Wilson titanium mask

[L.A. Umpire Guy]

I bought my son the i phone for his 18th birthday. My stepmother was aghast, because she's astoundingly stingy, and feels that everyone she knows should do without a lot of cool things like my dad does.

I told her that the very first time my son drove 45 miles from home to play a ballgame, he consulted Google Maps in order to avoid making a wrong turn in a tricky and hazardous area (of which there are many in L.A.). Good Lord, just that was worth a ton. When you have an 18-year-old traversing the L.A. freeways at night, and you know that he has a device that will keep him from being lost or out of touch, that's insurance that you can actually use, and insurance that's worth way more than the $399 we paid fot the damned thing. That's how I look at the value of certain things.

Even my intractable stepmother caved after that argument.