Manager Acts Like a Dipstick, I'm Sorry to Say

[SanDiegoSteve]

Here is a comprehensive list of heckles. See if you can detect a repetitive theme:

You couldn't call a cab! The circus is in town and the clowns are wearin blue!

There's a town in Massachusetts named after you.(slight pause), it's called MARBLEHEAD! I forgot more baseball than you know! Its a strike zone, not an end zone! You really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up! Blue's goin' home in the back of the ambulance (after a bad call)

Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!! You can go home, blue. We'll take it from here. How'd you become an umpire? Flunk out of toll-booth school? How about asking the audience? Do you want to use another lifeline?

What were you, a lookout a Pearl Harbor! Hey Mr.Magoo, nice call. I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog! If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position) How many fingers am I holding up?

(For an umpire is slow getting in position) C'mon blue, put the Snicker Bar down. Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do. Go get 'em, Blue! Arf! Arf! Arf! (When the coach's mound visit has been going on too long) Move around, you're tiltin' the infield. Do you take Visa or American Express?

You're killing me blue Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game? It sure sounded like a strike! How'd you get a square head in that round mask? Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?

Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'. Does your wife let you make decisions at home? Pull the good eye out of your pocket I thought only horses slept standing up! Flip over the plate and read the directions.

Wipe the dirt off that called strike. Sure you don't want to phone a friend? You can open your eyes now! Sit down, bus driver! If you need the money this badly, get a paper route!

That was a strike in any bowling alley You flipping coins? Is that your final answer? Take off that welding mask What's your magic word?

What's the count Blue? Dog Robber! (classic) Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 min. Open your good eye When your dog barks twice, its a strike!

Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch! Can I buy you another beer. Eat a salad. Kick your dog, he's lying to you! I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!

Do you get any better or is this it? You're blinking too long! Do you travel with this team? Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls! Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!

I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog. You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book. You couldn't make a call in a phone booth. Juuuuuust a bit outside. Move around Ump, you're killin' the grass!

Leave the gift giving to Santa! Take out your glass eye and wash it OK....the next call should be ours Guess again, the last call was wrong. Who signs your game checks?

Hey Blue, do you feel guilty? Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog. If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down. The manager called, your uniform is ready. Your strike zone is a moving target!

You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time. Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on. If you're just gonna watch the game, buy a ticket Stevie Wonder could see that one!

I've seen potatoes with better eyes! Looked pretty good from up here ump! I wish you'd have resigned! Do your sleeping at home ump! Lets go to Video Replay!

Is that guy your nephew Ump? Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you? Hey Mr.Guess! Nice call! Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref! Nice umpiring, Mr. Quayle!

Little Boy Blue! Your Honor! I'd like to appeal that call! 3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job! Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!

If you knew one thing about Newton's law of Gravity, that would have been called a strike Hey Blue, try looking BETWEEN the bars on your mask! RING..RING....Wake up call ump! You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it! Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game!

Where can I get an application? Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck! Sure is nice calling 'm safe ain't it? Everyone cheers. Ya done good This guy busted his behind running 90 ft, the least you could do is move 10 ft to make a call If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix!(if near his knee) been arthroscopic surgery!

(New York specific)If that pitch were any further outside it would be in Connecticut! (Subway-city specific: New York, Boston, Philly, etc.)Come on, ump! If that pitch were any lower it would be in the subway! Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep! If stupidity were bricks, you'd be Fenway Park! Those are radio balls he's throwing--you can hear 'em but you can't see 'em.

Who taught you how to ump? Helen Keller? Ump, your arse called, it wants your head out by tomorrow! Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire! Hey Blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely! I can see up and down from over here.

Originally Posted by Don Mueller

I don't think it's a dilemma for most.
I'd say almost every game as I approach the field a parent or spectator says "hey blue" Hi blue" How's it goin blue" and mean nothing by it except being polite. After most games as I leave via the winners side of the field the spectators I pass acknowledge my partner and I with such nicities as "good game blue" or "good job blue" and I take it as a compliment.
If they say "Keep your day job blue" or "you suck blue" I take it they didn't like my calls, but it has nothing to do with "blue", that's simply a traditional way to address an umpire.

I can understand those who think it offensive given the origin from 50 or 60years ago. However, meanings of words and phrases change over time as the origins are not passed down through the generations. Political parties are now the opposites of what they were at the time of the civil war. For those who don't want to let go, fine. The rest of us have graduated to the 21st century.

