How to deal with stupid dad?

jumpmaster · #1 (**permalink**) Fri Jun 07, 2002, 07:47pm

The "Stupid Dad" thread and some actions that occurred during one of my games have prompted this thread:

How do you guys deal with the nagging parent? You know which one, the one who sits outside the fence and constantly complains about everything and anything you do. I have heard everything from ignore it to have the coach fix it. If you can successfully ignore them, how are you doing it? If you are having the coaches/administrators handle it, what is your basis for this?

My experience and training has been, at best, minimal in dealing with this. Teach me oh wise ones!

PeteBooth · #2 (**permalink**) Fri Jun 07, 2002, 10:08pm

Originally posted by jumpmaster

The "Stupid Dad" thread and some actions that occurred during one of my games have prompted this thread:

How do you guys deal with the nagging parent? You know which one, the one who sits outside the fence and constantly complains about everything and anything you do. I have heard everything from ignore it to have the coach fix it. If you can successfully ignore them, how are you doing it? If you are having the coaches/administrators handle it, what is your basis for this?

My experience and training has been, at best, minimal in dealing with this. Teach me oh wise ones!

It happened once during a LL game a few years back. It was my 4th game of the day behind the dish (not uncommon in LL where umpires are scarce). It was hot and I know we are not suppossed to address fans, but as mentioned I was hot and had enough of this parent heckling me from the onset.

Rather then get angry or say something negative, I simply walked over to the fence and said to this parent:

"you know you are right, I am terrible today and IMO you can call a better game than me anyday. It's hot and I sure could use a nice cold glass of lemonade about now so I'll tell you what. You can borrow my equipment or I'm certain we have some upstairs that will fit you. I could use the rest, so I'll sit down and watch you."

This parent all of sudden became silent. I didn't hear a peep out of him the rest of the game. In fact, after the game was over, not that I cared or anything, he said Good Game Blue.

Don't know if this will work all the time or not, but as mentioned, I was hot, tired, etc. from a very long day and at that point didn't care.

Generally, speaking it's best to ignore the fans and if they become unruly, let either the coach handle or if this is a LL game, let a BOD member handle.

Pete Booth

spillguy · #3 (**permalink**) Fri Jun 07, 2002, 11:30pm

Heard this story from a district umpire about a partner he worked with a couple of seasons ago.

Dad is in the stands chippig the strike zone constantly. PU finally calls time and calmly walks through the dugout and into the stands. Blue sits down next to the dad in the bleachers and yells "pitch". Pitcher throws...."Strike". "Pitch"...."Strike 2". "Pitch"...."Strike 3". PU then calmly turns to dad and says "You ARE right, you have a much better angle from here than I do behind the plate".

Dad becomes mute.

Could be urban legend, but I like it.

mick · #4 (**permalink**) Sat Jun 08, 2002, 06:35am

Quote:

Originally posted by jumpmaster
The "Stupid Dad" thread and some actions that occurred during one of my games have prompted this thread:

How do you guys deal with the nagging parent? You know which one, the one who sits outside the fence and constantly complains about everything and anything you do. I have heard everything from ignore it to have the coach fix it. If you can successfully ignore them, how are you doing it? If you are having the coaches/administrators handle it, what is your basis for this?

My experience and training has been, at best, minimal in dealing with this. Teach me oh wise ones!

jumpmaster,
I try to make eye contact with the offender.
9 of 10 times, once they know you have located them they'll quiet down.
The 10th time may require a stroll to the fence and a polite question like,

"Is my zone moving?"

"Am I too low?"

"Did you notice how deep the batter was?"
mick

(what is jumpmaster? do you "chute"?)

jicecone · #5 (**permalink**) Sat Jun 08, 2002, 09:33am

I have actually walked over to the fence in between innings and made light of the fact. "Hey sir, dont you know Im a sensitive type of guy. Why are you yelling at me?" This can backfire and you have to know when to leave it alone but for the most part a little humor and discussion to follow, usually solves the problem.

Sometimes people will actually backoff if you establish some type of one-one relationship on a friendly basis. I often try the positive side first. Then if the problem persists. Well I just ask the problems to go home.
This seldomly happens.

Remember that "Stupid Dad" actully thinks your the stupid one. Take the smart non-antagonistic, non-confrontational approach and I bet most of the time the results will be favorable. Work for me!

brandda · #6 (**permalink**) Sat Jun 08, 2002, 10:41am

We have flyers posted around the field asking for people to sign up as volunteer umpires. When I have the situation you describe, I will usually ask someone I know who is watching the game (board member, coach, wife, whatever...) to politely walk over to the offender and say to him:

"Say you seem like someone who knows his baseball. Would you be interested in becoming an umpire?" Then they hand him a flyer. That tends to quiet them down pretty quickly.

