both of us is one of my favorite things about being a varsity basketball official.

There's no particularly strong tradition of verbal forms of address in basketball. In soccer, amateur players are expected to call the Referee "Sir"; failing to do so IS a sign of disrespect, but only because it's a "failure to act in the expected mode of respect." That's just not a thing in basketball, at least not here in Washington. "Come on, Ref" in the wrong tone and with some flailing arms is far more disrespectful than "Hey Nathan, why's that a travel?" in my book.

If a player pays enough attention to know my first name, well, more power to 'em. I introduce myself by it every game.

[BillyMac]

I've always introduced my self using both my first, and last, names. "Hi, I'm Bill M...". Anybody can use either name to address me. In thirty-first years, I've never had a player call me any name other than, "Ref". Coaches either call me "Ref", "Bill", "Billy", or "Mac".

I actually prefer Billy, or Mac, nicknames I was called called in high school. On the basketball court I was called "Big Mac". Six feet tall was considered big back then.

[Josh1993]

Originally Posted by mtn335

I'll totally use a first name with a player, if I know it. If it's a senior captain I've watched for 4 years, and I need his help ("Hey, Sam, talk to 23 for me, he's close to a T and he's not listening to me") this is going to be WAY more effective. Building relationships with players that can be helpful to both of us is one of my favorite things about being a varsity basketball official.

That sounds like great advice! Mind if I copy you and do that myself?

[scrounge]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

I agree...I don't get all offended if a colleague introduces the crew by first name or if a kid says it (to date, no one ever has). But I am generally not on a first name basis with minors and won't be introducing myself to them as if we are equals. It's not arrogant or narcissistic or any other silly characterization - it's just my preference. YMMV.

[SD Referee]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

Wow!!!!!!

So are you saying that you don't respond to any children that call you by your first name or your own children?

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by SD Referee

Wow!!!!!!

So are you saying that you don't respond to any children that call you by your first name or your own children?

I do not respond to people that I feel are being disrespectful. I come from an age and honestly a culture where that is not OK. If that bothers you, that is not my problem. And we are not even talking about a situation that is a social setting where there might be modifications to that. I work in my business and I call people by their last name unless they are very specifically giving me permission to call them by their first name. If they are of a certain age that still is hard for me to do because that is what I taught to show respect.

Peace

[VaTerp]

If we are going to say that adults who have teenagers and minors address them by their last names are a-holes, self absorbed, and/or narcissists whose self worth crumbles when children address them by their first name then I'm going to say that adults who allow teenagers and minors to call them by their first name are immature, low self-esteem, losers who crave the attention and the social acceptance of children.

Ignorant generalizations can cut both ways.

Personally, I do not allow players or other children to call me just by my first name. But It's not a big deal really. And the only time I really think about it is when its brought up on this forum.

My view was shaped by the way I was raised, and probably more significantly, its what I prefer based on my experiences that include coaching HS basketball, running youth sports leagues and other recreation programs, and being a HS classroom teacher in my early, mid, and late 20s. At the time it made me feel old to be called Coach or Mr. "my last name" so I was usually called Mr. "last initial." When I coached I was in my early 20s and I think some of the players may have referred to me as Coach "first name and one of my 7 year daughter's friends refers to me now as Mr. "first name."

In the grand scheme of things I don't give this much thought but my personal opinion is that kids are not my peers and there are some boundaries, expectations, and structures that adults should have in their interactions with kids, which includes how we are addressed. That's for me and my kids. If others have varying opinions that's all well and good and I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

We do are captain's and coaches meetings separately here in VA. I hear some partners introduce themselves by their first names and some as Mr. so and so. Me, I don't say my name at all. I don't see the need.

Again, at the end of the day this is a personal choice that is not all that important to me. But some of the generalizations that are always made when this topic comes up here are just silly.

[SD Referee]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I do not respond to people that I feel are being disrespectful. I come from an age and honestly a culture where that is not OK. If that bothers you, that is not my problem. And we are not even talking about a situation that is a social setting where there might be modifications to that. I work in my business and I call people by their last name unless they are very specifically giving me permission to call them by their first name. If they are of a certain age that still is hard for me to do because that is what I taught to show respect.

Peace

I'm not bothered by it. I just find it hard to believe that you or anybody else feels like they are being disrespected when someone calls them by their first name. We, you and I both included, are not that important.

So if a child that hasn't learned what you deem to be "respect" and calls you by your first name, how do you react? I just don't see it as that big of a deal. None of us are that important and I don't need the ego boost.

[Kansas Ref]

Although in pre-game conf with team captains and coaches, I have introduced the crew by first names---during the game coaches and players have always called me "ref".
I'd be surprised if they even rem'berd my first name--let alone if they remembered anything at all that I told them in our 10 second pre-game conf.

[deecee]

Originally Posted by Kansas Ref

Although in pre-game conf with team captains and coaches, I have introduced the crew by first names---during the game coaches and players have always called me "ref".
I'd be surprised if they even rem'berd my first name--let alone if they remembered anything at all that I told them in our 10 second pre-game conf.

+1. Coaches will address me by my first name, players have no clue really.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by SD Referee

I'm not bothered by it. I just find it hard to believe that you or anybody else feels like they are being disrespected when someone calls them by their first name. We, you and I both included, are not that important.

So if a child that hasn't learned what you deem to be "respect" and calls you by your first name, how do you react? I just don't see it as that big of a deal. None of us are that important and I don't need the ego boost.

I did not say anything about disrespected, I said it is disrespectful. There is kind of a difference and one that fits my values. I do not put children on the same level as adults. Just like when I was in school I called the professors, "Professor Johnson" as opposed to "Robert" who I might have known them by their first name because in some cases I knew them personally because of what my mom did. I always showed them respect for their position and did not cross that line.

Again, if you want to go around letting kids call you by your first name, go ahead. But as someone said I really do not have to think about these issues because it appears that other seem to feel the same way and do not call adults by their first names where I officiate. But again we have a lot of parents and adults that think they need to be the "friends" of children. But that is a bigger issue than this one we are discussing now.

Peace

[Rich]

Yup, my instincts were right. Same posts, different month.

[johnny d]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

There is not a single player I officiate who knows my first name. I'm not from here (brought here by the military), neither of my kids play(ed) HS basketball, and any kid in the neighborhood knows me as Mr. LastName.

It is convenient that your last name is LastName, seems pretty easy to remember.