I worked two games last night for a house league. I had people from grade school to the 60s say "hey blue, how's it goin?" or "nice game blue". At that level, it's more informal. Every once in a while you get a question in between innings like 'isn't it an infield fly all the time', or "I thought two conferences in an inning and you have to pull the pitcher". I could ignore them and not say anything or I could answer their question. If I have a few seconds, I will. It makes them feel better and more relaxed because they now know I'm not an unmitigated SOB bad guy. They appreciate it and say "thanks, blue". Would I do it for a HS game - absolutely not. It's not appropriate - after the game maybe - not during. So for me to take offense for them calling me "blue" just wouldn't cut it. If they're going to be polite, I will, too.

[GarthB]

My favorite of the modern era:

Hey, blue, I found your cell phone. It says you've missed six calls!

[David B]

Originally Posted by SanDiegoSteve

Here is a comprehensive list of heckles. See if you can detect a repetitive theme:

You couldn't call a cab! The circus is in town and the clowns are wearin blue!

There's a town in Massachusetts named after you.(slight pause), it's called MARBLEHEAD! I forgot more baseball than you know! Its a strike zone, not an end zone! You really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up! Blue's goin' home in the back of the ambulance (after a bad call)

Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!! You can go home, blue. We'll take it from here. How'd you become an umpire? Flunk out of toll-booth school? How about asking the audience? Do you want to use another lifeline?

What were you, a lookout a Pearl Harbor! Hey Mr.Magoo, nice call. I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog! If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position) How many fingers am I holding up?

(For an umpire is slow getting in position) C'mon blue, put the Snicker Bar down. Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do. Go get 'em, Blue! Arf! Arf! Arf! (When the coach's mound visit has been going on too long) Move around, you're tiltin' the infield. Do you take Visa or American Express?

You're killing me blue Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game? It sure sounded like a strike! How'd you get a square head in that round mask? Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?

Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'. Does your wife let you make decisions at home? Pull the good eye out of your pocket I thought only horses slept standing up! Flip over the plate and read the directions.

Wipe the dirt off that called strike. Sure you don't want to phone a friend? You can open your eyes now! Sit down, bus driver! If you need the money this badly, get a paper route!

That was a strike in any bowling alley You flipping coins? Is that your final answer? Take off that welding mask What's your magic word?

What's the count Blue? Dog Robber! (classic) Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 min. Open your good eye When your dog barks twice, its a strike!

Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch! Can I buy you another beer. Eat a salad. Kick your dog, he's lying to you! I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!

Do you get any better or is this it? You're blinking too long! Do you travel with this team? Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls! Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!

I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog. You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book. You couldn't make a call in a phone booth. Juuuuuust a bit outside. Move around Ump, you're killin' the grass!

Leave the gift giving to Santa! Take out your glass eye and wash it OK....the next call should be ours Guess again, the last call was wrong. Who signs your game checks?

Hey Blue, do you feel guilty? Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog. If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down. The manager called, your uniform is ready. Your strike zone is a moving target!

You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time. Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on. If you're just gonna watch the game, buy a ticket Stevie Wonder could see that one!

I've seen potatoes with better eyes! Looked pretty good from up here ump! I wish you'd have resigned! Do your sleeping at home ump! Lets go to Video Replay!

Is that guy your nephew Ump? Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you? Hey Mr.Guess! Nice call! Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref! Nice umpiring, Mr. Quayle!

Little Boy Blue! Your Honor! I'd like to appeal that call! 3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job! Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!

If you knew one thing about Newton's law of Gravity, that would have been called a strike Hey Blue, try looking BETWEEN the bars on your mask! RING..RING....Wake up call ump! You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it! Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game!

Where can I get an application? Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck! Sure is nice calling 'm safe ain't it? Everyone cheers. Ya done good This guy busted his behind running 90 ft, the least you could do is move 10 ft to make a call If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix!(if near his knee) been arthroscopic surgery!

(New York specific)If that pitch were any further outside it would be in Connecticut! (Subway-city specific: New York, Boston, Philly, etc.)Come on, ump! If that pitch were any lower it would be in the subway! Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep! If stupidity were bricks, you'd be Fenway Park! Those are radio balls he's throwing--you can hear 'em but you can't see 'em.

Who taught you how to ump? Helen Keller? Ump, your arse called, it wants your head out by tomorrow! Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire! Hey Blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely! I can see up and down from over here.

The repetitive thing I see is that the umpire made a bad call!