The one that amazes me is we have one guy in our league who is an umpire himself and when he comes to games he is the worst of anyone. I asked him about it one day when we crewed together, and he told me that he thought antagonizing the umpires was part of the fun of watching the game. And this when he was about to take the field as an umpire himself! Go figure. I don't crew with him anymore.

GarthB · #7 (**permalink**) Sat Jun 08, 2002, 10:57am

At the youth level, ignore him unless he is addressing the players and becoming a distraction to their play. If he is, ask the appropriate coach or authority to address the issue.

At all levels higher, ignore him. Your job is to see that the game is called with equal regard to the rules for both sides. Your game is on the field, not the stands. If you're bothered to the point of losing your concentration by someone showing their ignorance, you have the wrong avocation.

snrmike · #8 (**permalink**) Mon Jun 10, 2002, 10:17am

Very good approach Dave!

I had a similar situation a few years back during a PONY tourney. The only difference in my case was that the "pain" was actually being very pleasant and polite. It didn't make him any less of a pain, it just was easier to have a friendly banter goin' with him. (Not normally recommended!)

At one point he groaned and made a reference to how much he knew about the rules ("Blue, I'm not tryin' ta show ya up but...").

When the half inning ended, I approached the fence - very calmly - and said, "Sir, I also noticed how savvy you are with the rules, We need guys like you to help out around here. We'd also need you during the High School season too! Just stop by the concession stand after this game, and the UIC will give you a number for the State Association and his phone number."

You know, the guy was so freaked out that he stayed quiet for the rest of the time his son's team stayed in contention, and we never saw him again. Too bad though, I really felt that this guy, and his gift of gab could've worked out to be a fine official some day.

Oh well! It stopped the his heckling, but the UIC actually got 3 other inquiries from my conversation!

Jerry · #9 (**permalink**) Mon Jun 10, 2002, 12:14pm

I'm being facetious, but how about tossing the guy's kid from the game? That way they'd both have to leave the park and you're done with it.

In reality though . . . unless the guy is working the crowd into a frenzy, intimidating the opponents or making threatening comments, just leave the jerk alone. Chances are, the crowd itself will quiet the idiot down. If not, it's up to the home team's administration to maintain control. (Even if it's the opponents fan by the way.) If the field becomes "unsafe" (due to the parent's yelling) to continue the contest, forfeit the game to the Visitors and go home.

bluezebra · #10 (**permalink**) Mon Jun 10, 2002, 02:56pm

You don't forfeit the game and go home. You have the home team or game management remove the jerk from the area, and don't resume play until then. If he refuses to leave, you suspend the game and report it to the league or tournament director. Also report it to your assignor and association BOD.

Bob

jumpmaster · #11 (**permalink**) Thu Jun 13, 2002, 09:13am

The other day I am working a 14-15 year old game. 1-0 count, no outs, pitcher throws a curveball that breaks into the dirt, cathcher drops to his knees to stop, BUT, it does break all the way across the plate. Normally, this is a ball for me. I called it a strike. One of the parents starts screaming bend your back blue! If you would bend your back you could see that pitch!

I came real close to turning around, bending over with my head between my legs and saying "By golly, you can see better this way!" I chickened out though and couldn't go through with it.

joemoore · #12 (**permalink**) Thu Jun 13, 2002, 12:47pm

Ignoring it is usually the best approach. If I can't tune him out, I try to answer the guy to myself in my mind -- (I was in the right position, it looked like the tag was made, I called him out.) Or sometimes -- (Damn, I should've gotten in better position, I'm not sure whether he got the tag down or not.) Just be careful not to dwell on it because then you can mess up the count or miss something else.

When I was learning, I thought it was my duty to make everyone on the field and stands agree with me. If a coach disagreed with my call, and still disagreed after I explained the rule, I would become frustrated and launch him.

Once I realized that I had authority to make rulings, and they have the right to disgree and be wrong (or protest and prove me wrong) it was easier for me to avoid getting flustered.

As for judgement calls, all you can do is try to get into position and call what you see. On close plays, half the people there will disagree anyway. Once I accepted the fact that I wasn't perfect, it was easier for me to deal with the disagreements.

[Edited by joemoore on Jun 14th, 2002 at 09:49 AM]