Wisdom needed

[DRJ1960]

Gentlemen,
I am in need of wisdom.
BV 3 man... late in game ... ball goes OB to a fan. I motion for the ball and he throws it to my partner... I laugh and say "I guess he thinks you are better looking" to my partner.

A few moments later we are preparing for foul shots at the same end of the court. I am at half court opposite table, our 3rd man is reporting tableside and my partner is standing in "C". I motion (as we routinely do) for him to move down to administer the throws. He refuses to go and says for me to. I trot past and, while smiling, say "Don't want to leave the fan club?"

I am a grown man and realize it doesn't matter what I intended. My hope is that someone can explain why those two comments (as far as I am able to tell, we were fine up to that point... this was not our first game together) caused him to explode. I really thought he was going to get physical while screaming at me in the locker room post game.

Any wisdom would be appreciated. I will answer questions but have zero intention to insult, demean or otherwise put down my partner.

[BlueDevilRef]

I would chalk it up to him taking something out of context. I would wait a few days, contact him, hat in hand and ask if he would explain why those comments upset him. Might be he heard you wrong. Might be he does not like any goofy stuff during varsity play. Might be he is simply a jerk. Never know until you ask, polite and professionally. I would not try to buddy/buddy that conversation

[jpgc99]

I think we need some additional information. What was he screaming about? I can't guess what made him mad, but the words he used should give us an idea...

Wtf happened here? Do you know this guy personally? Was he standoffish before the game at all? When you motioned for him to move down why did he refuse? Were you doing the correct switch mechanic? So you were Trail and he was Lead and your 3rd called a shooting foul from C?

[grunewar]

I like to think I have a sense of humor, am a bit sarcastic, and can be a little quick with the smart remark at times. Some people like it others maybe not so much.

Over the many yrs, sometimes my humor, or attempt humor, may not have been understood or received well, was misunderstood, or could be construed as offensive or off-putting.

We all need to be careful how we engage co-workers, friends, players, fans, coaches, partners, etc. During the wrong time or at the wrong moment, when someone is concentrating or serious, comments may not be taken as intended. Sometimes I/we just swing and miss.

[Smitty]

Something just doesn't smell right about this - there has to be something missing from the story. Based on what the OP wrote, the 2 comments do not make sense with the result. There's some (maybe a lot of) context missing.

[JRutledge]

I am very confused by this story. What was the yelling in the locker room about? What was being said?

It had to be more than just a comment or two.

Peace

[j51969]

Originally Posted by DRJ1960

Gentlemen,
I am in need of wisdom.
BV 3 man... late in game ... ball goes OB to a fan. I motion for the ball and he throws it to my partner... I laugh and say "I guess he thinks you are better looking" to my partner.

A few moments later we are preparing for foul shots at the same end of the court. I am at half court opposite table, our 3rd man is reporting tableside and my partner is standing in "C". I motion (as we routinely do) for him to move down to administer the throws. He refuses to go and says for me to. I trot past and, while smiling, say "Don't want to leave the fan club?"

I am a grown man and realize it doesn't matter what I intended. My hope is that someone can explain why those two comments (as far as I am able to tell, we were fine up to that point... this was not our first game together) caused him to explode. I really thought he was going to get physical while screaming at me in the locker room post game.
Any wisdom would be appreciated. I will answer questions but have zero intention to insult, demean or otherwise put down my partner.

Like others I feel something is missing. However, we all have jobs during the day. Quite possible he had something transpire recently that had him all messed up. You may have just been the outlet for his frustration.

[Mark Padgett]

I had a coach yell at me once for something I said to him during a game and I still can't understand why he didn't realize it was just a joke. The ball went OOB and I went and picked it up. He asked, "Whose ball is it?" I looked down at the ball and replied, "Some kid named Wilson."

[Rich]

I have never been a part of a locker room confrontation, although some that know me would be surprised considering one of my games (that lives on and on and on and on). No matter how mad I've gotten, I've just gotten dressed and gotten out.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by Rich

I've just gotten dressed and gotten out.

If you continue to do it in that order, you'll never get any hot moms.

[packersowner]

Originally Posted by j51969

However, we all have jobs during the day. Quite possible he had something transpire recently that had him all messed up. You may have just been the outlet for his frustration.

Well said!

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Rich

I have never been a part of a locker room confrontation, although some that know me would be surprised considering one of my games (that lives on and on and on and on). No matter how mad I've gotten, I've just gotten dressed and gotten out.

Me neither, and I have a temper. I just don't think anything that happens while officiating would be worth me losing my temper.

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

Me neither, and I have a temper. I just don't think anything that happens while officiating would be worth me losing my temper.

So true. 27 years and only lost my temper once in locker room (believe me, it was warranted with what partner was saying to coach about our 3rd).

I think maybe the fan was being a complete ass about DRJ1960, and partner was trying to protect DRJ19060, so DRJ's comment about the fan club just pissed partner off. A quick "Hey, I was just kidding around. I didn't mean anything by it" should have been enough to calm the guy down. If that doesn't work, follow Rich's order of locker room procedure.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by rockyroad

...
I think maybe the fan was being a complete ass about DRJ1960, ....

I'd be interested to know which school DRJ was at. His association refs a group a schools in my area. I immediately had one school pop in my head where a few of the male coaches from the school's other sports teams sit on the first row near where the C would be for free throws. They are a bunch of a-holes during the games.