Or should I say, not a call in their favor ...

thanks
David

[Don Mueller]

Originally Posted by SanDiegoSteve

Here is a comprehensive list of heckles. See if you can detect a repetitive theme:

You couldn't call a cab! The circus is in town and the clowns are wearin blue!

There's a town in Massachusetts named after you.(slight pause), it's called MARBLEHEAD! I forgot more baseball than you know! Its a strike zone, not an end zone! You really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up! Blue's goin' home in the back of the ambulance (after a bad call)

Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!! You can go home, blue. We'll take it from here. How'd you become an umpire? Flunk out of toll-booth school? How about asking the audience? Do you want to use another lifeline?

What were you, a lookout a Pearl Harbor! Hey Mr.Magoo, nice call. I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog! If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position) How many fingers am I holding up?

(For an umpire is slow getting in position) C'mon blue, put the Snicker Bar down. Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do. Go get 'em, Blue! Arf! Arf! Arf! (When the coach's mound visit has been going on too long) Move around, you're tiltin' the infield. Do you take Visa or American Express?

You're killing me blue Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game? It sure sounded like a strike! How'd you get a square head in that round mask? Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?

Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'. Does your wife let you make decisions at home? Pull the good eye out of your pocket I thought only horses slept standing up! Flip over the plate and read the directions.

Wipe the dirt off that called strike. Sure you don't want to phone a friend? You can open your eyes now! Sit down, bus driver! If you need the money this badly, get a paper route!

That was a strike in any bowling alley You flipping coins? Is that your final answer? Take off that welding mask What's your magic word?

What's the count Blue? Dog Robber! (classic) Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 min. Open your good eye When your dog barks twice, its a strike!

Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch! Can I buy you another beer. Eat a salad. Kick your dog, he's lying to you! I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!

Do you get any better or is this it? You're blinking too long! Do you travel with this team? Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls! Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!

I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog. You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book. You couldn't make a call in a phone booth. Juuuuuust a bit outside. Move around Ump, you're killin' the grass!

Leave the gift giving to Santa! Take out your glass eye and wash it OK....the next call should be ours Guess again, the last call was wrong. Who signs your game checks?

Hey Blue, do you feel guilty? Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog. If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down. The manager called, your uniform is ready. Your strike zone is a moving target!

You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time. Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on. If you're just gonna watch the game, buy a ticket Stevie Wonder could see that one!

I've seen potatoes with better eyes! Looked pretty good from up here ump! I wish you'd have resigned! Do your sleeping at home ump! Lets go to Video Replay!

Is that guy your nephew Ump? Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you? Hey Mr.Guess! Nice call! Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref! Nice umpiring, Mr. Quayle!

Little Boy Blue! Your Honor! I'd like to appeal that call! 3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job! Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!

If you knew one thing about Newton's law of Gravity, that would have been called a strike Hey Blue, try looking BETWEEN the bars on your mask! RING..RING....Wake up call ump! You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it! Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game!

Where can I get an application? Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck! Sure is nice calling 'm safe ain't it? Everyone cheers. Ya done good This guy busted his behind running 90 ft, the least you could do is move 10 ft to make a call If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix!(if near his knee) been arthroscopic surgery!

(New York specific)If that pitch were any further outside it would be in Connecticut! (Subway-city specific: New York, Boston, Philly, etc.)Come on, ump! If that pitch were any lower it would be in the subway! Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep! If stupidity were bricks, you'd be Fenway Park! Those are radio balls he's throwing--you can hear 'em but you can't see 'em.

Who taught you how to ump? Helen Keller? Ump, your arse called, it wants your head out by tomorrow! Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire! Hey Blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely! I can see up and down from over here.

Replace every "blue" or "ump" with "Steve" or "Don" and it doesn't make any of the comments any more funny, disrespectful, mean or obnoxious.

[Don Mueller]

Originally Posted by SanDiegoSteve

And a bad tradition it is, for the reasons myself and others have posted ad nauseum.

I suppose if you post ad nauseum it must be right.

In the same era that "blue" was evolving from "blew the call" if an umpire was considered "gay" it just meant he was happy and I doubt if a coach accused said umpire of being gay that said umpire would do anything but smile and agree.
Today "blue" is an accepted way to address an umpire and if a coach calls you "gay" he'll almost always be asked to find the parking lot.
Things change. Hey did you hear about DH rule?

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by Don Mueller

I suppose if you post ad nauseum it must be right.

