Strange Events in Texas

[Carl Childress]

Well, they were bound to happen sometime, those third-world plays that never happen.

But did!

They all occurred in two games on the same field in a USSSA 18u select team qualifying tournament, playing modified FED rules.

Firsts in my career:

1. One-run game, runner on third, one out. Batter is hitting left-handed, attempting a safety squeeze. Pitch, bunt, and a miss. Pitch, bunt, and a miss. With the pitcher on the rubber, leaning forward for the sign, the batter hops across to the right-hand batter's box. "He's out!" I exclaim. I've read of it happening to other umpires; that was the first time for me. (You'd think it might happen in 10u. But no!)

2. R3, 0 out, left-handed power hitter at the plate. The pitcher, in the set position, stretches and does not come to a complete stop. "Time. That's a balk!" I scream as the ball heads for the plate. It then heads for the fence in right field and clears it easily for a two-run home run.

Not!

FED rules: Tony had to return to hit again, and the runner from third scored. A balk is a dead ball in FED only. That was one of the rules the coaches had voted to keep.

The coach for the offense argued vehemently the pitcher did not balk. The defensive skipper was equally passionate: "Carl, of course he balked. He's been balking all summer long." (5 days!?)

Any rule that leads the offending team to claim they offended and the offended team to claim they did not is a bad rule.

Now, the two coaches didn't argue. But I've written this scenario so often, they might as well have. In my mind, they did.

For just a moment.

Tony's at bat reads: 1 ball, no pitch (balk home run), 1 strike, 390-foot home run! The kid homered twice in the same at-bat. As they say in West Side Story: "Smoke on your pipe and put that in."

3. R3. Suicide squeeze. B1 doesn't bunt but rips the ball. It nearly takes off the right arm of the runner who's about 25 feet from home. He's hit in fair territory. So I scream: "Time! Dead ball!"

Modified FED rules, and this is one of the modifications. The USSSA rules do not permit the batter to "swing" during a squeeze or steal of home.

That rule is in effect for the tournament. (Pool play today, bat-off tomorrow.) Therefore: The batter is out and ejected. R3 returns to third.

In the nationals, the head coach would also be ejected, but the TD had ruled in advance that if the play happened (it had never happened to me before today), we were NOT to eject the head coach.

4. Finally -- and most startling of all:

R3: The pitcher for McAllen is pausing just fleetiingly before delivering. It was an era of good feeling: late in the evening, my third game in a row (7 innings, 2:30 time limit), everyone in the park was relaxed, McAllen trailed by several runs: "Hush, Carl!" I muttered to myself.

"Hey, Blue!" screamed the coach. Without another word, he mimed perfectly what the pitcher was doing: pausing just for an instant and then bouncing, sweeping his hands apart. The McAllen pitcher was clearly and obviously balking -- and I wasn't calling it.

"He's ok," I lied. "But I'll watch him closely!" That's when I could no longer stay quiet in the Twilight Zone. I started giggling.

The McAllen pitcher was balking, and the complaining coach was -- the McAllen head coach!

As Jack Paar was wont to say: "I kid you not!"

The players may be select. I'm certain some of the coaches aren't.