In the same era that "blue" was evolving from "blew the call" if an umpire was considered "gay" it just meant he was happy and I doubt if a coach accused said umpire of being gay that said umpire would do anything but smile and agree.
Today "blue" is an accepted way to address an umpire and if a coach calls you "gay" he'll almost always be asked to find the parking lot.
Things change. Hey did you hear about DH rule?

Not buying it, and I'm not alone. Just because coaches, players, and fans do not know better, doesn't make it a tradition.

You have the right to think differently. One size does not fit all.

BTW, the DH is a rule, and not analogous to the subject. I am well aware of rule changes. Plus, I am a Senior Circuit fan.

[radwaste50]

Originally Posted by Don Mueller

I suppose if you post ad nauseum it must be right.

In the same era that "blue" was evolving from "blew the call" if an umpire was considered "gay" it just meant he was happy and I doubt if a coach accused said umpire of being gay that said umpire would do anything but smile and agree.
Today "blue" is an accepted way to address an umpire and if a coach calls you "gay" he'll almost always be asked to find the parking lot.
Things change. Hey did you hear about DH rule?

Originally Posted by Steven Tyler

Don,

I still trying to grasp the concept where Steve stated that many of the umpires in his association disliked to be called, "Blue". However, the name of his association is San Diego Blue.

Many words in language become a social norm where they are in general usage though offensive and meant to be derogatory. For years you could hear wop, spic, mick, ni**er does their common usage make them right? They are words use to offend and draw a response or degrade. It is difficult to change the fans and casual observers of the game. However the Manager or Coach I am working with have established a professional relationship. I do not say Hey Accountant what the bottom line or Yo Engineer where the design.

Even if your have never work a "pro" game if you accept a check for the games you call you are a professional.

[BigUmp56]

Originally Posted by Steven Tyler

Don,

I still trying to grasp the concept where Steve stated that many of the umpires in his association disliked to be called, "Blue". However, the name of his association is San Diego Blue.

The name of the association Steve belongs to is SDCBUA. San Diego County Baseball Umpires Association.


Tim.

[GarthB]

Originally Posted by BigUmp56

The name of the association Steve belongs to is SDCBUA. San Diego County Baseball Umpires Association.


Tim.

SDS posted: "Of course, there are associations with Blue in the title, like your group, the Fox Valley Blues, and the group I was with last year, the San Diego Blues." (post 86)

PWL got the name right, the tense wrong.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by GarthB

PWL got the name right, the tense wrong.

PWL? PWL is now posting under "Steven Tyler"?

Now things become a little clearer as to why so many of his posts have had to be deleted. It makes sense now.

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by GarthB

SDS posted: "Of course, there are associations with Blue in the title, like your group, the Fox Valley Blues, and the group I was with last year, the San Diego Blues." (post 86)

PWL got the name right, the tense wrong.

Let me clear this up here. For the first 20 seasons of my umpiring life, I belonged to a fine, outstanding organization known as the San Diego County Baseball Umpires Association. It is an historic, famed group, which has produced quite a few major league umpires from its ranks.

Last season, I worked for a rag-tag group of smitties known as the San Diego Blues. I did this so I could work my little nephew's Minors games (I got to do one, total). This association is a badly run, unorganized group, with a dictatorial, draconian owner, president, chief of everything person. 90% of these umpires couldn't umpire JV Tiddlywinks on a good day.

This season, I'm not a member of any group, but when I refer to "my association," I mean the SDCBUA, which I will always consider myself associated with.

I posted the long list of umpire insults as a fun thing, not as any serious statement. I just thought everyone would enjoy reading it.

[Dave Hensley]

Originally Posted by SanDiegoSteve

Of course, there are associations with Blue in the title, like your group, the Fox Valley Blues, and the group I was with last year, the San Diego Blues. I don't have any answer for this dilemma.

Perhaps the answer to the dilemma is to consider the possibility that "blue" is not quite the universal term of derision you portray it to be.

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by Dave Hensley

Perhaps the answer to the dilemma is to consider the possibility that "blue" is not quite the universal term of derision you portray it to be.

And perhaps it is. Tell somebody a lie long enough and it starts to look like the truth. Perhaps many have been brainwashed ala the Manchurian candidate. How about a nice game of solitaire, all you Blues out there?

[mcrowder]

This one has really gone to the point of absurdity. Good job guys.

(PS - if "Blue" was such a horrible thing, why would so many of the posters here have that word in their login?)